Top 210 Quotes & Sayings by Evan Esar - Page 3
Explore popular quotes and sayings by an American writer Evan Esar.
Last updated on April 19, 2025.
The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you've finally learned it, it's not modern any more.
Next time a man tells you talk is cheap, ask him if he knows how much a session of Congress costs.
If you want to know how little your dignity is worth, take it to the pawnbroker.
In Congress the majority governs, but the minority rules.
Many a wedding takes place when a man can't afford to go steady with a girl any longer.
A man picks a wife about the same way an apple picks a farmer.
To a teenager, it cannot be true love if her family approves of him.
The saddest thing in life is to marry a woman who looks like a cook--and isn't.
The Lord takes care of his own, but church trustees still put lightning rods on the steeple.
A batch of credit cards fattens a wallet before it thins it.
Communism is a form of society where the less people have to eat, the more they have to swallow.
Bureaucracy is more people doing less things, and taking more time to do them worse.
More diets start in dress shops than in doctors' offices.
Many a man who goes to Las Vegas to get away from it all soon finds that Las Vegas gets it all away from him.
The tongue is the only muscle in the human body that never gets tired [talking].
A cynic sees little to admire in the world, while the world sees even less to admire in him.
A credit card is a convenient device that saves you the trouble of counting your change.
A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her -- as long as it's a diamond
The only time a lazy man ever succeeds is when he tries to do nothing.
It's surprising how much wisdom every man possesses -- if not for his own affairs, then for the affairs of others.
Under dictatorship, the people in prison are always superior to the people who put them there.
There is a lot of difference between the man who is not able and his brother who is notable.
All things come to him who waits, but they are mostly leftovers from those who didn't wait.
There's only one kind of common sense but a thousand varieties of stupidity.
The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.
A lazy man's wife is generally the power behind the drone.
You can tell a man's taste in literature by his judgment in knowing what not to read.
A creature that never cries over spilt milk: a cat.
A good loser is all right, but it isn't so much fun to beat him.
A smart mother suggests that her child bring an apple to his teacher; a smarter mother suggests that he bring a couple of aspirins.
Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.
Some members of Congress ought to have their mouths taped instead of their speeches.
Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry -- and the world laughs harder.
Somebody is always doing something that somebody else said couldn't be done.
Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.
Everything comes to him who waits -- if he waits till it comes.
A man doesn't have vacation problems: his boss tells him when to take them, and his wife tells him where.
Good teachers cost a lot; but, poor teachers cost a lot more.
Egocentric: A person who has his I's too close together.
It's not the loss of life that makes the death bitter -- it's the obituaries.
A compromise is a settlement by which each side gets what neither side wanted.
The lecturer who is full of his subject is usually very slow in emptying himself.
Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.
You can always make a loan at a bank if you can show sufficient evidence that you don't need it.
An epigram is the marriage of wit and wisdom; a wisecrack, their divorce.
Some people blow their top, but all people blow their bottom.
Egotist: 1. A person who is his own best friend. 2. An I specialist. 3. A man whose opinions all change, except the one he has of himself.
Don't tear your hair out over a woman; it'll be harder to attract the next one if you're bald.
Worry makes people thin, except when they worry about being fat.
The honeymoon is the only period when a woman isn't trying to reform her husband.
The survival of the fittest is going to make some man very lonesome some day.
In elections, the undecided vote is usually the deciding factor.
Don't be a hog: the only time a hog helps the community is when he dies.
The only thing worse than being on the wrong side of an argument is to be on the right side with no one listening.
The man who doctors himself with the aid of medical books, runs the risk of dying of a typographical error.
Divorce is the price people play for playing with matches.
The disadvantage of becoming wise is that you realize how foolish you've been.
There's nothing as short as short-term debt.
The chief ability of an executive should be his ability to recognize ability.
Many an actor does the stage more ham than good.
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