Top 78 Quotes & Sayings by Howard Stern

I'm on the air five hours, and I blurt out anything in my head. Dangerous? Maybe.

We are busy planning the launch of the channel. I am busy planning all kinds of events that go on the channel without me. I have started producing a sound for the channel.

I'm not looking for a paycheck.

I've never come into anything successful before. I've always been hired by horrible radio stations with horrendous reputations and nothing to lose.

I wanted to go hide. I wasn't looking to be more famous, I'm famous enough.

I seem to be some sort of lightning rod. I just really irritate people, you know? I really do.

I've come to appreciate other people's talents.

I've actually apologized to some people I was a real jerk to, because I feel ashamed. I didn't need to be that hungry. There was something going on inside me when I was angry and feeling very threatened and not feeling good about myself.

I still feel like I gotta prove something. There are a lot of people hoping I fail. But I like that. I need to be hated.

When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.

I feel blessed, I really feel fulfilled.

It's no treat being in bed with me.

Yes, I believe blue material is funny, but if that's all you've got, you're dead in the water. It's not good.

And rather than hide that, I would rather put that out on the radio and let someone see the full range of emotions. If you're going to be strong on the radio, you got to let it all out, even the ugly stuff. And you can't apologize for it.

Well, first of all, I'm worth every penny.

I don't talk about my salary.

I believe I am doing the work for humanity. This show is so uplifting.

My show was revolutionary, ground-breaking. When I came on the scene, people were not doing a thing.

It causes me great pain to sue the company I work for. Nevertheless, I had to do it. Suffice it to say, there's a dispute and I believe I haven't been given what is mine.

I don't like being 50 and I don't like thinking about death.

'The New York Times' list is a bunch of crap. They ought to call it the editor's choice. It sure isn't based on sales.

I think I'm probably a little too desperate to be successful.

I think people of lesser talent will become stars.

Every time I went on the radio, I would take the crummiest radio station, the station that was like a toilet bowl. I would go on there and build up the ratings, so you couldn't do any worse.

There are things that I won't do on the radio. I mean, the next logical question is, what won't you do. I say, well, you know, you've got to find out when you're on the air.

I don't think there's one thing I've ever said on the radio that would have been found indecent or obscene.

If you're a Christian you don't sit there and worry about what somebody else is doing, if they're happy and they're committed in a relationship.

You've got to be a little vicious. You've got to be narcissistic. You've got to be on fire about your career.

I'm the voice of honesty.

I'm sickened by all religions. Religion has divided people. I don't think there's any difference between the pope wearing a large hat and parading around with a smoking purse and an African painting his face white and praying to a rock.

Okay, well, I guess I'm still a kid. Because when I get really angry and fired up and I feel like my back is up against the wall, I will say vicious things.

Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low.

What a crazy idea to put me on a family show!

I will never feel successful.

I didn't listen to executives.

I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

I'm for legalizing marijuana. Why pick on those drugs? Valium is legal. You just go to a doctor and get it and overdose on it - what's the difference? Prozac, all that stuff, so why not marijuana? Who cares? It's something that grows out of the ground - why not? Go smoke a head of cabbage. I don't care what you smoke.

I think I could create a cult, no problem. The hard part is getting people to kill themselves.

I'm trapped inside of me and I don't go out at all. I go to bed at eight o'clock at night. I never go out during the week. I'm in psychotherapy four days a week, pretty heavy commitment to it.

This country (United States) has too many freedoms.

Don't let the government win.

I've always thought that a name says a lot about a person. So naturally, being named Howard, I always wanted to crawl into a hole.

I will never vote Democrat again, they are Communists.

I will always be mad at someone. That will never go away.

I've always been about honesty, whether on the radio, whether I did a movie, whether I wrote a book. As long as you're honest, you don't lose your edge.

It's okay for a man to commit adultery if his wife is ugly.

I believe in censorship when it benefits me.

Please, with the God talk. Hate to break it to you, but there is no God.

I'm going to take over the world. Everyone watch out, you're in big trouble.

Talent is what drives this world ... Doesn’t matter how many satellites you f---ing stick in the air.

I am circumcised, and I tell you something, I despise it. I despise it. I despise it... I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

Relationships are based on trust until you meet someone new.

I don't think any religion makes any sense and I think people who are into that are really getting duped, and I don't think Judaism makes any more sense than Christianity, and I don't think Christianity makes any more sense than Scientology. But here's a guy, L. Ron Hubbard, who told all his friends, 'Look, I'm gonna start a religion, 'cause I can't make any money as a science fiction writer.' I mean, he admitted that publicly! At least with Jesus Christ, you can't go talk to the guy.

You have to make a decision, what you want to do in life, ... Your deal can be, you can leave tomorrow. Soon as you leave, you will be forgotten.

Here's what happens when you die--you sit in a box and get eaten by worms. I guarantee you that when you die, nothing cool happens.

Why be uptight about bowel movements and sex? We all have sex. We all have penises -- except for those of us who have vaginas.

I'm at a point in my career, I've been around a long time now, over 35 years in broadcasting. I don't worry about much. I respect what America's Got Talent is. It is a family show. It is a show that I love.

I'm not a good listener some times. I'm too much of a control freak. I'm learning to be better. I was so caught up in just getting the job done that I would miss out on the human aspect of this. There was a connection missing.

These nutbags, like Santorum and Bachmann, who make these people and especially young gay kids feel miserable, shame on them. They're quacks. I would never vote for them. I wouldn't even listen to them because there but for the grace of God go they.

We all get one life to live here. It's 2012, and for gay and lesbian couples who are in love, not to be able to be married is so absurd.