Top 38 Quotes & Sayings by Colin Jost

Each week, we might write 500 jokes for 'Weekend Update,' and ultimately, we can only do about 10.

I did go to college with him, but everyone's always like, 'Did you meet Mark Zuckerberg? Did you hang out with him?' and I'm like, 'No,' because he was in a lab creating Facebook, and I was, like, learning about alcohol. Well, we did go to school, and I think I'm not really benefiting from that relationship in any way.

When I was 10, I went to the Junior Olympics for the 50-meter and 100-meter breaststroke.

I chose to buy a house in Montauk because it has a sleepier vibe than the rest of the East End. I also felt that I would run into city people in East Hampton and wanted more of a buffer.

My mom was the breadwinner in my family. I always thought, 'That's how it is.' I never thought that was the exception.

I majored in the history and literature of Russia and Britain. It has not helped my career.

I'm a 12-handicap.

I always tell people, when they ask me what to do to be a writer or to be a performer, the key is to go to a place where there are a lot of other people who are trying to do the same thing as you and taking it very seriously.

When you're around people who are trying to be funny all day and trying to one-up each other, that's just naturally - if you want to do it - it's going to make you better.

Montauk is a little more raw and rugged than the other parts of the Hamptons, and I like that.

I didn't understand when somebody thanked me for writing a good sketch, because it was something I wanted to do, but now I totally get it, because when someone writes something great for me, I'm so appreciative.

The first joke I ever told on stage was a golf joke.

It doesn't get better than making people laugh and also making sure people don't go hungry.

I love buffalo wings and eat them at least three times a week.

When you contribute to food banks or give money that goes to having meals delivered, you're meeting the most basic need. It's such a direct way to help.

Whatever I did, I always gravitated toward trying to be funny. If I was with friends, we were joking around. If I wrote for the newspaper, it would be a humor column. If I acted, I wanted to do comedy.

Staten Island is segregated, but it's also - I don't know. It's, like, it's not - it's not unprogressive.

Having Twitter on your phone is like being with a journalist that hates you 24 hours a day. Anything you say on that can be spun. Truly, that's what you have to think of it as.

I never came out to the Hamptons when I was younger - it was always a fancy and exotic place.

Initially, I think I was eager to get off Staten Island and go away for school, that kind of thing. Then what you do maybe 10 years after that, you start maybe appreciating all the great things about the place you grew up. You can go back and enjoy it because you don't have that angst or sense of struggle to get away anymore.

When I started at 'SNL,' I was lucky to start early. So now starting on 'Update,' I am the age when most people are when they start doing that. It feels like a different world and capacity, like starting over in another challenge. A heightened challenge.

Learning to be your natural self in front of five cameras and a silent studio takes time. Trying to be funny under duress is probably a lot like trying to play golf relaxed under pressure.

When you're pitching movies, sometimes you know what the idea is, but you fully don't know the dimensions of it.

I never thought about 'being' in comedy when I grew up, because I didn't know it was a real job. But looking back, it's the only thing I ever really cared about.

It's not an easy job to think creatively and then also have to think logistically.

I commuted an hour and a half each way to high school in N.Y.C. I took a bus, a ferry, then a subway.

I've played at the Comedy Studio. I never did as an undergrad, but I have in recent years, whenever I've gone back to anything at Harvard, I've tried to go there and do some sets.

I was at Harvard when Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook, and I begged him not to do it.

Almost all the golf courses in Staten Island double as something else.

I honestly think that Donald Trump's only adviser is his doorman.

I'm really excited about Jordan Spieth. Like a great in any sport, when the moment is the biggest, he performs his best.

Before I went to a meeting at the 'Harvard Lampoon,' I had no idea that there was even a comedy magazine at Harvard, let alone that you could write comedy potentially for a living.

On the road, when I do stand-up, people would always say, "What do you think about Donald Trump?" If you said, "He's crazy," they'd be like, "Yeah, he's crazy." But if you said, "I don't know - he seems interesting," they would be like, "That's really what I think."

There are some people who are way too sensitive about things. If you're not using the vocabulary that's new that they've helped define, then you're not on their team, even though you want to be. And at the same time, the fact that our president Donald Trump said on record, "You could just grab women by the pussy," and a lot of people in America were like, "Yeah, it's fine, that's something that's said..." There are people that are not sensitive or aware enough about other people and what that means.

My mom was the breadwinner in my family. I always thought, That's how it is. I never thought that was the exception.

Pakistani teenager Malala Yousafzai, who is 17, has become the youngest person ever to win the Nobel Peace Prize. So a Pakistani teenager literally can change the world, while American teenagers literally can't even.

Donald Trump had a hit TV show on NBC for 14 years! He was covered by every major newspaper for 30 years. The idea that any one person humanized... He's been the most human figure for decades. The reason he won is because he knows how to use the media and he's a great communicator, whether you agree with the message or not.

Comedy is frightening at first because you're opening yourself up. When it's just you and people hate it, you're like, "Oh God. Do they hate me?"