Top 346 Quotes & Sayings by Josh Billings
Explore popular quotes and sayings by an American comedian Josh Billings.
Last updated on December 23, 2024.
Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.
Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.
Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.
Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.
There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.
Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.
Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.
Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us.
A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.
As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.
It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash.
Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread.
Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
No one can disgrace us but ourselves.
Economy is a savings-bank, into which men drop pennies, and get dollars in return.
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.
Remember the poor, it costs nothing.
Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.
One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.
Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.
Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
You'd better not know so much, than to know so many things that ain't so.
The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.
The trouble with people is not that they don't know but that they know so much that ain't so.
Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves.
It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.
The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear.
If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time.
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.
Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.
Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.
A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.
It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.
Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight.
To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.
Man was created a little lower than the angels and has been getting a little lower ever since.
There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.
Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins.
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.
The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.
There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.
I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.
Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.
Woman's influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.
There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.
Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words.
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