Top 96 Quotes & Sayings by Craig Kilborn

Explore popular quotes and sayings by an American entertainer Craig Kilborn.

Last updated on September 18, 2024.

Craig Lawrence Kilborn is an American comedian, sports and political commentator, actor, and television host. Kilborn began a career in sports broadcasting in the late 1980s, leading to an anchoring position at ESPN's SportsCenter from 1993 to 1996. He was later the first host of The Daily Show, which he hosted from 1996 to 1998, and succeeded Tom Snyder on CBS' The Late Late Show from 1999 to 2004. In 2010, he launched The Kilborn File after a six-year absence from television, which aired on some Fox stations for a six-week trial run. In comedy, Kilborn is known for his deadpan delivery.

American - Entertainer | Born: August 24, 1962

Source: Wikipedia

Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night on the couch.

Craig Kilborn

People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife.

Craig Kilborn

However, frat-boy humor is funny and it always will be.

Craig Kilborn

I enjoyed retirement the right way... linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

Craig Kilborn

I don't do well around the angry, bitter and emotionally fragile among us, which may eliminate 70% of the population.

Craig Kilborn

President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.

Craig Kilborn

As fighting in Iraq intensifies, President Bush delivered his supplemental war budget to Congress. The money will cover 30 days of fighting, then we'll be sent one war every other month until we cancel our subscription.

Craig Kilborn

In Massachusetts, scientists have created the first human clone. The bad thing is that in thirty years, the clone will still be depressed because the Boston Red Sox will still have not won a World Series.

Craig Kilborn

I'm going to miss my best friends - my cameras.

Craig Kilborn

CBS was very generous in their offer to re-sign me. But I simply want to try something new.

Craig Kilborn

Comedy doesn't always have to come from a dark place.

Craig Kilborn

I'm from the Midwest.

Craig Kilborn

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.'

Craig Kilborn

People who go into show business are screwed up.

Craig Kilborn

Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

Craig Kilborn

I think that you're always going to have some people who are negative or view you in a certain way.

Craig Kilborn

They're saying Arnold will get 95% of the vote. At least according to his brother, Jeb Schwarzenegger.

Craig Kilborn

John Kerry was officially endorsed by Dick Gephardt, and Kerry said, 'What did I ever do to you?'

Craig Kilborn

New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.

Craig Kilborn

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

Craig Kilborn

The places I've worked in the past, I always stayed three years and moved on.

Craig Kilborn

I thought late-night was crowded... the format's repetitive.

Craig Kilborn

Broadcasting was something, I don't want to say it came easy, but it's something I'm comfortable doing.

Craig Kilborn

It's fun being creative and that's satisfying.

Craig Kilborn

Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.

Craig Kilborn

I have a wonderful respect for old people.

Craig Kilborn

My brother asked me once, 'Are you a misanthrope?' And I said, 'No, I just find people irritating.'

Craig Kilborn

I always tell people I romanticize about doing something simple, like doing radio in northern California.

Craig Kilborn

I learned at an early age that using the third person will push some buttons.

Craig Kilborn

I don't complain.

Craig Kilborn

I used to make fun of young people when I was 17 - the angst, the insecurities, all those tattoos.

Craig Kilborn

I lived in a studio apartment until my mid-30s. I don't have an extravagant lifestyle.

Craig Kilborn

I think mankind is overly sensitive, very needy, greedy, and flawed.

Craig Kilborn

George W. Bush even stopped in Pennsylvania to try his hand at the lotto and gave up when he could only think of the numbers 4 and 17

Craig Kilborn

John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.

Craig Kilborn

With Iraq plunging into chaos and gas prices at record highs President Bush took time out this weekend for a ride on his bicycle, but unfortunately he fell off and sustained cuts to his face and hands. Apparently Bush was distracted by the enormous responsibilities of the presidency. I'm just kidding. He hit some gravel or something.

Craig Kilborn

A study shows breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness... from all the free drinks.

Craig Kilborn

Tom Ridge now says we don't have to run out and put plastic sheets all over the house. Great, tell that to my dead parakeet.

Craig Kilborn

Martha Stewart was convicted of four counts of lying and obstruction of justice and could serve up to 20 years in Congress.

Craig Kilborn

Saddam Hussein is about to face trial and George Bush wants to execute him. Not because of the war crimes, but because Saddam is beating him in the polls.

Craig Kilborn

The election is in full-swing. Republicans have taken out round-the-clock ads promoting George Bush. Don't we already have that? It's called Fox News.

Craig Kilborn

Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500B deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he's going to put it on his wife's Gold Card.

Craig Kilborn

It's weird watching President Bush struggle with excuses for why we went to war. As he struggles, it reminds us all what a terrific liar Bill Clinton really was.

Craig Kilborn

Or as hockey player Sergei Fedorov knows it, 'The day I can legally start telling everyone I am sleeping with Anna Kournikova.'

Craig Kilborn

Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.

Craig Kilborn

President Bush says in the last month he has created 300,000 new jobs. Yeah, they're called Kerry campaign workers.

Craig Kilborn

Boeing is working on an invisible fighter jet so nobody can see who's flying it. Didn't George Bush fly this in the National Guard, I believe?

Craig Kilborn

The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.

Craig Kilborn

Clinton said he feels safe in Harlem. It's the only place in the state Hillary is scared to look for him after dark.

Craig Kilborn

Bush said the unemployment situation is turning around. Last week alone, 5,000 people started working for John Kerry.

Craig Kilborn

Bryant Gumbel is thrilled about his CBS deal and can't wait to start alienating the staff of an entirely new network.

Craig Kilborn

There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said, 'I do.'

Craig Kilborn

As the Democrats get revved up at their convention in Boston, President Bush is fighting back the only way he knows how: by going on vacation! Ah, it's nice to take a rest, replenish your supply of smirks. The vacation was expected, because Bush traditionally takes a month off every summer to relax and avoid reading National Security Warnings.

Craig Kilborn

Federal authorities have informed Martha Stewart's lawyers she will be indicted for her role in the ImClone insider trading scandal. Good news for Martha - stripes are back in this year.

Craig Kilborn

President Bush is in the hot seat over Iraqi pre-war intelligence. Remember the good ol' days when the only thing the president was trying to cover up was a stain?

Craig Kilborn

You may have heard this, that NASA discovered water on Mars When he heard about the water on Mars, President Bush said, 'Is it regular or unleaded?'

Craig Kilborn

President Bush is not fazed by other candidates' war records. He said, I may have not fought in Vietnam, but I created one.

Craig Kilborn

In a new poll 54 percent believed President Bush exaggerated the size of Iraq's missile threat. Hey, he's a guy.

Craig Kilborn

President Bush said John Kerry is on both sides of every issue. And Kerry replied, 'No, I'm not ... but there is some truth to that.'

Craig Kilborn

On Sunday, the president flies to the Azores islands to attend a summit with British Prime Minister Tony Blair and Spanish Prime Minister Jose Aznar, and here's my prediction: Bush gets voted off.

Craig Kilborn

Top 96 Quotes & Sayings by Craig Kilborn

Related Authors