Top 314 Quotes & Sayings by Jeff Foxworthy - Page 4
Explore popular quotes and sayings by an American comedian Jeff Foxworthy.
Last updated on April 20, 2025.
You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
You might be a redneck if you're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.
You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
It seems like movies that have heart to them always do well, and they find their audience.
You might be a redneck if your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.
As an actor, there was that freedom of not having to worry about lights or marks or other people. It was just going out there and having fun with the character.
You might be a redneck if...you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
You might be a redneck if...the most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection.
You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.
You might be a redneck if you were shooting pool when your kids were born.
You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.
You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.
You might be a redneck if you have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.
You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!
I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.
If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.
You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!
You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
All these years I've sat in airports and kind of drawn people and put like Far Side captions on them.
You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
You might be a redneck if your bumper sticker says, My other car is a combine.
I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.
You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.
Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.
You might be a redneck if the Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.
You might be a redneck if... your high school basketball game got rained out.
Sophisticated people invest their money in stock portfolios. Rednecks invest their money in commemorative plates.
My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.
You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn.
People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.
You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love dolls clothes
You might be a redneck if...Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
You might be a redneck if you watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.
You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
You might be a redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
You might be a redneck if your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.
You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.
You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
You might be a redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
When I did the sitcom I was too naive. I thought, Well, they know what they're talking about, let's do that.
To me, the media in New York and LA have always missed the essence of this country.
Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.
If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.
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