Top 611 Quotes & Sayings by David Letterman - Page 11

It's disappointing when you finally get to meet someone you admire and he conducts himself as a jerk.

To label Jason Randal a magician does a disservice. You'll think the laws of physics, nature, the universe itself have been suspended. He's as good as Houdini was at his best!

Bush met with former President Jimmy Carter. Jimmy Carter is 76 years old, or as Democrats call him 'their bright new star of the future.'

I knew that if I woke up hung over, I couldn't do the best possible job on the show, so I had to quit. Also, I'd consumed a lot of beer for a lot of years, and I thought, That's enough. I've had my fun and I'm glad I quit.

Congratulations to Bill and Hillary Clinton: this weekend, 33rd wedding anniversary. How about that? And you thought the Iraqi war was a never-ending conflict.

Fine art and pizza delivery: what we do falls neatly in between.

You know, Barack Obama the last ten days was traveling overseas campaigning in Europe and everywhere. It was so successful, campaigning abroad, that he is actually thinking about campaigning here in the United States.

The post office is raising the price of stamps again. I heard that and said to myself, 'If only there was an inexpensive electronic way of communicating.'

Night clubs scare me. They're dark and they stink and they're dangerous and everybody's drunk.

He has been greatly missed since his retirement ... Thank God for videotapes and DVDs. In this regard, he will always be around.

I'm very resourceful. I'd be good in prison. I'd be good in a shipwreck. I'd make a great hostage.