Top 236 Quotes & Sayings by Dane Cook

Explore popular quotes and sayings by an American comedian Dane Cook.

Last updated on September 16, 2024.

Dane Jeffrey Cook is an American stand-up comedian and film actor. He has released six comedy albums: Harmful If Swallowed; Retaliation; Vicious Circle; Rough Around the Edges: Live from Madison Square Garden; and Isolated Incident. In 2006, Retaliation became the highest charting comedy album in 28 years and went platinum. He performed an HBO special in late 2006, Vicious Circle, a straight-to-DVD special titled Rough Around The Edges, and a Comedy Central special in 2009 titled Isolated Incident. He is known for his use of observational, often vulgar, and sometimes dark comedy.

American - Comedian | Born: March 18, 1972

Source: Wikipedia

I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.

Dane Cook

In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak.

Dane Cook

That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.

Dane Cook

I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it's so different from standup.

Dane Cook

I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.

Dane Cook

I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.

Dane Cook

Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.

Dane Cook

There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.

Dane Cook

I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.

Dane Cook

Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there.

Dane Cook

My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.

Dane Cook

Here's the thing about Red Sox fans, or actually just fans from that region, in general: they appreciate the effort. And if you mail it in or if you give 80 percent, even with a win, they'll let you know that's not how you do it. They want - if it's comedian, if it's a musician, bring us your best show.

Dane Cook

In the year 3000, everything will be instant.

Dane Cook

I feel like the gods have certainly patted me on the head.

Dane Cook

The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related.

Dane Cook

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.

Dane Cook

I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.

Dane Cook

When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.

Dane Cook

My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.

Dane Cook

When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.

Dane Cook

I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.

Dane Cook

If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. They're very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.

Dane Cook

I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.

Dane Cook

When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'

Dane Cook

I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I'm not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry for himself when something's bad.

Dane Cook

I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'

Dane Cook

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Dane Cook

I've lived in LA for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't any more.

Dane Cook

I'm a late-night guy.

Dane Cook

As a comedian, I am obligated to tell you the truth, my truth. To share with you my beliefs, my perspective. And I think that we forget sometimes that that's the oath that comics take, that we will go up and share everything - the irreverent, the scary.

Dane Cook

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

Dane Cook

Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!

Dane Cook

When something's good, I'm not an over-celebrator.

Dane Cook

I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh.

Dane Cook

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

Dane Cook

I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.

Dane Cook

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Dane Cook

My nickname for my mom was 'The Compass.'

Dane Cook

Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.

Dane Cook

I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks.

Dane Cook

I'm interested in doing everything and anything that I can to squeeze that creativity out of my brain. I guess I'm sort of a performance rat.

Dane Cook

I do try to keep my show very improvisational. I don't work off a set list; I like to keep it more in the moment. I like to have information about where I'm going, what might be happening in that particular region as well. I like for people to feel like the show is for them.

Dane Cook

I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. If I'm at home, I'm usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance, so if the right script comes along, and I certainly am reading comedies and dramas now, then I'm ready willing and able to give it a shot.

Dane Cook

We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.

Dane Cook

I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.

Dane Cook

I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations.

Dane Cook

When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.

Dane Cook

I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.

Dane Cook

People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.

Dane Cook

I get so into the moment.

Dane Cook

I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.

Dane Cook

No one wants to drown. Drowning would be the worst. Cause everyone knows that feeling. That feeling, oh it's the worst... when you think you're drowning.

Dane Cook

You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.

Dane Cook

My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.

Dane Cook

I did stand-up comedy for seventeen years. I need to explore other things.

Dane Cook

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

Dane Cook

Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.

Dane Cook

I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.