Top 94 Quotes & Sayings by Lee Mack - Page 2

I like Cornwall and particularly the Isle of Mull on the west coast of Scotland where I got married. It's absolutely beautiful.

Neck-down comedy was no longer valid after the 1980s alternative comedy revolution. Everything became about the cerebral. And with that came positive things - it helped get rid of some of the sexism and homophobia - but it also meant a lot of physical comedy was lost.

I could have done a night at the O2 in London, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm not being big-headed, but for my act I can't be talking to an audience of 12,000 people. There's no intimacy.

I don't understand why you would want to watch someone giving birth.

But it's true, I was a sports organiser at Pontins - one of a series of terrible jobs I had before I started doing comedy full time.

The problem isn't that there's not enough women in panel games. The problem is there's not enough women in comedy in general.

I don't look at comedy as a sliding scale of offensiveness.

I can remember weird things from way back, but not what I had for breakfast.

I have to say I like Edinburgh, but I'm not a big fan of the Festival - I like it but I'm not a massive fan.

It's always been my favourite show and I am on a mission to get on 'Doctor Who.'

I would make it illegal to walk into a comedy club with a tie on.

I never have fixed subjects that I discuss on stage. I never go on with any particular subjects in mind.

I used to tell people I was a comic and they'd be fascinated. Now all you get is: 'Oh yeah, my cousin Steve's a comic.'

I've never been able to keep my finger on the pulse of fashion.

Going on stage is a performance, it's an act; you're playing a version of yourself. I don't give it a lot of thought. I clock on, I tell jokes, I clock off again.

I think very simplistically.

Comics were always the lowest rung on the ladder, front of cloth at the Royal Variety Performance. What that means is you're only there so Take That can set up behind the curtains.

Everyone talks about the gags, but the most difficult thing is coming up with the stories. You have to learn to do that for sitcoms.

I know comedians who go on weird day trips in order to have random experiences they can talk about. They'll go on their own to Thorpe Park waiting for something hilarious to happen. That's really sad.

When men sit around and talk, they are very competitive. One person will tell an anecdote and the next person will try to top that. When you get six women together, they share a lot more. They will be far more interested in what the other person has to say. The conservation is more interactive and less about individually showing off.

Not Going Out' is what I'm most proud of.

When people say, 'I don't like laughter on a TV show', I think, 'How do you cope when you're watching a stand-up gig live?' - it's the same thing!

When I tell a joke, I don't think about who's listening to it. I tell the jokes I think are funny.

I really don't like reality television and the nonsense that comes with it.

We're all basically decent human beings so if 3,000 people are laughing at a joke then it's worth telling.

I bought myself a juke box with my first bit of TV money and since then I don't think I've ever really gone mental.

The default position now is that comedians do Twitter but I don't know why. Every bad story you see about a comedian has a connection to Twitter.

I would say about 90 per cent of drunken idiots in comedy clubs wear ties, particularly in London where I work most of the time.

I don't know how I've managed to reach the age of 45 as a professional comedian and not watched more 'Simpsons,' considering everyone says it's one of the best shows ever.

I talk a lot when I'm nervous.

There's nothing more damning in life than a child calmly and coldly saying, 'Are you aware that you're teaching me bad habits?'

Genuinely my big thing and the reason I'm in 'The Miser' is because I always ask myself one simple question when I'm offered anything: Will it get me nearer to being 'Doctor Who' or further away?

The best comedy you can ever have is when you're in the pub with your mates. You can never beat that. That's what I try to recreate in stand-up.

Drinking and driving is safer than either drinking or driving - and no one has ever died drinking, driving and juggling.