Top 89 Quotes & Sayings by Kathy Griffin

My act has always reflected what's going on in my life.

A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them.

I do road gigs occasionally but I don't want to go out on the road for months at a time.

Food is my thing, I do not smoke or drink, so food is my vice.

Well, Jon Hamm isn't a real celebrity.

I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming.

Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn't care less if it's true.

I grew up in Chicago and was a huge fan of 'The Second City', so when I moved to L.A., I was looking for anything that resembled that... then I started 'The Groundlings', so I went to a show and it was very much like 'Second City'. I was so impressed that that same night I went backstage and I went up to the funniest person there.

I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly.

My act is based on my life.

I also don't have a desire to be on the A-list. I feel more people can relate to the D-list than the A-list.

I don't like doing movies, period. Movies are hard. I like TV.

I'm always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging.

I'm not somebody who no matter where I go there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party.

The thing that cracks me up is how these reality characters start out thrilled and excited just to be on television, and how they move to thinking they are as big as the Friends.

That's life when you're on the D-list.

I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.

I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.

I think a Celebrity Survivor would be great.

I prefer being known for my stand-up because I write it. I love being an actor, and saying other people's words is great. But then, when I do stand-up, I love getting my own point of view out there.

Oh, I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly. But that's just part of the deal. I'm not really sure what's going to come out of my mouth.

Pretty much everywhere I go, I'm pretty much thinking I'm going to be bounced. I am still the outsider who snuck into the party. I identify with the regular person, because that is who I am.

It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month.

My friend Anderson Cooper is the scion of one of America's great shipping and railroad families, the Vanderbilts.

I'll be honest, there's a part of me that does think I'm held to a different standard than my contemporaries and peers, and it's a little frustrating.

If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night.

I'm on every worst-dressed list imaginable.

The beauty about the D-list is that people who are on it probably don't know they are.

I am in love with Larry David.

I love to work. I love doing standup.

That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it.

So yes, I say things I regret constantly, and I just can't help it.

A lot of stars don't have a sense of humor.

When I'm going to see a comedian, I don't want to see them hold back, and when I'm reading a book, I don't want to hear an abridged version.

Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand.

I'm basically always on tour.

But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.

I actually have to pick and chose stuff that I know I'm going to bomb at.

I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.

Well, the coffeehouse audiences never know what they're going to get, and all the comics are different, as opposed to when you go to a club, and they're pretty much all telling jokes with set-ups and punchlines. Coffeehouse audiences are the most forgiving: They really listen, which is the best part.

The thing that bums me out about 'The Real World' is I don't want to believe that teenagers are that stupid.

I have a no-apology policy.

I feel more people can relate to the D-list than the A-list.

The great thing about celebrity culture is that they can't seem to stop themselves from displaying their ridiculous behaviour. I feel it's my job as a serious investigative journalist to witness all kinds of behaviour and then report back to the audience through the prism of my own anger and bitterness.

I love Mariah Carey. Remember the breakdown? I loved the breakdown.

I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone... it's a joke!

I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.

Have I gone too far?

No, I love Montreal... I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.

I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R.

Well, I think that when I perform on the road I always thank the audience for buying a ticket because it's a big deal to buy a ticket for a live entertainment, get a baby-sitter and pay for the meal, the parking, whatever.

So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits.

I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone... it's a joke!

Remember, folks, I am a comedian, not a journalist.

I'm not always in that good with middle-aged heterosexual men.

I have no limits, no filter, no class, no poise. No decorum. Just fun.

I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style.

It is a challenge, with the global fame, to try to act like I put my pants on one leg at a time, when in fact I have Pippa Middleton help me put my pants on every morning. She's my lady-in-waiting as well.

I have what I call A-list moments, but believe me, I'm still on the D-list.

I have to tell you, though, the sexism in late night talk is so profound.