Top 56 Quotes & Sayings by Hari Kondabolu

Post 9/11, brown people had this force pushing us together. It's like we're all being looked at with fear and suspicion; we're all being targeted, so how do you support yourself and your communities?

January 14, 2000, was my first time on stage, and I've been hooked ever since. I got discovered nationally in Seattle by the now-defunct HBO Comedy Festival, and that led to an appearance on 'Jimmy Kimmel Live' and a path to a professional comedy career.

I am frozen musically somewhere around 2004.

Politics and sports are the same thing in some ways. I like sports; I don't like the sports aspect of politics. The conventions are basically the playoffs, and the election's the Super Bowl. To me, it doesn't feel important.

Heckles always vary. I mean, some people are just drunk, and it's nonsense, or, you know, some people just want to just repeat something I've said or add their own two cents about an opinion, but because of the nature of what I do and who I am, like, I also get the racist stuff, which is hard.

I want to write my own stuff, and, you know, it would be nice to put myself in it. But I would like to hope that there are going to be better roles offered as well and that I don't need to do everything. You know, like, I appreciate my career being somewhat DIY, but it would be nice to get some help.

I'm not a Republican, but I was one once - when I was 7 years old. Not my fault. The symbol of the Republican Party is an elephant, I'm a Hindu - I was confused.

When I started doing standup when I was 17, I was talking about being Indian and specifically ethnic jokes. Straightforward stuff that was fairly ignorant that I knew would get the laugh. It wasn't flipping stereotypes; it was using them.

Seattle is a place I've lived only a couple of years, but I feel like I've been adopted by this city. It's like a hug. I've been recognized on planes, in the airport and by cabdrivers. I don't get that anywhere else in the country.

I'm not like most comedians. I don't deal with just heckles - I'm also dealing with threats and anger. Here I am, a brown person on stage being quite blunt. I talk about white privilege; I talk about U.S. imperialistic practices; I talk about colonialism. I'm not saying things that are easy for people to laugh at.

When you see a comedian on stage, the best comedians make it feel like a conversation. But it's not. We have very little interest in what an audience has to say during a performance. Being a stand-up comedian, you're an egomaniac to some degree. Everyone wants to hear what you have to say, apparently. That's not how real relationships work.

I'm not a politician, I'm not an ideologue, I'm not an organizer anymore. I'm a human being sharing ideas, and those ideas have to feel fresh and from my heart and my head, and I have to feel it. You can't force that feeling.

Both my parents are immigrants. I've seen different struggles they've had. There's a reason you don't see me using accents. I don't do impressions of my folks. When I'm doing a crappy impression of my folks, and you're laughing, I'm thinking, 'When my parents talk to people, when they walk away do people do impressions of them? Do they laugh?'

Stand-up will always be my first love, and it has been the primary way I've expressed myself since I was 17.

You can be funny and say what you mean; these ideas are not mutually exclusive. Some of the best jokes came from people who meant it. See: Pryor, Bruce, Carlin, etc.

After 9/11, I changed a lot of the ways I viewed the world. I realized my comedy and my politics and my view of the world did not match. I had to start writing from my heart.

I try to be as thoughtful as I can about everything that comes out of my mouth and not reinforce sexism.

I feel privileged that I've been able to get anywhere, with my quote-unquote limited mainstream appeal, given my race and subject matter. Of course, I always have my masters to fall back on.

I've been approached after shows from people who said, 'I don't agree with anything you said, but I laughed the whole way through.' That's still a little strange to me. Like, nothing, really? But at the same time, that's what happens in a conversation.

When you ask your white friends what their cultural heritage is, they don't just say white. They give you a math equation. 'Well, I'm a third German and a fourth Irish and one-sixteenth Welsh and one-fortieth Native American for college applications.'

I would love the opportunity to create my own program. I feel like a TV show with a format of monologue with lots of sketches thrown in could be really fun. But you know, that may never happen. Minimally, I just want to keep making stand-up.

I am actually a bit chubby, and I eat everything. I eat in a way - if my parents fed me the way I choose to eat as an adult, they would've lost custody.

The words we use have weight. Whether it's in a conversation with a friend or something said publicly on stage or broadcast. And as performers, we know that because that's why we choose the words we use - that's the whole point of comedy.

Introductions are always weird for me because my name is Hari and it's constantly mispronounced . 'Hurry', 'Hairy' - there are different ways to screw it up, and it leads to these awkward conversations.

I like playing with that space between laughter and discomfort where your discomfort can also make you laugh, and you're confused about the mixed feelings. That's challenging, and I think that's what makes for some of the best art.

When you're a person of color in white America, you know white people. You know why you know white people? Because you can't enjoy any kind of entertainment if you are not able to humanize white people. If you watch a film and are like, "Oh, this has white people in it? Then I'm not interested," then you can't enjoy anything in America!

I always have a bit of a look, a bit of a frown.

When I go to a bar or a party, I feel like a student invited me to the kegger, and I actually ended up going. And everyone's shocked: "Oh, my god, professor, I didn't know you were actually going to come!" That's me in any circle, really, especially when I hang out with my brother's friends.

For years now, people have mentioned my mustache and get disappointed that when they see me live I don't have a mustache.

I had a phase where I had a mustache. There was several times where I had a mustache. I had a mustache in high school because South Asian men can potentially have a great deal of facial hair. So I had a mustache at 14, and then I grew a proper mustache a few years ago. I just thought it would be fun to just have a mustache.

Just give us 50 years where we're the only ones who are allowed to profit from art, and then you can do whoever you want. In fact, I'll buy you the paint. Whatever you want. Just give us 50 years. 50 years. That's it.

I wrote a lot of poetry in the last two years of high school, all about the same girl I was in love with. That was pretty awful. Did you know that in poetry, every line does not need to rhyme?

Horse is fine. I'll ride a horse.

There are a lot of times where people think I'm in things that I'm not in, because they think I'm Kumail Nanjiani.

I don't tie my shoes right. I tie them the way you would tie a gift, like a bow.

I have had vegan Thanksgiving of tofurkey and soy gravy. And it's not to say that Thanksgiving will ever justify the genocide of the Native Americans. But vegan Thanksgiving - that's just spitting on the graves, isn't it?

There are some dogs that are gigantic that look like they shouldn't be in existence.

I don't drink before shows.

I'd love for someone to ask me about comedic technique and choices.

New Zealanders are so chill. I know they say Australians are chill, and I feel like Australians are chill, but I keep thinking, "If they get drunk, they would commit a hate crime." Now that is an extreme position to take, but it's just a feeling I get. New Zealand people, I don't see that.

It's always fun when you see different comics at different weights or with different hair.

It's a sick thing, right: people are afraid of public speaking. I do public speaking, except my public speaking involves the audience only having one type of emotion and one type of reaction. If they have anything other than laughter, it's a failure. That's an absurd thing for a human to try to seek. The main thing to realize is that whatever I say, it's my truth and I believe in it, and if I don't get a laugh off that, then it's not working.

I've always looked older.

Telling me that I’m obsessed with talking about racism in America is like telling me I’m obsessed with swimming when I’m drowning.

I am able to apply certain things to my craft that maybe other comedians don't, because I'm a devotee.

I never learned how to tie my shoes, and I was mocked for that. I still don't know how to.

Who controls the images? Ultimately, we don't control the images. This is the minimum we're allowed to ask for: we don't get to control most of the media. We fight to have some say in the ways we're represented. At the bare minimum, don't insult us in person. That's all we ask! Let us at least be able to function freely in the world.

If I was just allowed to talk and handle the whole thing by myself without the audience interrupting with laughter, the show would be much more interesting. Think about all the time we waste by waiting for them to finish their noise, you know?

People always talk about the content, in terms of the politics of it or whatever social issues are in it, and it's like, "Yeah, but I'm also a good comic." You could at least talk about the form of it, and I feel like that's always the thing that's missed.

I'm always kind of in my head thinking.

When I used to wash my hair with a two-for-one shampoo and conditioner, I would wash it twice, which is completely unnecessary, because that's the point - it's one bottle. Because I used to have the shampoo, that's one, conditioner, one. I did the same thing, even though it was two-in-one. I was corrected in my mid-20s by my girlfriend at the time, who laughed at me and said how stupid that was.

My brother had a mustache, and when my brother had a mustache, it was cool. When I had a mustache, everyone just assumed I'm an immigrant and I don't speak English, which is fascinating. It was a fascinating thing to discover how I looked versus my brother with a mustache.

We've never had a female President in this country, which I find stunning

It would be cool for someone to ask me about some of the structural choices I make with my albums.

I don't look like a lot of fun. I just don't.

Another stupid thing I believed for a long time was that pizza was supposed to be said peed-za.