Top 200 Quotes & Sayings by Daniel Tosh - Page 4

Explore popular quotes and sayings by an American comedian Daniel Tosh.

Last updated on December 22, 2024.

Ben Roethlisberger is Tim Tebow minus Jesus.

Daniel Tosh

e foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.

Daniel Tosh

I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.

Daniel Tosh

I will shut down Instagram so girls can't use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty; you're eyes aren't that blue, and you don't glow.

Daniel Tosh

I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling.

Daniel Tosh

Never hit a woman unless you are a bigger woman.

Daniel Tosh

I'm not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That's my range.

Daniel Tosh

Here’s what I tell people now when they come to my shows: “First of all, thank you for stimulating the economy, or at least my economic package.”

Daniel Tosh

Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.

Daniel Tosh

You are a sick freak who should be beaten.

Daniel Tosh

Is it okay to roofie a girl just to shut her up?

Daniel Tosh

If you offer me a starring role in a movie, I have no interest.

Daniel Tosh

You know, you can only cram your beliefs down a young kid's throat for so long before he goes, "you know, the other side seems to be having a lot more fun."

Daniel Tosh

I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.

Daniel Tosh

Until I see proof of this reincarnation or cloning, I'm gonna live up this life. That was kinda the path I took. But I fulfilled my obligations.

Daniel Tosh

It's not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.

Daniel Tosh

Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.

Daniel Tosh

I don't know what's funny and what's not so I test out all of my material in front of audiences.

Daniel Tosh

People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.

Daniel Tosh

I can say that. I have a television show.

Daniel Tosh

Top 200 Quotes & Sayings by Daniel Tosh - Page 4

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