Top 316 Quotes & Sayings by Dorothy Parker

Lady, lady, never start Conversation toward your heart; Keep your pretty words serene; Never murmur what you mean. Show yourself, by word and look, Swift and shallow as a brook. Be as cool and quick to go As a drop of April snow; Be as delicate and gay As a cherry flower in May. Lady, lady, never speak Of the tears that burn your cheek- She will never win him, whose Words had shown she feared to lose. Be you wise and never sad, You will get your lovely lad. Never serious be, nor true, And your wish will come to you- And if that makes you happy, kid, You'll be the first it ever did.

Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.

I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.

I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

But I don't give up; I forget why not.

There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.

The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

[On Katharine Hepburn's stage performance:] She ran the whole gamut of emotions, from A to B.

[On the ringing of her doorbell or telephone:] What fresh hell is this?

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

He is a writer for the ages, the ages of four to eight.

Telegram to a friend who had just become a mother after a prolonged pregnancy: Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away.

I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you.

If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy.

If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.

Honesty means nothing until you are tested under circumstances where you are sure you could get away with dishonesty.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Four be the things I am wiser to know: Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe. Four be the things I'd been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt. Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne. Three be the things I shall have till I die: Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.

[After she and Clare Boothe Luce met in a doorway and the latter said, 'Age before beauty':] Pearls before swine.

Women and elephants never forget.

Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.

If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.

Vice is nice, but liquor is quicker.

When I was young and bold and strong, The right was right, the wrong was wrong. With plume on high and flag unfurled, I rode away to right the world. But now I’m old - and good and bad, Are woven in a crazy plaid. I sit and say the world is so, And wise is s/he who lets it go.

I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money.

Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? A: You can't hear an enzyme.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

Most good women are hidden treasures who are only safe because nobody looks for them.

I hate writing, I love having written.

By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing. And he vows his passion is, Infinite, undying. Lady make note of this -- One of you is lying.

If I didn't care for fun and such, I'd probably amount to much. But I shall stay the way I am, Because I do not give a damn.

[On being shown an apartment by a real estate agent:] Oh, dear, that's much too big. All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.

Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.

The best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk.

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

It was written without fear and without research.

You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.

If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them.

Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!

If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.

I don't mind anything that's written about me, as long as it's not true.

Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.

Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.

You do what you can, and you do it because you should. But all you can do is all you can do.

Genius can write on the back of old envelopes but mere talent requires the finest stationery available.

Writing well is the best revenge.