Top 210 Quotes & Sayings by Evan Esar
Explore popular quotes and sayings by an American writer Evan Esar.
Last updated on September 18, 2024.
The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.
Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment.
The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.
Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.
America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
A husband is like a fire - he goes out when unattended.
A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.
Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose.
A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.
Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
All men are created equal and endowed by their Creator with a mighty urge to become otherwise.
Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.
The difference between us and other people is that their money looks bigger and their troubles smaller.
Experience is a great teacher, and sometimes a pretty teacher is a great experience.
There are two kinds of leaders: those who are interested in the flock, and those who are interested in the fleece.
The lazy man claims he is too heavy for light work and too light for heavy work.
An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.
Sometimes the unexpected happens when you don't expect a person to come up to expectations.
If you can't bear to have your face stepped on, don't try to climb the ladder of success.
The word impossible is peculiar because if you examine it closely, you'll find that most of it is possible.
Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.
A special skill, like speaking several languages, or keeping your mouth shut in one.
The cat: an animal that's so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time.
Many a man works himself to death by burying himself in his work.
Children grow out of childhood, but parents never grow out of parenthood.
Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage.
If it required some effort to go from today to tomorrow, some people would always remain in yesterday.
Times change: it was once the custom to take a bath weekly and religion daily.
Ego: The only thing that can keep growing without nourishment.
Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.
The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.
You are not fully dressed until you wear a smile.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.
Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary.
There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living.
Adam and Eve were the first of all unions to defy management.
Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.
Some women get divorces on the grounds of incompatibility; others, on just the first two syllables.
The trouble with dieting is that a pound of will power takes off only an ounce of weight.
The trouble with the world is that laziness is seldom curable and never fatal.
Conscience gets a lot of credit that really belongs to cowardice.
If you don't like to make excuses or apologies, stop making promises.
There would be no population explosion if people who are trying to keep the wolf from the door wouldn't let the stork fly in through the window.
The difference between two men is usually a woman.
Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
In a democracy, you believe it or not; in a dictatorship, you believe it or else.
The only place where you can find equality is in the cemetery.
It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
Egocentricity: The vanity that makes you wonder what people are thinking about you when they are really wondering what you are thinking about them.
This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.
Washington is the place where nobody believes a rumor until it has been officially denied.
You can't judge the ability of a doctor by the amount of praise the undertakers give him.
The most popular form of altruism is giving to others the advice you cannot use yourself.
Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.
The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.
The best way to spoil a good story is by sticking to the facts.
Etymology: from Latin ad-, "to" + visum, past participle of videre, "to see". Advice is what you get from your parents when you are growing up, and from your children when you are growing old.
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