Top 99 Quotes & Sayings by Bob Mortimer - Page 2

Performing in front of an audience gives you an extra ten per cent energy and the chance to react to the instant feedback.

After I had my heart operation I got really into heart stuff. I did think it would be lovely to go on 'Strictly' just so people could see I wasn't finished. But, sadly, now I couldn't because of my joints. I'd be hobbling around.

I look at stuff like the 'The Whole 19 Yards' and it reminds me of my childhood watching shows with Mike Reid and kids climbing over obstacles.

Before I had my heart problem, if I was asked to do something I would look through a mental file looking for reasons why I could say no.

If you want the best audience, make your way up North to be honest.

Having an audience in the studio makes you perform rather than just act.

They asked me to go on 'Hell's Kitchen' but I'm banned from reality TV by my wife. She's not up for that kind of tomfoolery.

After your heart fails, you just feel really vulnerable for a while. You just want telly and your little house. Then, suddenly, three, four months have passed.

We're not scientific comedians, thinking like, 'Things have moved on, we need to do this, we need to reflect the world in this way.'

I never craved having people leave a show saying, 'He's really intelligent, isn't he?' I didn't watch Tommy Cooper and think, 'Oh, he's so bright.' He just made me laugh.

Our new programmes have always just been different vehicles for the same sort of comedy.

Catterick' was originally a movie. That was what we intended for it and we had the money for it and everything. But we couldn't be bothered - I know that sounds terrible, but it's the truth. At a later stage we went back, split it up and made it into the TV series. But, yeah that was supposed to be a movie and we just didn't bother.

Rheumatoid arthritis generally happens when your immune system attacks your joints, but I've had it attack my iris.

I am increasingly of the mind that all fat is good.

I remember when I worked at the solicitor's - you'd go in, talk to your mates for a bit and then get down to work. With us the talking to your mates part never stops.

House of Fools,' that was the first thing I was sad that we couldn't do any more.

Shooting Stars' changed panel shows a bit for ever, I think.

I don't believe in credit or loans.

I don't think old posh is as intimidating as new posh, is it?

I eat a tin of sardines every day.

Between the age of 30 and going fishing, none of my friendships had any of that magic dust of when you were young. There was a sort of functionality to them, just keeping in touch. 'Oh, I should invite so and so, I haven't seen them for ages.

When I was young, having a heart bypass was, 'Woooh!'

I was the youngest of four boys, raised in North Yorkshire.

I come from an era when if you are told that you need a triple heart bypass it sounds pretty terminal. But I think it's quite a normal operation these days.

I don't know much about history.

I used to like getting cups and putting tiny bits of food and liquids in them. I'd grow mould plumes in the dark wardrobe of my little back bedroom. Not to eat them, mind - just to admire the growing power.

You see idiots on the net but on TV you can't really find them.

There is a theory in showbiz circles that mentally you remain the same age as when you first tasted fame, and I think there is a grain of truth in this.

That's the thing, you see, we were never good enough to write proper punchlines.

I'd always wanted to do something about football, so I did the podcast.

You can have a mate for 30 years, it's easy.

The more cynical commentators on our careers would say that the northern accent has been the basis of our success. There's a certain authenticity to the voice - which isn't to my credit; I was just born there.

Families At War' is a show we are very proud of. It was a great show.

The best part of our lives is just every day when we are writing.

I don't fish but had always wanted to after doing it as a kid.

You know the thing I liked about fishing when I was 14 was being out with your mates mucking about, throwing bread around, getting a bit wet maybe.

Our comedy is just falling over, funny faces, arguments, all the comedy basics, really.

The wife and the kids provide my exercise, but I have to be careful because I have rheumatoid arthritis all over my body.

I had three bypasses in one go, using arteries harvested from my leg and the right side of my chest.