Top 346 Quotes & Sayings by Josh Billings - Page 3
Explore popular quotes and sayings by an American comedian Josh Billings.
Last updated on April 15, 2025.
Method is the arithmetic of success.
It is the little bits of things that fret and worry us; we can dodge a elephant, but we can't dodge a fly.
Self-made men are most always apt to be a little too proud of the job.
There is no passion of the human heart that promises so much and pays so little as revenge.
Common sense is an instinct given to man and enough of it is genius. Smartness is measured by the level of common sense one has, not by how much educated or knowledgeable he is.
The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.
Satire that is seasonable and just is often more effectual than law or gospel.
The lion and the lamb may, possibly, sumtime lay down in this world together for a fu minnits, but when the lion kums tew git up, the lamb will be missing.
What the world wants iz [sic] good examples, not so mutch advice; advice may be wrong, but examples prove themselves.
I hold that a man has as much right to spell a word as it is pronounced as he has to pronounce it the way it ain't spelled.
The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide.
Pyrotechnically considered, [laughing] is the fire-works of the soul.
Don't have any more secrets than you can keep yourself.
The unfortunate do not pity the unfortunate.
Don't put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.
It's a wise man who profits by his own experience, but it's a good deal wiser one who lets the rattlesnake bite the other fellow.
Occasions are rare; and those, who know how to seize upon them, are rarer.
The happiest time in any man's life is when he is in red-hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.
Man is my brother, and I am nearer related to him through his vices than I am through his virtue.
Experience makes more timid men than it does wise ones.
Advice is like castor oil — easy enough to give but dreadful hard to take.
A good reliable set of bowels is worth more to a man than any quantity of brains.
Better make a weak man your enemy than your friend.
The fools in this world make about as much trouble as the wicked do.
Take the selfishness out of this world and there would be more happiness than we should know what to do with.
Knowledge is like money, the more a man gits the more he hankers for.
A witty writer is like a porcupine; his quill makes no distinction between friend and foe.
Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
Perseverance is king.
It is not much trouble to doctor sick folks, but to doctor healthy ones is troublesome.
When I see a man of shallow understanding extravagantly clothed, I feel sorry - for the clothes.
Rumor is like bees; the more you fight them the more you don't get rid of them.
There is only one good substitute for the endearments of a sister, and that is the endearments of some other fellow's sister.
It's not ignorance does so much damage; it's knowin' so derned much that ain't so.
Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.
Biography is the best form of history.
A WISE MAN never enjoys himself so much, or a FOOL so little, as when he is alone.
You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.
Prejudice assumes the garb of reason, but the cheat is too thin.
I hate to be a kicker, I always long for peace, But the wheel that does the squeaking, is the one that gets the grease.
Successful writers learn at last what they should learn at first,--to be intelligently simple.
The soul has more diseases than the body.
I don't care how much a man talks, if he only says it in a few words.
Metaphysics is the science of proving what we don't understand.
People travel to learn; most of them before they start should learn to travel.
[Science is] the literature of truth.
Silence is one of the hardest kind of arguments to refute. There is no good substitute for wisdom; but silence is the best that has yet been discovered.
Building air castles is a harmless business as long as you don't attempt to live in them.
Debt is a trap which man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.
Where religion is a trade, morality is a merchandise.
As in a game ov cards, so in the game ov life, we must play what is dealt tew us, and the glory consists, not so mutch in winning, as in playing a poor hand well.
Lying is like trying to hide in a fog: If you move about you're in danger of bumping your head against the truth, and as soon as the fog blows off, you are gone anyhow.
The easiest thing for our friends to discover in us, and the hardest thing for us to discover in ourselves, is that we are growing old.
Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess.
Everybody in this world wants watching, but nobody more than ourselves.
Pity costs nothing, and it ain't worth nothing.
Ambition is like hunger; it obeys no law but its appetite
The very thing that men think they have got the most of, they have got the least of; and that is judgment.
It is a great deal easier for a man to find a pedigree to fit his virtues than virtues to fit his pedigree.
The trouble with most folks isn't their ignorance. It's knowin' so many things that ain't so.
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