Top 52 Quotes & Sayings by Alan Carr

Explore popular quotes and sayings by an English comedian Alan Carr.

Last updated on April 16, 2025.

Alan Graham Carr is an English comedian, broadcaster and writer. His breakthrough was in 2001, winning the City Life Best Newcomer of the Year and the BBC New Comedy Awards. In the ensuing years, Carr's career burgeoned on the Manchester comedy circuit before he became known for co-hosting The Friday Night Project (2006–2009) with Justin Lee Collins. This led to the release of a short-lived entertainment show Alan Carr's Celebrity Ding Dong (2008), and he went on to star in the comedy chat show Alan Carr: Chatty Man (2009–2016) which aired on Channel 4. Since 2017, Carr often stands in as a team captain on 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. In 2019, he became a judge on RuPaul's Drag Race UK. In 2021 he took over from Fearne Cotton as host of BBC’s Interior Design Masters

English - Comedian | Born: June 14, 1976

Source: Wikipedia

Let's be honest, you're very selfish in your twenties, and in your thirties you are just trying to get a down payment for your flat or enough money to pay your bills.

Alan Carr

But there's something delightfully old-school about sitting in the BBC - obviously wearing a bow tie and monocle - with a co-presenter who forgets there's a webcam in there. It's also nice to hear from the general public when they're not swearing at you or asking to extend their credit limit.

Alan Carr

How can you explain to Americans who Kim Woodburn is? It's just nice, for once in my life, to not be the campest one in the room.

Alan Carr

I do my own stunts. You see someone like Graham Norton would have had a stunt double, but no, I give 100 per cent to my viewers.

Alan Carr

I mean, I see the old interviews with Bette Davis or Joan Crawford, these characters clawed their way up - what stories.

Alan Carr

At school people laughed at me, not with me.

Alan Carr

It seems the older I get, I hear about cancer more and more but not to get too totally depressed about it all - on a positive note you do hear about people surviving it more - thanks to the fantastic work done by the Stand Up To Cancer campaign.

Alan Carr

I know David Walliams did 'Blankety Blank', and when he did that I was so jealous. I would have loved to have done that. It's sort of my sense of humour.

Alan Carr

Even if people threw tomatoes at me and booed me off stage, at least you can wash out tomatoes, unlike nine hours of abuse from the general public which can affect your mental health.

Alan Carr

I was such a worrier at school. I wish I could go back and tell myself to stop stressing.

Alan Carr

I'm just a comedian. That's all I am. If you find me funny, good.

Alan Carr

I'm a comedian. I can't get a spray tan. I can't get a weave. I can't get my teeth done. Can you imagine if I came out on stage looking really hunky? Comedy doesn't work like that.

Alan Carr

Explaining 'The Price Is Right' is probably going to make it sound like the most moronic show ever. I invite people out of the audience to guess the price of a series of household objects.

Alan Carr

I don't like the attention that comes with TV.

Alan Carr

It's dangerous when you start telling people they can't have an opinion on something. And, you know, you don't cancel someone, you engage with someone.

Alan Carr

Doing stand up helps - thinking on your feet definitely comes in handy when it's a live show.

Alan Carr

I mean, seeing 10 very talented interior designers is not hard work - it's an absolute joy.

Alan Carr

With Stand Up To Cancer, every penny goes to Cancer Research UK. You are playing with people's lives. I knew I needed to get as much money as possible.

Alan Carr

I'm not that good at knowing the price of things. Not because I live in a celebrity bubble, but just because I've always been rubbish at stuff like that.

Alan Carr

Everyone was a footballer in my family. My grandfather Wilf played for Newcastle and my cousins play. It's in the blood.

Alan Carr

I'm old school, when I go on stage, I want every single person in that theatre to have the time of their life. I don't want to upset someone on their night off when they've been working all week.

Alan Carr

I think familiarity breeds contempt. I mean, we'll never get another Greta Garbo will we? Someone would go in with a camera Sellotaped to the bottom of a tray trying to get film of her with no make-up on.

Alan Carr

I think TV in general is camp. 'X Factor' is camp, 'Strictly Come Dancing' is camp. Basically, an orange man comes down some stairs and waves at the camera. People are drawn to that.

Alan Carr

I've already brought enough shame on the family without halting the family tree.

Alan Carr

I didn't want a ghost writer. I've got such a distinctive voice, people would smell a rat, I think.

Alan Carr

Obviously there are a lot of charities out there but with cancer you have to be lucky to have not been affected by it or not know anybody who has had it.

Alan Carr

Drag queens in the UK, they survive it all - there's a hen party, a stag party, people throwing beer bottles. They work not on their heels, but on their wits.

Alan Carr

I don't really like being a celebrity.

Alan Carr

I don't want to patronise my audience.

Alan Carr

Girls don't want to hang around boys talking about 'The Golden Girls'. They want a boyfriend who turns up on a motorbike, don't they?

Alan Carr

To get your own chatshow, with your name in the title, my arena tour last year - that was another goal for me - I got my own radio show, again with my name in the title... Apart from rehab, there isn't really much on my to-do list!

Alan Carr

It sounds like I work at Hallmark, but every day is a journey and you get better and that's the whole point of life.

Alan Carr

You survive cancer but you have still got the emotional baggage.

Alan Carr

Suggesting that just because someone who is on the telly has a superior moral viewpoint to someone who say, shelf stacks at Aldi is ridiculous.

Alan Carr

Basically, I thought I had nothing to lose so I'd try my luck as a stand-up comedian. So even if it all failed, I was at the bottom of the food-chain anyway.

Alan Carr

There's a reason 'The Price Is Right' is on in every country in the world. It's simple, and people want to know the price of things. Plus we give away brilliant prizes.

Alan Carr

I love the buzz of doing live. I am a stand-up comedian and so I am not scared of live.

Alan Carr

When things finish, you think, 'It's over' but you realise sometimes, it's just the beginning of something else.

Alan Carr

Nostalgia is so powerful, and it was such an odd year, 2020.

Alan Carr

I'm a little bit naughty, not too rude and a little bit saucy. That's what I love about Chatty Man - I can just be that on my own show.

Alan Carr

I think I have got a lot better as an interviewer. I let people talk now which is something you need to do. At the beginning I thought jokes, jokes, jokes, I am a stand up comedian but I think I have mellowed out now.

Alan Carr

A fortune-teller said my future lay in comedy.

Alan Carr

Children? No, no, no. I struggle with a red setter.

Alan Carr

I love that I'm approachable. All kinds of people come up to me.

Alan Carr

My mum will never ask if I'm seeing anyone; I'm not that kind of person anyway. I'm very private.

Alan Carr

I love a bit of 'Tipping Point'; I sit there and sometimes the dog starts watching it. It's just like the going in and out and the coins falling, it can be quite trance-like.

Alan Carr

All change requires effort and sacrifice. Sometimes action plans fail because they are based on the idea that there is a 'magic bullet' which on its own can solve our problems.This is not true. Complex human problems typically require complex solutions with many different components.

Alan Carr

I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached.

Alan Carr

When I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys over there. And me and the fat kids over here. Those kids were fat! One girl had to be cut out a hula hoop.

Alan Carr

A true friend never asks of you what they know you would never ask of them.

Alan Carr

What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act!

Alan Carr

'Civilians' is a term I love. It's what Elizabeth Hurley used to describe people who weren't on TV.

Alan Carr