Top 111 Quotes & Sayings by John Bishop

Everything else outside the world - Brexit, the global economy, global warming, everything - nothing matters as much as what's in your house.

I can be a little bit of a control freak.

It's the people and their stories that make Australia great. The scenery isn't bad either.

When I was young, I only ever wanted a job where, when I went home, I didn't have to get a wash.

As a comedian, you have to say something that people relate to, or nobody laughs.

Brexit - I was sick of it when it was all happening. It's off the news now, but when Covid settles down it will just come back again.

If Jimmy McGovern knocks and you are offered a part, you don't say, 'can I ease myself into it?'

It's nice to have the family around, as I have been on tour for a while.

It's very gratifying sometimes to make yourself the butt of the joke because it bursts your bubble.

In my comedy when there's a victim, it's me.

When I go out with my mates I'm never the centre of attention. Most of them, and they're probably right, keep telling me they're funnier than I am and I'm nicking their life.

'Panto!' is basically my life. It's not a comedy drama; it's a documentary. I was going to write an autobiography, but I thought I'd write this instead.

I was at a pharmaceutical conference in Dallas and bored out of my head. I'd split up from my missus and went downtown and had my kids' initials done, JLD, for Joseph, Luke and Daniel. Then I got back with my wife so I had her initials added during the Edinburgh Fringe Festival - after I'd waited a few years to see if the marriage would work!

When I started doing arenas, because of the screens, I was back to getting the reaction of a very small room. If I say something and raise my eyebrow, everyone sees it. So people were laughing at the subtleties that they weren't getting in the theatres. It was really strange.

When I took my kids to see the house that we're buying I took them in the car to the estate I grew up on. I got the kids out of the car and explained that this is where they're from.

I don't think interviewing people is any different than normal communication.

To me comedy is like being a magician, once they know the rabbit is coming out of the hat they won't care.

I still feel I'm living someone else's life.

We live on a two week cycle in our house so if I go away for two weeks, it's too long. And if I'm home for two weeks, it's too long.

In fact, most married couples who live together would be quite happy to only see their partner twice a year, and to just worry about the color of their seats!

Sometimes you just have to throw yourself into it and hope for the best.

When have you ever sat down with your mates and said, 'Look, tell me about your dad?'

Often you'd find yourself exhausted backstage during a matinee with glitter on your face, asking a colleague, 'Who's your gas supplier?' At the time, I thought, 'This would make a brilliant TV comedy drama.'

Comedy is counseling.

In 2006, I left my job in sales and marketing to go full-time as a comedian, and I started off doing panto at the Lowry in Manchester.

My loyalty starts and ends at my front door.

'Skins' was a fun role and I enjoyed it.

As a child I qualified for free school meals, so I know I would have been in one of the families that needed help to gain access to a laptop.

I feel like a bit of a jinx.

Being on stage, telling jokes and telling stories is where I feel the most at home.

When people have a public profile, for whatever reason, nine times out of 10, it's an interesting journey that they've been on to get there.

I am in my late 40s now, so I wake up fatter than when I went to bed.

You have to spend four hours filming a 30-minute program. That seems mental to me.

There was a deficit between what I was earning and what my family needed to live off. I was resigned to the fact that, while I may do the odd night, I was going to have to get a proper job.

I was looking for someone to represent me and an agent sat me down and said, 'I don't think there's anything to work with here.'

The idea of being on a show and having a chat, that's one thing but I wanted to do something where you'd have one person and talk.

I've learned more about having more time as I've got older.

I don't regard myself as big time.

Some people are brilliant at being comedy actors and if you're a comedian I think there's a perception that, if you're acting at something that's meant to be funny, it will be funny all the way though and you'll be dropping in gags.

I was going through a divorce so I wasn't having the best time, but I wasn't going to the doctor for Prozac.

The biggest thing that's ever happened in anyone's life is your family, isn't it? They're the most important thing in your life.

I 100 percent do not see myself as the new Piers Morgan!

Everybody has layers.

I would never claim to be an actor as I have never had any training and apart from being in a panto, before 'Skins' I had not acted.

You know what I mean, I'm not Tom Cruise. I can act as long as the character happens to look and sound a lot like me.

I'm not from the generation that took chances.

I have the same mates I always had, I go to the same pub. I've got the same wife and kids and the same house. Nothing's changed.

I won't do routines at gigs that I've done on television.

I want to do straight, dramatic acting so I do a hit show when you get chased by aliens!

I'm very much looking forward to getting back on the road - there really is nothing like performing stand-up in front of a live audience.

An accent like mine defines you regionally, but it also gives you a class identity.

I think there's more to be happy about than sad about on a daily basis.

I think there's a thin line between pathos and comedy, and I'm not afraid of putting my heart on my sleeve.

When I was 10 I had a bone disease called osteomyelitis; they said if they didn't operate, I had 24 hours to live.

As soon as I speak, I think people go, 'Well, he obviously must have grown up on a council estate, gone to a comprehensive school and be working class - so I can relate to him.'

I've never had a piercing before. I thought I'd be cool.

Everyone at Liverpool is committed to the club and working as hard as possible.

I love pure joke-tellers, but if I go to see a comedian for a full show, I want to feel I know them more than when I came through the door.

As an actor, you have to perform the character in the way that people relate to.

I didn't want to do comedic acting because I don't think I am very good at it.