Top 102 Quotes & Sayings by George Lopez
Explore popular quotes and sayings by an American comedian George Lopez.
Last updated on December 3, 2024.
Everything will be seen on your computer or BlackBerry or whatever devices we will be seeing in the future. Comedians will put their content on whatever server and send it to you specifically. We may even lose the live performance.
If the worst thing that can happen is that nobody laughs, then I can deal with that, because the worst thing that can happen at the factory is that I could lose a limb or be crushed by a huge machine.
When you go to cable, there are no stations and no affiliates and they allow you to do your show.
Freddie Prinze was my idol, and he died, and there is not much of his stuff to look at. But now, your comedy can live on forever.
Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.
In life, there's a ying and a yang and a balance. And when you don't have balance, you have comedy.
I didn't want to be nobody, and that was the only way I could be somebody was to do stand-up.
If this country wants to elect someone with no political experience who is racially insensitive and golfs... In my first 100 days, I will make Taco Tuesday the law.
The first night was awful because I was so afraid, and I was never more afraid because it was going out of my character to be outgoing and to be vulnerable and to be out there and onstage. My hands were sweaty and I couldn't swallow, and I drank a bottle of wine to calm my nerves.
When I look at the Gospel, I see how it is speaking to me at this time. I see how to be to others and it helps.
I didn't come from a background where I saw a lot of loving couples. All my aunts and uncles were either split up or fighting all the time. The only healthy relationships I saw were on TV.
So I started to relax and would work on my act eight hours a day, sitting at a desk writing at my grandmother's house, and I would put on Richard Pryor Live on Long Beach and would play it like a loop and think and write.
It's a great day in America when white people, black people and Latinos can all come together and pick on another minority.
I've spent days in cinemas answering questions from the audience, in interviews, travelling abroad, and all they do is thank me nicely.
I had a very difficult childhood. I was surrounded by people who had both parents, which made me feel different. Having a bit of a rougher existence early on, it made me appreciate the work ethic that my grandparents instilled in me.
I don't know if the art of stand-up will survive. Stand-up seems dated. Now you can do a mini-movie or a short with a beginning, middle, and end. A guy standing there seems a little old - especially when you can go on the Internet and see 'Funny or Die.'
It was June 4, 1979, the first time I went on stage. I didn't know I could do it but I knew I couldn't not do it. I quit everything in my life and this was the one thing I couldn't quit.
The thing that upsets me the most is the entitlement of people that will stand with a flag and say to some other people that they need to go back to where they came from. When, in fact, they also would need to go back to where they came from, because you need to go all the way back to the beginning.
It's not even about black and white anymore, because so many people are from mixed backgrounds and mixed ethnicities, and it's just a great time to be able to pull all that together.
When things are bad, it's the best time to reinvent yourself.
David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he first took the desk.
I never realized I could love people as much as I do now.
I can't pay her back, but what I can do is make her as happy as she thought I would when we first got married.
I love comedy and I would write things to myself as an exercise in writing. I didn't do well for years, and I quit. I started to break down why I was afraid and started to look at people I admired, like Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Freddie Prinze, George Carlin and all.
I believe that there are certain things that could be taken care of that you don't need a strong political background in.
My grandmother instilled in me a toughness that comes with survival. She was a tough lady and never truly enjoyed her life. She would always worry about things and I would tell her that it wasn't going to get her anywhere and it didn't. I wasn't even that smart back then, but I knew that worrying about everyone else wasn't good for her health. As Latinos, we stress and worry so much about the future when the future is today. As long as we protect what's good in our lives, we will be all right.
You know, you walk through this hotel, you're not going to see all white people; you're not going to see all black people; you're going to see what the world looks like. I promised myself that if I ever got an opportunity where I would be able to make a difference and have a say, that I would want to deliver [that] message [of inclusivity].
I think we all feel the same things most of the time, we just don't know how to put it into words. When I'm on stage, I say it. The truth makes people laugh.
I can never do nothing in this house!
I'm a big fan of reality shows. I thought the first one, Dukes of Hazzard, captured white people perfectly.
Life is moments going by, but if you don't grab them, they're gone. For a long time, the only moments that were available were bad ones. So now I make sure to grab the good ones.
No Angie, it's instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you're laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy next to you is laughing so hard he accidentally farts. BOOM! Friends for life!
Sometimes when you win, you think you're going to get everything to go your way.
My wife gave me a book before we got married, Oh, the Places You'll Go!, by Dr. Seuss. She was trying to tell me something, about what I was capable of, but I didn't get it. Over time, I've sort of lived the message in that book, and I couldn't have without what golf taught me. So I put it in my bag while I played the Old Course, and on the last hole when I posed on the Swilcan Bridge, I held it up.
We need to get better at voting and be a voice for the people who do not have one.
Y'know, if those pews reclined, and the priests gave the Raiders scores I'd go to church every Sunday.
This is L.A. You wanna learn Spanish? Take the bus.
Memories, priceless. Well not really priceless, but there you go!
I used to be ashamed by the way that I grew up. I tried to lie my way through better times, but when you think that honesty and truth is really your best weapon you embrace it and put it behind you. In the end, it drives you and motivates you to do good work. No one should be ashamed about where they come from as long as you desire to be a compassionate and decent person.
When I was 10 there wasnt trampolines and cartoon charaters, I never went to Chuck E Cheese! My mom said 'You wanna see a mouse pull the refrigerator Out!'
You know how Mexican restaurants always have "border" in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn't do that to black people: Kunta's Kitchen or Shackles. They don't do it to white people. You don't see the Honkey Grill, the Cracker Barrel... oh, nevermind.
We're Mexi-cans not Mexi-can'ts.
Laughter survives... it has to survive.
As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house.
I'm not afraid to take on somebody or say something that somebody will find offensive because unfortunately in comedy, you can't say anything really good without offending somebody.
80% of the women who were asked if they fake orgasms said yes. Actually, they said Yes! Oh God, Yes!
Immigration is an issue of global significance in America. And if you look at the terrorist alerts and attacks, Latinos [as a group] are not in the top five list [for] terror alerts.
I want to tell you about a woman I have been married to for ten years, my wife, Ann, who speaking truthfully, saved me from myself. Who saved me from destroying myself because of my background. Who saved me from wasting my life, drinking my life away, never fulfilling my dreams because of what I had come from, and truly believing and loving - truly the first person to ever truthfully, unconditionally love me.
Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi!
Obama is the closest thing to a Latino that we have. Barack. Everybody wants to see his birth certificate too.
By the time I was 11, I wanted to be a comedian. So all those years later, I've managed to achieve my dream as a kid, and it wasn't easy. I'm on the [Hollywood] Walk of Fame and I'm one of the 25 most influential Hispanics in America, according to Time Magazine. I think my duty is to go back and tell kids, 'Whatever color you are, wherever you come from, anything and everything is possible.' And I'm living proof.
One time, I was so hungry, I ate the beans in a bean bag chair.
I grew up not having a father. Golf is the father I never had. It taught me honesty and respect and discipline and it taught me to control my temperament.
People who are homeless, they're not all addicts. A lot of times, they're just people who, through something like losing their job or losing someone in their life, ended up on the streets. So much of our time is spent in cars that sometimes you need to look out of those windows. And you see that a dollar, 50 cents, whatever you have, may not mean much to you, but it means everything to people who are hungry and who are in need.
We are now the proud owners of a white boy. Now we have to shop in the caucasian isle and get sunscreen, mayonaise and mild salsa because the other ones really hawt!
At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom.
Tied one on last night. Not feeling great this morning. I was trying to sleep it off, unfortunately, it was on the casino floor.
No particular race is the enemy. Ignorance is the enemy.
Marijuana brownies are amazing. Very simple to make, too. Just get some Duncan Hines brownie mix and cook the weed right in there. Drop it right in with the butter. I don't know who came up with this idea first, but it's sheer genius.
Look, I made a commitment to corn 17 years ago. Sure, I'm a man. I like to go to a barbecue and see beans that I like: baked beans, red beans, black beans, big plump garbanzos. But in the end, I always come home to my sweet, sweet corn.
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