Top 88 Quotes & Sayings by John Pinette

Explore popular quotes and sayings by John Pinette.

Last updated on September 18, 2024.

John Paul Pinette was an American stand-up comedian, actor, and Broadway performer. He toured the comedy club circuit beginning in the 1980s and appeared in cinema and on television. Besides stand-up, Pinette did impressions of Michael Jackson, The Chipmunks, Elvis Presley, Gollum from The Lord of the Rings, Hervé Villechaize, an Ewok, actor Marlon Brando, as well as various ethnic accents. He occasionally sang in his stand-up routines; for example "Over the Rainbow" from The Wizard of Oz, "Will You Be There" from Free Willy, and "Don't Cry for Me Argentina".

Source: Wikipedia

Singing on Broadway terrified me more than anything I've done.

John Pinette

I never dreamed that I would be part of a Broadway show.

John Pinette

Larger people do not get a lot to play in the theater.

John Pinette

Gravity is a law. I respect the law.

John Pinette

I have issues with food and weight and I can make that funny. The audience loves it. I have fun with it.

John Pinette

I was an accountant for six months, and for the last three, I didn't do much work.

John Pinette

I grew up in Malden. Genetically, I was born to be as close to Kelly's Roast Beef as possible.

John Pinette

Let's face it, it's a skinny world out there.

John Pinette

When I really want to get healthy people don't believe me.

John Pinette

Ron White is pretty great at what he does.

John Pinette

The guy who made the shoes for 'Hairspray' said putting shoes on me was like putting a pump on a ham. I found out that if I ever was to dress like a woman, I would not be buying off the rack.

John Pinette

I started swimming. I frolic like Free Willy.

John Pinette

People have told me, 'It's part of your act, you're big, it's part of your persona.' Well, as I've lost weight, my act has grown.

John Pinette

I do a lot of dialects in my act, including Irish, because I grew up in a neighbourhood that was predominantly Irish and Italian.

John Pinette

It doesn't seem like I write the material it seems like the material comes to me and I write it down.

John Pinette

There's a lot of life out there.

John Pinette

Any kind of change in your life creates more material for me, because I say in my act 'It ain't comedy, it's my life.'

John Pinette

I liked Jonathan Winters for his character development.

John Pinette

My routine isn't so much dreaming up the comedy as just seeing what happens to me. I seem to be leading a very funny life.

John Pinette

I could go out and talk about President Clinton... or some issue, but people will be on either side. But everyone eats. It's the international language, like Esperanto.

John Pinette

Vegans go to the store and they buy 50,000-pound bags of almonds. And they make it into stuff they wish they could eat.

John Pinette

I really don't do fat jokes. I talk about the trials and tribulations of being a large mammal in America.

John Pinette

I was raised to believe you eat hamburgers, mashed potatoes and gravy, and cheesecake for dessert. In California they eat tofu burgers, fat-free applesauce and cake with no sugar. Hopefully, in between, there's a happy medium for me.

John Pinette

My philosophy in life is just to laugh as much as possible through the good and the bad - to laugh at the tragedies as well as the triumphs.

John Pinette

I'm one of the larger mammals. Everyone in my family was large, mom and dad, my two older sisters. If you meet a skinny person in my family, you say, 'And you are married to who?'

John Pinette

You know, working with puppets - there is just something about it. Because the puppet takes on its own personality.

John Pinette

I don't really sing.

John Pinette

I want to talk about being a big guy... it's not a fat joke. It's a joke about living the way you live.

John Pinette

All I'm really doing is talking about going on diets and... just about being a big guy. Why should that be any different from a comic that says, 'I was an alcoholic,' or, 'I was in a bad relationship?'

John Pinette

Salad isn't a meal. Salad's the stuff that comes with a meal.

John Pinette

I knew if I wanted to live past mid-life I would have to lose some weight.

John Pinette

When I moved from Boston to L.A., I floundered. I definitely did time at the Improv and the Comedy Store, making 20 bucks a night. I learned how to be a starving comic. I was an in-debt comic: I ate well on loan.

John Pinette

If I was 120 pounds, I still ain't going white-water rafting.

John Pinette

You see, I've always had this thing in that I love to make people laugh, I want to entertain people.

John Pinette

At home, I have a healthy regular diet... But on the road, you find yourself at 11 o'clock at night, after a great show at a performing-arts center, and there's nothing open but a pizza place.

John Pinette

Just coming to L.A. to be a comic and an actor, it's not the kindest world to come to. There's a lot of rejection, which I'm not used to. I hate rejection, but it's about 90 percent of the business.

John Pinette

It's a cliche, but my comedy is all about life.

John Pinette

I guest-starred on 'Alf.' I played a stand-up comic Howie Anderson.

John Pinette

Call it fate, call it God, I call it God, but I think that I found what I was comfortable in this world with doing.

John Pinette

I have had some success. And it's all been wonderful, and a growing process for me. But it's nothing to my family compared to being in a musical.

John Pinette

I denied my comic thing there for awhile. I always made people laugh, but my family said that's not the real world, I had to put on a suit and tie and be serious.

John Pinette

I really am part whale. I want to do a movie like 'The Incredible Mr. Limpet' and join a family of whales.

John Pinette

I did a lot of dues-paying in L.A. that I didn't pay in Boston because I was kind of a success there. It was all worth it, I guess.

John Pinette

I'm a big guy, but I don't do 'I'm so fat that... ' jokes.

John Pinette

Being asked to be in the last episode of 'Seinfeld' is not something you pass on. It was a great honor.

John Pinette

I've been heavy my whole life. I've been up and down, and I can tell you that down is much better.

John Pinette

Hollywood has a lot of barriers set up for everyone. If you can live with it, and you can break through, then you're going to do OK.

John Pinette

The best way to become a better stand-up guy is to take a break from it and do other things.

John Pinette

I have no butt, none of the men in my family do.

John Pinette

Opening for Mr. Sinatra in 1991 enabled me to do Vegas more as an opening act. I did the Superdome with him, probably nine arenas over a year and a half, and his second-to-last appearance at the Desert Inn in Vegas.

John Pinette

I'd done the movie 'The Punisher,' and Travolta was in that, though we didn't have scenes together. We met at the premiere and he's a very nice man.

John Pinette

I talk about my life; it is the funniest thing I can think of.

John Pinette

I was a very bad accountant. I knew the book theory, but I didn't have the heart for it. I did it for six months, and my job was to distract the auditors with jokes.

John Pinette

In standup, you look for a common ground that people have.

John Pinette

In my case, I don't eat a lot before a show. I eat after. But I do two shows and it becomes part of my reward system. 'I made people laugh. I deserve a pizza.'

John Pinette

There's nothing like live performance.

John Pinette

I take some ungodly pantyhose size. You've heard of 2X or 3X. I'm something horrible, like a 47X.

John Pinette

I eat healthy. The only problem is late-night eating. It's the Sumo Diet, they eat and go to sleep and that's how they get them that big.

John Pinette

I have no problem joking about who I am.

John Pinette

I just feel like there are a lot of funny things that happen in this world and I guess that's for the good and the bad.

John Pinette