Top 239 Quotes & Sayings by Bob Hope - Page 3

She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn't understand us at all.

I have this terrific make-up man. But he's expensive. I have to bring him in from Lourdes.

Celebrities have a way of touching our lives. Perhaps we are influenced by their screen image, or perhaps by their acquired status. Here are some celebrity quotes about Christmas. You will find that just like everybody else, celebrities also enjoy the little pleasures of Christmas.

Jack Benny really liked my book. I know because he called me up from the library and told me.

Every Naval vessel has a contingent of Marines aboard. After all, the Sailors have to have someone to dance with.

Television. That's where movies go when they die.

Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem. They're all running for the Presidency.

Louis B. Mayer came out west with $28.00, a box camera and an old lion. He built a monument to himself -- the Bank of America.

The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.

I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

I've never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn't know how really great he is.

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

My old friend Jack Benny has only had one ball all his golfing life. And now he's lost it. The string came off!

That's life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.

Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here - just for me.

Gerry Ford is easy to spot on the course. He drives the cart with the red cross painted on top.

Free speech isn't dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.

Miniskirts have become quite a fad. They're even some guys wearing them. Don't laugh, if you had thought to of that, you'd not be here now.

Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time.

I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.

Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.

It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead.

If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it.

We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.

English clubs are very exclusive. I played Royal Foxshire and they made me wear a suit and tie. . . in the shower.

Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.

It flies so high, I swear I heard the organs playing.

YOU CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME SO CONCENTRATE ON IT.

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.

Audiences are my best friends. You never tire of talking with your best friends.

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark...

Please don't stand up on my account.

If my golf game was a prize fight, they'd stop it.

You know what a fan letter is - it's just an inky raspberry.

Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.

And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them. We didn't know that in America after the war, you wouldn't be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.

It was a typically British birth... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward... I came out in sympathy.

I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies

All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It's in the lease.

I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.

Be happy you guys. Be proud! You know what you are: you're God's frozen people.

In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you. In Hollywood the weatherman gets a shooting schedule from all the major studios and then figures out where he can fit in a little rain without upsetting Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer too much.

You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra, I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you're turning the pages.

Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn't hear them.

It's very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.

The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn't got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.

The service at the Imperial (Tokyo) is the finest I've encountered anywhere. There was a button next to my bed marked ROOM SERVICE - and a maid to press it for me.

I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.

The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.

I knew the President would run for reelection in 1984. Why not? Actors love sequels ... and returns.

Our first stop was red square, the heart of Moscow - if Moscow has one.

There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood.

Vice President Spiro Agnew can not cheat on his score : because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.

My folks were English. They were too poor to be British. I still have a bit of British in me. In fact, my blood type is solid marmalade.

You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor's age by the rings on her fingers.

President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.