Top 163 Quotes & Sayings by Judith Martin

When a society abandons its ideals just because most people can't live up to them, behavior gets very ugly indeed.

You do not have to do everything disagreeable that you have a right to do.

Over the last couple of decades, the personalization of the office changed dramatically... there's an informality people often take for the absence of rules - which it's not.

Honesty has come to mean the privilege of insulting you to your face without expecting redress.

Etiquette is all human social behavior. If you're a hermit on a mountain, you don't have to worry about etiquette; if somebody comes up the mountain, then you've got a problem. It matters because we want to live in reasonably harmonious communities.

Presents are symbolic. When you give them in your personal life, they should show that you are paying attention to the person to whom you're giving them.

We're now seeing email that people thought they had deleted showing up as evidence in court. You can't erase email. As that becomes more commonly realized, people will be a little wiser about what they type.

You glance at an e-mail. You give more attention to a real letter.

I try to behave myself, and I succeed.

Obviously I'm going to be polite, so nobody has anything to fear from me.

Hypocrisy is not generally a social sin, but a virtue.

People read informality as, 'Do whatever you feel like,' and whatever you feel like might be disastrous.

Etiquette does not render you defenseless. If it did, even I wouldn't subscribe to it. But rudeness in retaliation for rudeness just doubles the amount of rudeness in the world.

When people start hurling insults at you, you know their minds are closed and there's no point in debating. You disengage yourself as quickly as possible from the situation.

My children did not go through a stage of being rude to their parents. I'm sorry if that sounds incredible.

Learn graceful ways of saying no and of pointing out that this pressure to do something is not in line with most people's wishes.

Email is very informal, a memo. But I find that not signing off or not having a salutation bothers me.

Chaperons, even in their days of glory, were almost never able to enforce morality; what they did was to force immorality to be discreet. This is no small contribution.

Freedom without rules doesn't work. And communities do not work unless they are regulated by etiquette.

Many people mistakenly think a new technology cancels out an old one.

If written directions alone would suffice, libraries wouldn't need to have the rest of the universities attached.

The greater the controversy, the more you need manners.

We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society.

The language of clothing is high symbolism and we all, in moments where we need to know this, realize it.

First. I began my career as a copy girl. and the White House coverage, for example, was in the then-Women's section. So it was social coverage. It wasn't news, although we often got rather startling news out of it.

I make a distinction between manners and etiquette - manners as the principles, which are eternal and universal, etiquette as the particular rules which are arbitrary and different in different times, different situations, different cultures.

One of the big no-nos in cyberspace is that you do not go into a social activity, a chat group or something like that, and start advertising or selling things. This etiquette rule is an attempt to separate one's social life, which should be pure enjoyment and relaxation, from the pressures of work.

We already know that anonymous letters are despicable. In etiquette, as well as in law, hiring a hit man to do the job does not relieve you of responsibility.

Most people who work at home find they do not have the benefit of receptionists who serve as personal guards.

There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class.

Indeed, Miss Manners has come to believe that the basic political division in this country is not between liberals and conservatives but between those who believe that they should have a say in the love lives of strangers and those who do not.

Chaperons don't enforce morality; they force immorality to be discreet.

I am a traditionalist, and I'm an innovator. Most of what I do is to weigh change and legislate to the best of my ability on what should change and what should not. Do I have a respect for tradition? Of course I do. Do I have a blind belief in it? No.

Parents should conduct their arguments in quiet, respectful tones, but in a foreign language. You'd be surprised what an inducement that is to the education of children.

It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

'Honesty' in social life is often used as a cover for rudeness. But there is quite a difference between being candid in what you're talking about, and people voicing their insulting opinions under the name of honesty.

Being polite does not mean being mummified.

The mistake people keep making is that if they find a wonderful new tool, like email, they have to give up all others. They don't. You have simply added another very useful means to your communications repertoire.

For email, the old postcard rule applies. Nobody else is supposed to read your postcards, but you'd be a fool if you wrote anything private on one.

Ideological differences are no excuse for rudeness.

Etiquette enables you to resolve conflict without just trading insults. Without etiquette, the irritations in modern life are so abrasive that you see people turning to the law to regulate everyday behavior. This frightens me; it's a major inroad on our basic freedoms.

Adorable children are considered to be the general property of the human race. Rude children belong to their mothers.

The family dinner table is the cornerstone of civilization and those who 'graze' from refrigerators or in front of the television sets are doomed to remain in a state of savagery.

Society cannot exist without etiquette ... It never has, and until our own century, everybody knew that.

When virtues are pointed out first, flaws seem less insurmountable.

Generosity and gratitude are inseparably linked.

The pejorative term "political correctness" was adapted to express disapproval of the enlargement of etiquette to cover all people, in spite of this being a principle to which all Americans claim to subscribe.

Do you have a kinder, more adaptable friend in the food world than soup? Who soothes you when you are ill? Who refuses to leave you when you are impoverished and stretches its resources to give a hearty sustenance and cheer? Who warms you in the winter and cools you in the summer? Yet who also is capable of doing honor to your richest table and impressing your most demanding guests? Soup does its loyal best, no matter what undignified conditions are imposed upon it. You don't catch steak hanging around when you're poor and sick, do you?

There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.

If it's against state law, it's generally considered a breach of Etiquette.

We are born charming fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society.

Allowing an unimportant mistake to pass without a comment is a wonderful social grace ... Children who have the habit of constantly correcting should be stopped before they grow up to drive spouses and everyone else crazy by interrupting stories to say, 'No, dear -- it was Tuesday, not Wednesday.

Should you happen to notice that another person is extremely tall or overweight, eats too much or declines convivial drinks, has red hair or goes about in a wheelchair, ought to get married or ought not to be pregnant -- see if you can refrain from bringing these astonishing observations to that person's attention.

If you can't be kind, at least be vague.

The way one was brought up isn't an excuse for rude behavior.

Perhaps the greatest rudenesses of our time come not from the callousness of strangers, but from the solicitousness of intimates who believe that their frank criticisms are always welcome, and who feel free to "be themselves" with those they love, which turns out to mean being their worst selves, while saving their best behavior for strangers.

Dishonesty is not the only alternative to honesty. There is also the highly underrated virtue of shutting up.

The whole country wants civility. Why don't we have it? It doesn't cost anything. No federal funding, no legislation is involved. One answer is the unwillingness to restrain oneself. Everybody wants other people to be polite to them, but they want the freedom of not having to be polite to others.

It is wrong to wear diamonds before luncheon, except on one’s marriage rings. Before, after, and during breakfast, luncheon and dinner, it is vulgar to wear a mixture of colored precious stones. It is always a comfort to know that so many things one can’t afford to do anyway are vulgar.

Part of the skill of saying no is to shut up afterward and not babble on, offering material for an argument.