Top 64 Quotes & Sayings by Greg Giraldo - Page 2

When I masturbate I fantasize about having my own apartment. I used to think about Cindy Crawford now I think about leaving a dish in the sink overnight.

Gilbert Gottfried is famously cheap. I'm impressed you're here Gilbert. You gotta buy new clothes and take a week off work just to do this. But you showed up. You tightened your belt and you came. You're like David Carradine.

"You're an old man who dresses like a Hooter's waitress."

The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.