Top 314 Quotes & Sayings by Jeff Foxworthy - Page 5

You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.

If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if directions to your house include turn off the paved road.

You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

Any job that posts a price list for your body parts is a bad job.

You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.

You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.

You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

Thank God I'm at that point in my career where I don't have to take stuff that I don't really want to do.

You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.

You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best picture.

You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.

You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.

You might be a redneck if your daughter's Barbie's Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.

You might be a redneck if you consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.

You might be a redneck if your dogs name is Miller Light

If you think fast food is hittin a deer att 65 miles per hr.. you might be a redneck

You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.

You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You.

You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!

The biggest thing I've learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.

You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.

You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.

You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are Howdy!, Hey! or How Y'all Doin'?

You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.

You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.

That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.

You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.

You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Canada

You might be a redneck if you have started a petition to change the National Anthem to Georgia on My Mind.

If you ahve ever unloaded your pickup by backing up really fast and slamming on the brakes, you might be a redneck.

If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart.. You might be a rednneck

You might be a redneck if your 'huntin dog' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.

Country music is about new love and it's about old love. It's about gettin' drunk and gettin' sober. It's about leavin' and it's about comin' home. It's real music sung by real people for real people, the people that make up the backbone of this country. You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.

You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

You might be a redneck if you move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.

The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'

You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.

If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.

You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.

You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity

You might be a redneck if the antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.