Top 185 Quotes & Sayings by E. W. Howe - Page 3

A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife.

Nothing tires a man more than to be grateful all the time.

Reading is like permitting a man to talk a long time, and refusing you the right to answer.

It is your enemies who keep you straight. For real use one active, sneering enemy is worth two ordinary friends.

No man has all the wisdom in the world; everyone has some.

No man's credit is ever as good as his money.

When I get hold of a book I particularly admire, I am so enthusiastic that I loan it to someone who never brings it back.

Most of us are either too think to enjoy eating, or too fat to enjoy walking.

A conquered foe should be watched.

What is common sense? That which attracts the least opposition that which brings most agreeable and worthy results.

Friends are like a pleasant park where you wish to go; while you may enjoy the flowers, you may not eat them.

If the fools do not control the world, it isn't because they are not in the majority.

The way to keep a cat is to try to chase it away.

Put cream and sugar on a fly and it tastes very much like a raspberry.

The only thing some people do is get older.

Nothing is wonderful when you get used to it.

A women could never be President. A condidate must be over 35, and where are you going to find a woman who will admit she's over 35?

A man will do more for his stubbornness than for his religion or his country

I believe in grumbling; it is the politest form of fighting known.

People never have confidence in a Big Talker. They know his statements must be cut down, but they can never tell how much.

A religion that never suffices to govern a man will never suffice to save him; that which does not sufficiently distinguish one from a wicked world will never distinguish him from a perishing world.

So long as we do not blow our brains out, we have decided life is worth living.

The only gambling tip which amounts to anything is to keep out of the game.

If you have sense enough to realize why flies gather around a restaurant, you should be able to appreciate why men run for office.

A really busy person never knows how much he weighs.

If you go to church, and like the singing better than the preaching, that's not orthodox.

A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did.

The most agreeable thing in life is worthy accomplishment. It is not possible that the idle tramp is as contented as the farmers along the road who own their own farms, and whose credit is good at the bank in town. When the tramps get together at night, they abuse the farmers, but do not get as much satisfaction out of it as do the farmers who abuse the tramps. The sounder your argument, the more satisfaction you get out of it.

I declare my belief that it is not your duty to do anything that is not to your own interest. Whenever it is unquestionably your duty to do a thing, then it will benefit you to perform that duty.

Indignation does no good unless it is backed with a club of sufficient size to awe the opposition.

There is no such thing as a convincing argument, although every man thinks he has one.

There must be some good in the cocktail party to account for its immense vogue among otherwise sane people.

Where the guests at a gathering are well-acquainted, they eat 20 per cent more than they otherwise would.

When a man asks your advice, he usually tells you just how he expects you to decide.

There is no get-rich-quick scheme equal to a poor girl marrying a rich man.

No wonder the teacher knows so much; she has the book.

When you can't do anything else to a boy, you can make him wash his face.

A woman does not spend all her time in buying things; she spends part of it in taking them back.

A man who will not get scared on some occasions, lacks good sense.

No scheme pays as well as legitimate business.

I have long been disposed to judge men by their average. If it is reasonably high, I am charitable with faults that look pretty black.

We are not free, it was not intended we should be. A book of rules is placed in our cradle, and we never get rid of it until we reach our graves. Then we are free, and only then.

We must be truthful and fair in the ordinary affairs of life before we can be truthful and fair in patriotism and religion.

No really sensible person ever remembers enough poetry to recite it.

Express a mean opinion of yourself occasionally; it will show your friends that you know how to tell the truth.

When a man once gets a start holding office, it is nearly always necessary to finally choke him off.

In thousands of years there has been no advance in public morals, in philosophy, in religion or in politics, but the advance in business has been the greatest miracle the world has ever known.

As soon as the people fix one Shame of the World, another turns up.

Youth is about the only thing worth having, and that is about the only thing youth has.

When a man diets, he eats oatmeal in addition to everything else he usually eats.

Love affairs have always greatly interested me, but I do not greatly care for them in books or moving pictures. In a love affair, I wish to be the hero, with no audience present.

Success does not mean happiness: it means an unusual number of industrious enemies.

Probably you have noted the resemblance of the critic to the crank.

The man who insists he as good as anybody, believes he is better.

A loafer never works except when there is a fire; then he will carry out more furniture than anybody.

We love the Lord, of course, but we often wonder what He finds in us.

Men are virtuous because women are; women are virtuous from necessity.

When a man is trying to sell you something, don't imagine he is that polite all the time.

When a man dies, and his kin are glad of it, they say, "He is better off."

Most people have seen worse things in private than they pretend to be shocked at in public.