Top 340 Quotes & Sayings by Bill Watterson - Page 3

Leader, bandits at 2 o'clock! Roger; it's only 1:30 now-what'll I do 'til then?

I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky.

I've been interested in cartooning all my life. I read the comics as a kid, and I did cartoons for high school publications - the newspaper and yearbook and soon. In college, I got interested in political cartooning and did political cartoons.

Calvin: Trick or treat! Adult: Where's your costume? What are you supposed to be? Calvin: I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak... Am I scary, or what?

Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension.

As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.

Childhood is for spoiling adulthood.

I was reading about how countless species are being pushed toward extinction by man's destruction of forests. . . . Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Calvin: ME TARZAN! KING OF JUNGLE! Suzy: Nice underpants. Does your mom know you're over here like this? Calvin:...I don't think Jane EVER said that to Tarzan.

I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.

Calvin: Do you believe in the Devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man? Hobbes: I'm not sure man needs the help.

If people looked at the stars each night, they'd live a lot differently. When you look into infinity, you realize that there are more important things than what people do all day.

Calvin: Medically speaking:. That's love?!?..... Hobbes: Heck, that happened to me once, but I figured it was cooties!!

CALVIN: This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery? If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it? And if he doesn't exist what's the meaning of all this? HOBBES: I dunno. Isn't this a religious holiday? CALVIN: Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God.

I'm learning skills I will use for the rest of my life by doing homework...procrastinating and negotiation.

In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.

Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN

Selling out is usually more a matter of buying in. Sell out, and you’re really buying into someone else’s system of values, rules and rewards.

For no reason I can think of, I've wandered far astray. And that is how I got to where I find myself today.

From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success... I'm just here to cash in.

Blustery cold days should be spend propped up in bed with a mug of hot chocolate and a pile of comic books.

The way Calvin's brain is wired, you can almost hear the fuses blowing.

If comics need to be deconstructed and explained, something is really wrong with them.

Barney's Dad was really bad so Barney hatched a plan when his dad said "Eat your peas." Barney shouted no and ran Barney tricked his mean old dad and locked him in the cellar Barney's Mom never found out where he'd gone, Cause Barney didn't tell her. There his dad spent his life eating mice and gruel With every bite for fifty years he was sorry he'd been cruel

The whole idea of hobknobbing and schmoozing and the concept of an "elite" class of celebrities better than the common people has always made my stomach turn.

People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.

Once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is.

Ah, the life of a newspaper cartoonist - how I miss the groupies, drugs and trashed hotel rooms!

I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life.

Calvin: Why are you crying mom? Mom: I'm cutting up an onion. Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.

It's a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it's light out.

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!

Never argue with a six-year-old who shaves.

At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.

My likely historical significance is a terrible burden. ~ Calvin

Careful. We don't want to learn from this.

Few things are less comforting than a tiger who's up too late.

There are no restrictions of taste, approach, or subject matter. The gatekeepers are gone, so the prospect for new and different voices is exciting. Or at least it will be if anyone reads them. And it will be even more exciting if anyone pays for them. It's hard to charge admission without a gate.

I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.

Van Gogh would’ve sold more than one painting if he’d put tigers in them.

They can't chain my spirit! My spirit runs free! Walls can't contain it! Laws can't restrain it! Authority has no power over it!

I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here.

If you don't get a goodnight kiss, you get Kafka dreams.

Calvin: Life's a lot more fun when you aren't responsible for your actions.

I've got plenty of common sense! I just choose to ignore it.

Hold it. You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, and then the bears join up with the big bad wolf and eat Goldilocks and Little Red Riding Hood! Tell me a story like that, OK?

Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement.

I'd like to see cartoonists measuring their work by higher standards than how many papers their strips are in and how much money they make.

What state do you live in? Denial.

If you give a little credit to the concept of the artist, I think you ought to indulge excesses a bit, because that reflects the personality of the writer. Now if a joke is in bad taste or it's not funny, okay, that's awhole different thing, but how you craft a joke is really what the writer's job is, and I don't think that technique should be subject to any editorial constraints.

I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.

I hope some historian will confirm that I was the first cartoonist to use the word 'booger' in a newspaper comic strip.

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.

Even when you look for it, you're never prepared for it.

I tell you all this because it's worth recognizing that there is no such thing as an overnight success. You will do well to cultivate the resources in yourself that bring you happiness outside of success or failure. The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive. At that time, we turn around and say, yes, this is obviously where I was going all along. It's a good idea to try to enjoy the scenery on the detours, because you'll probably take a few.

It's not the medium, but the quality of perception and expression, that determines the significance of art.

I'm a misunderstood genius." "What's misunderstood?" "Nobody thinks I'm a genius.

Reading those turgid philosophers here in these remote stone buildings may not get you a job, but if those books have forced you to ask yourself questions about what makes life truthful, purposeful, meaningful, and redeeming, you have the Swiss Army Knife of mental tools, and it's going to come in handy all the time.

When the cartoonist is trying to talk honestly and seriously about life, then I believe he has a responsibility to think beyond satisfying the market's every whim and desire.