Top 2442 Quotes & Sayings by Mark Twain - Page 4

As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

The Public is merely a multiplied 'me.'

The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.

Better a broken promise than none at all.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled.

It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before.

Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.

Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.

George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.

When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.

It put our energies to sleep and made visionaries of us - dreamers and indolent... It is good to begin life poor; it is good to begin life rich - these are wholesome; but to begin it prospectively rich! The man who has not experienced it cannot imagine the curse of it.

He is now rising from affluence to poverty.

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.

The trouble with the world is not that people know too little; it's that they know so many things that just aren't so.

Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.

Every civilization carries the seeds of its own destruction, and the same cycle shows in them all. The Republic is born, flourishes, decays into plutocracy, and is captured by the shoemaker whom the mercenaries and millionaires make into a king. The people invent their oppressors, and the oppressors serve the function for which they are invented.

Never miss an opportunity to shut up.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.

How easy it is to make people believe a lie, and [how] hard it is to undo that work again!

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.

If you want to change the future, you must change what you're doing in the present.

Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it.

It's better to be an optimist who is sometimes wrong than a pessimist who is always right

Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.

Success is a journey, not a destination. It requires constant effort, vigilance and reevaluation.

You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can't forget. Those are your 'friends

Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.

Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.

I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.

When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.

Some people bring joy wherever they go, and some people bring joy whenever they go.

Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.

If we were meant to talk more than listen, we would have two mouths and one ear.

Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider.

No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

To be great, truly great, you have to be the kind of person who makes the others around you great.