Top 573 Quotes & Sayings by Daniel Handler - Page 2

Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something

We are all told to ignore bullies. It's something they teach you, and they can teach you anything. It doesn't mean you learn it. It doesn't mean you believe it. One should never ignore bullies. One should stop them.

The children of this world and the adults of this world are in entirely separate boats and only drift near each other when we need a ride from someone or when someone needs us to wash our hands.

Lemony Snicket. Now, I'm told - the books, of course, starting from the very first one, became hugely popular, selling millions and millions. And I understand that when you used to go around to talk to your very young fans, you would appear as Lemony Snicket's representative or agent.

Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.

I have produced things that I would say were sincerely cheerful. But then I am reminded by other people that no one else would see them that way.

I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong.

Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure.

When I was researching my very first novel, "The Basic Eight," I was calling right-wing political and religious organizations and asking them to mail me their material so that I could mock them in my novels.

People worry more about girls, for a good reason: I don't think my parents thought I was going to be raped by a classmate or attacked when I was walking alone in some neighborhood. So it's not just paranoid parents.

People don't always get what they deserve in this world.

It was darker than a pitch-black panther, covered in tar, eating black licorice at the very bottom of the deepest part of the Black Sea.

If you don’t care about something, one way to demonstrate your feelings is to say the word and then repeat the word with the letters S-C-H-M replacing the first letters. Somebody who didn’t care about dentists, for instance could say ‘Dentist, schmentists.

I gasped and pointed the way. I gave you an adventure, Ed, right in front of you but you never saw it until I showed you, and that's why we broke up.

Besides getting several paper cuts in the same day or receiving the news that someone in your family has betrayed you to your enemies, one of the most unpleasant experiences in life is a job interview.

They looked at each other like a pair of parentheses.

We weren't friends[...]We were more like jigsaw pieces, each of us part of the same big picture. There are people like this wherever you go. They are part of the same mystery as you are, but you can't quite tell how you fit together. The world is a puzzle, and we can't solve it alone.

I am so tired, I can hardly type these worfs.

Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation.

Hup hup ha ha hammy hee hee!

Death is something you cannot escape, such as death, or a cheesecake that has curdled, both of which always turn up sooner later.

I think I’ve always believed that there is one person in the universe who you’re truly meant for–for whom you are truly meant–and the fact that sometimes there are two or even more people on the earth you can fall in love with really bothers me. It suggests that if you work hard you can be meant for anyone.

Unless you have been very, very lucky, you have undoubtedly experienced events in your life that have made you cry. So unless you have been very, very lucky, you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.

The thing you hope will never happen to you might just happen to someone else instead, who has been spending their life dreading the thing that will happen to you.

So every so often, when I meet someone who's honestly appalled by my books and doesn't understand why they would be attractive to people... I find such people sort of charming, even though they usually don't like me.

There are few sights sadder than a ruined book.

For Beatrice, when we first met, I was lonely, and you were pretty. Now I am pretty lonely.

For Beatrice- My love for you shall live forever. You, however, did not.

What should we call him?" Klaus asked. "You should call him Dr. Montgomery," Mr. Poe replied, "unless he tells you to call him Montgomery. Both his first and last names are Montgomery, so it doesn't make much difference." "His name is Montgomery Montgomery?" Klaus said, smiling. "Yes, and I'm sure he's very sensitive about that, so don't ridicule him," Mr. Poe said, coughing again into his handkerchief.

Or why you are wearing a picture of Santa Clause on you shirts, but-” “It’s Herman Melville.

There are some who go through life with a shadow hanging over them, particularly if they live in a building which has long wide awnings.

What happens in a certain place can stain your feelings for that location, just as ink can stain a white sheet.

It is often difficult to admit that someone you love is not perfect, or to consider aspects of a person that are less than admirable.

I guess we’ll be traveling in uncharted waters.” “That’ll be fun,” Phil said.

I found powerful the idea that everything we have is, in effect, stolen from everybody else.

Is it fair for the bears to come down to where humans live, looking for food? Is it fair for the Duke's soldiers to shoot at them? Is it fair for the bears to crush them with giant snowballs? Often, if you point out something that isn't fair, someone will reply, "Life isn't fair." What is to be done with such people?

Either you have the feeling or you don't. Hawk Davies

When do you learn that the world, like any diner worth its salt, is open twenty-four hours a day?

The library was one enormous room, with long, high metal shelves and the perfect quiet that libraries provide for anyone looking for an answer.

Bad circumstances have a way of ruining things that would otherwise be pleasant.

The last time I saw you I was trying to throw thumbtacks into your cradle!

There are many difficult things in this world to hide, but a secret is not one of them.

Announcing your death should be like announcing that you are a lunar moth: It must be done quietly or it will not be believed.

If you enjoy books with happy endings than you are better off reading some other book.

It is so rare in this world to meet a trustworthy person who truly wants to help you, and finding such a person can make you feel warm and safe, even if you are in the middle of a windy valley high up in the mountains.

In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle.

There are some people who believe that home is where one hangs one's hat, but these people tend to live in closets and on little pegs.

It is very easy to say that the important thing is to try your best, but if you are in real trouble the most important thing is not trying your best, but getting to safety.

I’m happier than a pig eating bacon!

Waiting is one of life’s hardships.

I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.

How do you forget something? You just walk away from it, those who are still alive. There are so few clearings in our hearts and minds, so few places where something can't grow on top of whatever happened to us before, and this is love too.

It has been said that the hardest job in the world is raising a child, but the people who says this have probably never worked at a comb factory or captured pirates on the high seas.

Do the scary thing first, and get scared later.

I write storys to entertain not to be the best

But the three siblings were not born yesterday. Violet was born more than fifteen years before this particular Wednesday, and Klaus was born approximately two years after that, and even Sunny, who had just passed out of babyhood, was not born yesterday. Neither were you, unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.

The worst surroundings in the world can be tolerated if the people in them are interesting and kind.

Dead women tell no tales. Sad men write them down.

Never look a gift lion in the mouth.

Normally it is not polite to go into somebody’s room without knocking, but you can make an exception if the person is dead, or pretending to be dead.