Top 201 Quotes & Sayings by Matt Groening - Page 3

I pledge impertinence to the flag waving, of the unindicted co-conspirators of America, and to the republicans for which I can't stand, one abomination, underhanded fraud, indefensible, with Liberty and Justice.. Forget it.

Are we alone in an uncaring universe, or is God some kind of wiseguy?

When will people learn? Democracy doesn't work!" (Homer Simpson)

I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.

I would prefer to listen to a French classical composer like Olivier Messiaen than to the pop hits of the day.

The French are funny, sex is funny, and comedies are funny, yet no French sex comedies are funny.

The world ends when I die. And as far as I'm concerned, the rest of the universe might as well call it a day too.

NEVER! Never, Marge! I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called 'City Fathers' who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?!

I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!

I don't mind sharing the blame if she'll just admit she started it.

Back in high school, I wrote a novel about a character named Bart Simpson. I thought it was a very unusual name for a kid at the time. I had this idea of an angry father yelling "Bart," and Bart sounds kind of like bark - like a barking dog.

I'm a level 5 vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

I always thought that television was the way to go in my goal to invade pop culture because it got to towns in which there were no bookstores. That's how I used to think of it: How do I reach kids who not only don't read but probably have no access to much in the way of books?

With animation because you can draw anything and do anything and have the characters do whatever you want the tendency is to be very loose with the boundaries and the rules.

You know, I've been thinking. Everyone makes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches but usually the jelly drips out all over the side and the guy's hands get all sticky. But your jelly stays right in the middle where it's supposed to. I don't know how you do it? You just got a gift, I guess. I've always thought so. I've just never mentioned it. But it's time you knew how I feel. I don't believe in keeping feelings bottled up. Goodbye, my wife.

I've been deadline-driven for my whole grown-up life, and that hasn't gone away. It is nice to be able to reflect about the big picture, about what kind of stories you want to tell, and how to take advantage of success.

Homer no function beer well without.

You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done.

Warning signs that lover is bored: 1. Passionless kisses 2. Frequent sighing 3. Moved, left no forwarding address.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

If people only knew how much I secretly hated them, they'd love me for holding it in.

A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, soccer games, romances, best friends, location of friend's houses, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Humor does depend on surprise, and the things that people remember as the funniest things in the world, you look at later and you go, "What? What was that all about?"

I think people who work in comedy and humor are hesitant to analyze it too much, because you feel like if you take it apart, you'll break it and not be able to put it back together again.

Fans think they want to see more than the 10 to 20 seconds of Itchy and Scratchy that we put on the show, but my feeling is less is more. Once you've skinned and flayed a cat, ripped his head off, made him drink acid and tied his tongue to the moon, there really isn't that much to say.

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces...I just know they're about to jab me with something.

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

I'm a fan of animation and so, the more stuff that doesn't look like the other stuff that's out there, I'm in favor.

This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!" Homer Simpson

The next time you are contemplating a decision in which you are debating whether or not to go for the gusto, ask yourself this important question: "How long am I going to be dead?" With that perspective, you can now make a free, fearless choice to do just about any goddamned sneaky thing your devious little mind can think up. Go ahead. Have your fun. You're welcome. Go on. See you in hell.

Actually, I've been working on a plan. During the exam, I'll hide under some coats, and hope that somehow everything will work out.

I didn't lie, I was writing fiction with my mouth.

Masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of. It's nothing to be particularly proud of, either.

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!

I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.

How can I be expected to love someone who tries such crude manipulations as bringing me breakfast in bed?

Did you hear something?" "No." "Did I hear something?" "...I don't know.

Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons." --Mr. Burns

Public transportation is for jerks and lesbians.

With "Futurama," I wanted to do unrequited love, and David Cohen agreed, and although our original plan was never to have Fry and Leela get together, we finally just said, "You can only string the fans along so far."

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Welcome to Suckersville, man.

But we all had an agreement to let each other get away with everything! That's Capitalism!

I'm presently incarcerated. Convicted of a crime I didn't even commit. Hah! "Attempted murder"? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. Homer Simpson

Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?

The thing about a cartoon is, you can do whatever you want. The tightrope that we are walking on 'The Simpsons' and 'Futurama' is "How do you continue to surprise the audience, but make them good surprises?" Not every surprise is good, but you want to continue jolting people.

But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.

I'm not going to stop torturing myself till I figure out the cause of my pain.

My life changed when I was able to not only get seated in nice restaurants, I was given free appetizers. That was like, "Oh, my God, I've arrived".

When you're as important as I am, getting your feelings hurt by me is almost an honor.

Ned, have you considered any of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same.

Your cable television is experiencing difficulties. Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless.

Think beer; drink beer.

If something is too hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV.

You toyed with my heart, like it was a toy heart. (Lisa Simpson)

The really great thing about having two TV shows going on at the same time is that I can go to one and say that I have to go and visit the other and then I can just go home and they don't know.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.' Homer Simpson

Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon." Lisa Simpson