Top 263 Quotes & Sayings by Garrison Keillor - Page 4

Explore popular quotes and sayings by an American writer Garrison Keillor.
Last updated on December 23, 2024.
Some of us have a relentless urge to attempt what we can never be good at and neglect our true calling.
Liberalism is dead, so dead that Democrats have all become moderate Republicans, and the heavy hand of Big Government is now limp and damp and trembly.
Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our house, and He had me all sketched out down to what size my feet would be (big), which bike I would ride (Schwinn), and the five ears of corn I'd eat for supper that night.
Being rich and thin isn't everything. — © Garrison Keillor
Being rich and thin isn't everything.
The great unrequited love tears open your heart to the beauty of the world, its small rivers and upland meadows. It also makes you kinder to the next hundred thousand persons who cross your path.
There's so many people who move around our country and lose track of their own ancestry. It's nice to know where you come from.
In Lake Wobegon, we don't forget mistakes.
Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.
A man can't eat anger for breakfast and sleep with it at night and not suffer damage to his soul.
The mass of men lead lives of shallow happiness; the superior man exults in his gloom.
If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?
Being an English major prepares you for impersonating authority.
Cleverness is a burden after that. You are supposed to settle down and be a good person, raise your children, and be good to your friends, which you may not have been back when you were clever.
A person does feel sheepish picking on journalists, a class already so richly despised that if a planeload of them crashed in flames, most people would smile from pure reflex.
Ralph Stanley is like an uncle to us and now that all my uncles are gone, Ralph's singing is even more precious. This album of classic folk songs is one of his best. — © Garrison Keillor
Ralph Stanley is like an uncle to us and now that all my uncles are gone, Ralph's singing is even more precious. This album of classic folk songs is one of his best.
We carry adolescence around in our bodies all our lives. We get through the Car Crash Age alive and cruise through our early twenties as cool dudes, wily, dashing, winsome . . . shooting baskets, the breeze, the moon, and then we try to become caring men, good husbands, great fathers, good citizens.
Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards, and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke.
You now have learned enough to see That Cats are much like you and me And other people whom we find Possessed of various types of mind. For some are sane and some are mad And some are good and some are bad And some are better, some are worse ? But all may be described in verse.
It's important for survival that children have their own experiences, the kind they learn from. The kind their parents arrange for are not as useful. Good parents are the hardest to get rid of.
We all know you can get AIDS from sex, but did you know that you can get sex from aides?
Never insult a writer. You may find yourself immortalized in ways you may not appreciate.
I hiked around town, the air sweet and dry, and was sort of overwhelmed by the perfection of it -- the old courthouse, the train depot, Mount [Jumbo] and Mount Sentinel rising up, the neon bars, the funky festivity of a college town .
To the cheater, there is no such thing as honesty, and to Republicans the idea of serving the public good is counterfeit on the face of it ? they never felt such an urge, and therefore it must not exist.
Winter: It's not just a season, it's who we are.
Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it!
Where I come from, when a Catholic marries a Lutheran it is considered the first step on the road to Minneapolis.
To your left is the marina where several senior cabinet officials keep luxury yachts for weekend cruises on the Potomac. Some of these ships are up to 100 feet in length; the Presidential yacht is over 200 feet in length, and can remain submerged for up to 3 weeks.
If you can't trust a Methodist with absolute power to arrest people and not have to say why, then whom can you trust?
Wal-Mart is going in and slaughtering [small towns] just as we once killed the buffalo.
Scripture doesn't promise that God will remove temptation, only that you'll be given strength to withstand it.
...opening up a newspaper is the key to looking classy and smart. Never mind the bronze-plated stuff about the role of the press in a democracy - a newspaper, kiddo, is about Style.
It is more worthy in the eyes of God . . . if a writer makes three pages sharp and funny about the lives of geese than to make three hundred fat and flabby about God or the American people.
The majority of people who keel over dead at concerts are killed by a long trumpet passage.
I'm of an age when if I started to do eulogies, I'd be doing nothing else. You don't want to be remembered? I don't want them to be told to remember me.
She gave him such a look... Man oh man, if looks could kill. That one might have totalled a city block.
No matter what time of year I come here, people always say the same thing: Its not usually like this.
Humor is not about problems with airline luggage handlers. It's about our lives in America and it's about the ends of our lives and it's about everything that happens after that and everything that happened before.
Sing your song; don't let the bastards get you down.
Minnesota is a state of public-spirited and polite people, where you can get a good cappucino and eat Thai food and find any book you want and yet live on a quiet tree-lined street with a backyard and send your kids to public school. When a state this good hits the jackpot, it can only be an inspiration to everybody.
I have taken so many wrong turns and been so careless with precious things and managed to lose, or break, or leave out in the rain so much that I loved. — © Garrison Keillor
I have taken so many wrong turns and been so careless with precious things and managed to lose, or break, or leave out in the rain so much that I loved.
Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement, and now it is a problem to be overcome.
Take care of your friends. Because there will come a time when you'll be no good to anyone, and the only reason for people to talk to you will be sheer habit.
Roy Blount's stuff makes me laugh so hard, sometimes I have to go sit in a room and shut the door
In California virtually everyone has had their teeth whitened. If they all smiled at once, they would give us a headache.
Childhood is the small town everyone came from.
We live a pleasant life shopping at the Food Shoppe . . . taking the kids to the Weinery-Beanery, . . . and eating bran flakes . .. and then, with no warning, we wake up one morning stricken with middle age, full of loneliness, dumb, in pain. Our work is useless, our vocation is lost, and nobody cares about us at all. This is not bearable. In despair, we go do something spectacularly dumb, like run away with Amber the cocktail waitress, and suddenly all the women in our life look at us with unmitigated disgust.
A good friend is a person who thinks you're one of the good eggs, even if he knows you're a little cracked.
... I never was one to get upset about a few scratches on a motor vehicle, it is meant to be used, not saved.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
Bad things don't happen to writers; it's all material. — © Garrison Keillor
Bad things don't happen to writers; it's all material.
Just because we're fictional characters doesn't mean you can pick us up and move us anywhere you want.--the people of Lake Woebegon
Eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot.
Your car, comfort though it be, this little den and dining room on wheels, is a prison that deadens your senses, and to feel wholly alive you must go for a walk.
Humor needs to come in under cover of darkness, in disguise, and surprise people.
We thank you [the soldiers recently returned from the middle east] for your service.
Don't pour the oil directly into my navel, pour it on my sternum and let it run down into my navel, you ignorant peasant.
I've seen the truth, and it makes no sense.
I loved feeling special. I hated feeling special.
Possessing the ideal makes a person nervous: you sense the inevitable decline just ahead.
It?s a beautiful descent in a 737, into the Bitterroot Valley, following the Clark Fork River, on a perfect golden autumn day .
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