Top 248 Quotes & Sayings by Dov Davidoff
Explore popular quotes and sayings by Dov Davidoff.
Last updated on September 17, 2024.
You can tell a lot about a person by whether or not they're a transvestite.
I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.
Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.
The next actor I meet that uses the term 'courageous' to describe another actor's performance is getting punched in the face.
All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.
Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism.
I'm pretty happy for someone who struggles with happiness.
Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs.
The world treats beautiful people like they're good at something, which makes it so that they almost never get good at something.
The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.
Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
If I were a bad black comic I would name my special, Yo mama, and other stories of a lack of self awareness.
I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.
I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms.
Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.
Ending a sentence with yo, is like saying, I don't want a job. Not today. Not ever. Know what I mean yo?
It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.
I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.
A lot of people wouldn't feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren't dating my girlfriend.
Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.
I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away you still have the weekend.
The expectation of happiness creates a lot of unhappiness.
If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.
I'd like to expand the definition of the word 'success' to include 'failure' as the one seems inseparable from the other.
Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their father never gave them.
Unlicensed, illegal immigrants are the safest drivers on the road.
Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
We're born alone and we die alone. So in between, let's spend time with people that make us feel good... or at least put-out.
Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.
Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
Writing a new film about cereal killers. Not serial killers, cereal killers. The main character can eat two, three boxes at a time.
Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.
If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.
Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
Quality thoughts will turn their back on you if you don't treat them with respect.
Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint.
The worst part about people with bad personalities is they don't know it.
Upside of being an attractive woman; if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.
Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.
Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.
Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.
Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break.
I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.
Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.
I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal?
Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
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