Top 358 Quotes & Sayings by Chris Rock

Every now and then I'm in a situation where someone doesn't recognize me, and I experience racism. Things like not being buzzed into a store or sitting in first class on a plane and having someone ask to see my ticket four times.

After I left high school and got my GED, I studied broadcast journalism for a year at a community college.

Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.

Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.

Black people have been qualified to be president for hundreds of years. George Washington Carver could have been president. I could go on with a list of black men that were qualified to be the president of the United States. So the Obama victory is progress for white people.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

I'm a big fan of Katt Williams, Jim Gaffigan, Louie CK, Margaret Cho, Kathy Griffin, Rich Vas, Joey Vega and Matt Claybrooks.

America is the greatest country in the whole world.

I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.

A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.

It's like, hmm, there's people with $2000 weaves that could have bought health care with that weave money. They don't have insurance. People want what they want. And I guess that is a reason we have this big credit card problem and a lot of these foreclosures.

You can only offend me if you mean something to me.

Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.

There's some downsides to being famous, which are not even worth mentioning. But to combat the bad sides of being famous, you really should take advantage of the good sides. The good sides are, you can use that fame to get projects you might not normally get.

I'd like to be in a Spike Jonze movie. But I live in a Nancy Meyers movie.

Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!

Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic.

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

I have my own demons and dark moods. It's weird.

My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.

When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.

My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars. And I bought a red Corvette for $45,000 dollars. I'm thinking, 'I've got 45 grand left!' Taxes didn't even come into my equation. At the end of the first year of making 90 grand I was 25, 30 in the hole. We live in this baller, spend-money culture.

I realized with Broadway everything written for black people is usually written in the past, and I'm kind of a contemporary guy. I don't think you want to see me in 'Raisin in the Sun'.

You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.

The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.

Hollywood's just not funny.

I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack.

Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.

A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.

No film critic's going to say it, but 'Madagascar 3' is better than 'The Artist.'

Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself.

My goal in life was to host the MTV Awards, because it's the awards show that Prince sang on, and that was the awards show that Eddie Murphy hosted and Arsenio hosted.

I'm never proper or careful, but I never curse in front of my mother, either.

I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.

Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.

Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.

President of the United States is you know, our boss, so you know, the President and the First Lady are kinda like the Mom and the Dad of the country. And when your Dad says something you listen.

Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.

Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.

Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.

I love being famous. It's almost like being white.

Jokes rot. They're not like songs. I always envy singers - Sting is always going to sing 'Roxanne'. But people want to hear new jokes. I've written jokes as good as 'Roxanne', I believe. But I can't tell them again.

Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. There are a lot of good comics out there, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics.

I was bused to a school in Gerritsen Beach in Brooklyn in 1972. I was one of the first black kids in the history of the school.

A man is only as faithful as his options.

Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.

Pretty girls have problems too.

If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner.

By the time I was 7 or 8, I wanted to be a comedy writer.