Top 29 Quotes & Sayings by John Fugelsang

I've come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out.

Gay Marriage isn't Special Rights, it's Equal Rights. 'Special Rights' are for political churches that don't pay taxes.

If you were a freak as a kid, you're an interesting adult.

I enjoy growth; I enjoy having a lot of different experiences. And I don't think I am the kind of guy who'd like to do the same thing every day for 40 years.

Impeach President Reagan retroactively for agreeing with Obama on the assault weapons ban.

My mother was an ex-nun, and my father was a Franciscan brother, so I grew up believing in Jesus the way anyone would believe in Mom's first husband.

Loving the Second Amendment while opposing the NRA is every bit as natural as loving Jesus while opposing Westboro Baptist Church.

Obama is not a brown-skinned anti-war socialist who gives away free healthcare. You're thinking of Jesus.

The problem is that people love music and they love television, but people don't love music on TV.

The greatest threat to America is not foreign terrorists, its domestic morons.

Being gay is natural. Hating gay is a lifestyle choice.

America doesn't have an abortion problem - it has an unwanted pregnancy problem, and an abortion symptom.

I will kill the BackStreet Boys by beating them with the members of N-Sync.

I wasn't any good at sports, but I could name all the presidents by the time I was six. I've always been very interested in politics and in religion.

Jesus never called the poor 'lazy,' fought for tax cuts for the wealthiest Nazarenes or asked a leper for a copay.

Blaming Obama for Iraq violence is like blaming Daniel Craig because Octopussy sucked.

Only in America can you be Pro-Death Penalty, Pro-War, Pro-Unmanned Drone Bombs, Pro-Nuclear Weapons, Pro-Guns, Pro-Torture, Pro-Land Mines, AND still call yourself 'Pro-Life.'

You complain and demand zero compromise - so the GOP obstructs Obama so the economy doesn't improve - then you complain and demand even more zero compromise. Then you get to blame Obama for the slow recovery, which is sorta like John Wilkes Booth blaming Lincoln for missing the end of a play.

I was the biggest George Harrison fanatic in the world. He was raised Catholic; my parents are both ex-clergy, so I was raised Catholic, and I admired how he used his faith.

I think there is a spiritual hunger, and I think that people are really tired of getting kind of a two-dimensional take on religion in most of the media.

Nixon was a conservative who’s way more liberal than his party can admit, and Obama’s a liberal who’s way more conservative than his party can admit.

Stand-up led to me doing solo shows, which led to me being offered my first broadcasting job, being a VJ.

But Al Jazeera America represents something more than news that isn’t profit or ratings driven — they represent foreign investment in a country where the two-party system outsourced your jobs. They represent facts over opinion and they represent our cultures coming together just a little more, whether you bigots like it or not.

Who wouldn't want to vote for a guy who was a peaceful, radical, non-violent revolutionary; who hung around with lepers, hookers, and crooks; who never spoke English; was not an American citizen; anti-capitalism; totally anti-death penalty; anti-public prayer (Matthew 6:5); but never once anti-gay; didn't mention abortion; and was a long-haired, brown-skinned, homeless, middle-eastern, Jew?

Can we please rename The Sandy Relief Bill to the Supplemental Iraq War Funding Bill so the GOP Congress can vote for it?

If you don't want your tax dollars to help the poor, then stop saying that you want a country based on Christian values. Because you don't!

People get God and religion confused. I think God is a bit too hip to join any of his unauthorized fan clubs.

Anti-Tax fetishist Grover Norquist owns a bust of Ronald Reagan, who raised taxes 11 times.

We live in a country where voting rights get gutted but Sharknado gets a sequel.