Top 88 Quotes & Sayings by Joe Lycett
Explore popular quotes and sayings by a British comedian Joe Lycett.
Last updated on April 14, 2025.
There's a viral video of a young girl learning to say 'who' but pronouncing it as 'wah' which I think could be one of the funniest things that has ever happened.
I make a sensational chicken, chorizo and mung bean stew.
Since doing comedy, I'm less of a show-off in real life.
Because lots of LGBTQ people are really smart, and there's so much really interesting reading that can be done, and so much academic writing that's been done about it, people can end up getting quite academic about it.
Alan Carr is an out and proud gay man but there isn't a famous bisexual equivalent - it's a lot rarer.
I love living in Birmingham, it's just a lovely gentle life, and it's calm. And it's full of Brummies who I find hilarious.
I'm a bit done with weddings. There are so many and I'm so bored of them.
I remember weeping silently in bed after watching 'Titanic.'
I get frustrated by the way camp is portrayed sometimes. Camp, for me, is a nice 'everyone is welcome' kind of thing rather than an 'ooh, what's she wearing' kind of thing.
I have always been an extrovert. When I was younger, I would go outside and sing to the flowers and pretend they were the orchestra. As one of my parents' friends said, I was an odd boy.
I'm not sure if I'm an introvert or extrovert. I love being around people, but sometimes I do need to go off and fart.
You should always ask for a refund at the theatre, apart from my shows, of course, where I won't be handing out any refunds.
I don't want a little Oliver/Olivia parasite running about eating my biscuits. My friends, on the other hand, are procreating like humanity depends on it, and it doesn't.
I don't want someone to be nice and friendly while telling me my bill's gone up by 10 per cent because they've just decided that.
I'd done some acting and I didn't like being told what to do by the director, the structure of it.
It's a cliche, but the people who enjoy your work and who come up and say, 'I enjoyed that and I liked that,' they are the people who ultimately are keeping you in work. And so, it would be rude and ungrateful of me to be anything but polite.
I am now reconciled to the fact that I am a millennial through and through.
If you organise a dinner party, and two guests cancel, it is still a dinner party: you still get to eat dinner.
I sleep all the time! I often leave an event early because I want to have a snooze.
Every year I buy a big faux-fur coat for the winter.
Every hairstyle I have is funny because my barber is a standup comedian by the slightly unfortunate name of Paul Sweeney. His cuts are fantastic but the chats are even better.
I think the city isn't talked about enough, there are not enough people championing Birmingham. When I was at university in Manchester I wasn't a fan, I was a bit down on my home city. But as I've got older I love living here. It's easy to get around the country to gigs, and it's a calming, friendly city.
I quite like the idea that I'm a situation.
I love painting. I love writing. I love creating and being around people who are creating.
I can't have a KitKat without panicking.
I don't have too much of a grand plan.
Will & Grace' was my favourite show growing up and retains a special place in my heart, not least because it was such a refreshing and witty insight into gay life. The older me loves 'Curb Your Enthusiasm.'
I'm so British and polite that creating a scene or being confrontational is so not my vibe.
I was quite a fat lad.
I'm a qualified swimming instructor.
There's a beautifully simple sketch in the first episode of 'Smack the Pony:' two women approach each other walking their dogs and as they pass the women bark at each other, the dogs remaining perfectly calm. It kills me every time.
I think it's important some people do publicly go 'Hey, I'm not straight and I'm not gay. I'm somewhere in the middle and that's ok.'
I've attempted tech-free days when I turn off the phone and stare at the iPad instead.
I did a tweet about LGBTQ+ and someone was saying 'what's the + and what's the Q?' and some people would be like 'you should educate yourself it's disgusting, google it.' If I asked the question, they would answer it to me, so just try and treat people in the way I expect to be treated myself. So I do think that's been a problem in our community.
I've developed a fun text when a friend has just had a baby. I ask a classic question: 'Are you sleeping?' The reply is inevitably that they aren't, they're getting a few hours here and there, they're exhausted. It's then when I swoop in: 'It'll all be worth it when they're softly stroking your hair as you slip into oblivion.'
My parents have always been very supportive and it hasn't been an issue. Mum worried I might get more problems in life because of my bisexuality but I think people are more liberal now.
The thing about Birmingham is, no one spends their evening looking over your shoulder thinking: 'Is that Nick Grimshaw?' and wondering if there's a better night they could be on. Because there isn't.
I am the promise guardian to a wonderful girl called Grace, a role akin to a godfather but without the Christian responsibilities, as I am a devout Jedi.
When I started stand-up, it was really just to have a go at alpha males essentially, there was no plan and there never has been really.
I beam at the idea of me at the wheel of a luxury yacht, surrounded by models and moguls, sipping cool Gavi di Gavi as we meander down the French Riviera.
Companies ignoring their customers. I think it's unforgivable. And I count using a chatbot on your website as ignoring your customers. Stop doing it.
Even though I now eat meat, I have halloumi every day - even at breakfast.
It's a bit embarrassing for a company to be exposed for wrongdoing, but it's really embarrassing if it's done by making them the butt of a joke.
World domination was never the plan.
I think it's something to do with the nurturing side of the psyche; tying up a sunflower or whatever and helping it grow, it is just some kind of core human experience.
In truth, I have absolutely no idea how to value my work.
If anything kept me awake at night it would be worrying that there wouldn't be enough time to have a nap the next day.
I am a rare millennial who managed to buy property thanks to a mix of highly lucrative TV panel show work and employing Gary Barlow as a financial adviser.
I always loved 'The Weakest Link' and how brutal Anne Robinson was on it.
I nearly got hit by a car while I was trying to write a stupid joke but a female sheep stood in the way. I can't thank ewe enough.
I love 'Pointless.'
Turns out it's bloody hard to make a sculpture that looks like a human head, so I've not bothered. Realism is for squares.
I keep getting mobbed in M&S and Debenhams. I feel like Barry Manilow.
There are many terms that have been used to describe me: man, comedian, disappointment, hammock enthusiast.
The Time It Takes' is one of the most brilliantly daft shows I've ever been involved in - and that's saying something.
People say I'm charming, but I'm uneasy with that word. Quentin Crisp said: 'Charisma is the ability to influence without logic,' which is terrifying.
Life is hard. There's parking fines, PPI, the Kardashians - it's a marvel any of us manage to get out of bed.
I get frustrated with companies that present themselves as your mates. They use emojis in the messages they send you, and they're very casual with their back-and-forth. That doesn't work if they've rinsed you of all your money.
I originally came out as gay when I was a teenager, then backtracked when I thought I had closed off the market a bit!
Normally during the week between Christmas and New Year I'm slumped in a chair in Birmingham, eating, farting and spouting total nonsense.
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