Top 73 Quotes & Sayings by Michael Che

If I'm doing a show on Sunday at 7 P.M., that wouldn't be the same show that I'd do at 11 P.M. on a Saturday - it's a different room at a different time of day with different sensibilities. That doesn't mean you have to compromise your art, but it is communication: you have to know how to talk to people.

When you grow up in the city, New York is so big that you can kind of stay in your own little corner of the city and think that that's it because you don't need anything. You don't have to venture out; you don't have to touch the boroughs. You can kind of stay in your neighborhood, and there's everything there.

I can tell how honest a joke is or how true a joke is by how fast the laughs come.

I kind of write in my own little world.

Live comedy is fantastic. It's when live comedy is transcribed and reported and critiqued outside of the venue without context that things become complicated.

Watching someone getting really angry can be very funny - if it doesn't affect you, you can laugh at it, and the sillier the thing he's angry about, the funnier it is.

It's a unique fraternity to be a standup. I think everybody understands, you know, opportunity, and everybody - especially at the top - are genuinely rooting for you.

In comedy, you work with people so often that they just become familiar faces - it's like a fraternity.

If I could work with Eddie Murphy on 'SNL,' I think I could quit comedy forever. For me and my generation, he's God.

Nothing is funnier than a true story told by a bitter old black man.

Comedy is subjective.

Yes, I believe in equality. But I don't like the word 'feminist,' because it's such a rational belief to think that women are equal to men, and I'm a rational person. You shouldn't be labeled for being reasonable.

I'm a huge Steven Martin fan.

I feel like comedy is only respected on the highest level, and on every other level, it's like a joke, like, 'Ugh - comedian,' you know?

It's true - my mother kicked me out the house at 14. I had to go live with my sister. I had some problems. I was very rebellious as a kid. I don't even know why or where it came from, but I had a lot of anger. Me and my mom clashed a lot because she didn't tolerate that, as she shouldn't from a 14-year-old.

I would love to do more TV and do movies for the experience, but my ultimate focus is stand-up. It's the number one thing that I love most because there is nothing like being with a live audience.

When I was little, I used to suck the candy coating off of Advil and spit the white part back in the bottle.

I don't know how you can do comedy once every two weeks. Ever since I started, if I'm off for three days, I got to learn how to do comedy again.

I'm not saying I shouldn't have to pay any taxes, but I shouldn't have to pay as many as somebody that votes. I don't vote because I don't know anything about politics. And honestly, I can't believe they'd let me. Isn't that an important thing? They'll just let me pick the president! I don't gotta know anything!

I like comedy that's not political but social, dealing with issues of people talking to each other. No matter what your politics, we still have to live with each other. Politics is taking a side. I'm not running for office, you know?

I get to do what I love for money. It's weird to process that.

I think satire suffered under Obama, but not because of Obama. People are more sensitive now than ever, and strong satirical voices are stifled because of that. I don't think a Clinton presidency would change that.

If I think something's funny, I try to mold it into a joke as soon as possible. Once I have a joke, I say it a million different ways on stage until I find a rhythm and it feels like it's as good as it can be.

I feel like most standup comedians do it the way I did it, where you just go to open mics and cut your teeth. Sketch and improv - they take a lot of classes. It's not unusual, the way I did it. It's just that, with standup, no one knows how to start because there's no book for it; there's no place you can really go.

I'm a big Knicks fan, and I will tell a professional basketball player that they suck because they didn't do what I wanted them to do.

I follow a lot of news outlets on Twitter, so I'll just go skim through the headlines and see what's going on.

When you're doing comedy constantly, you're organized: you know where everything is, you know how to get out of it, you know how to stretch it. But, like, doing 'SNL,' I stopped doing spots, and then I would finally do some sets - it take me so long to, kind of, get in the rhythm of it.

I'm lucky enough to have two different platforms to perform on - I do stand-up comedy, and I have 'SNL.' That's where I make my most controversial statements because I can explain myself and I'm in control of the microphone, as opposed to Twitter, where it's in the hands of the reader.

When I was about nine, I went to school with a toothbrush in my mouth. I saw Method Man do it in a video.

I can't speak for every American comic, but for me, a great show is its own reward. Comedy is too subjective for awards.

Your number one job as a comedian is to be aware. You're supposed to understand the temperature in the room more than anyone on the planet - that's the whole craft of comedy.

I used to paint pictures - what happened was, I used to draw and paint pictures. And some of my friends would be, like, 'Yo, you should put that on a T-shirt,' because that's where their brain would go.

I'm from New York, and I started in New York, which I think is a huge advantage because I wasn't overwhelmed by the city. I understood the city. All of the distractions that could come with somebody that started comedy in New York didn't really happen for me.

I grew up in the projects with four older brothers.

I have six brothers and sisters. My mother has six kids from two different marriages. And we would just sit around making fun of each other's dad, and all our dads had real problems.

I always feel like you don't do comedy for the special - you do the specials so you can do comedy. That's like a commercial for people to come out and support the new shows.

Some things hit close to home with people, and it's going to be hard to tell someone who lost somebody on 9/11 that a 9/11 joke is funny.

To deliver something deadpan is very difficult; I don't think people know how hard those jokes are.

America's a gangbanger country. We got our gang, and everything else is irrelevant.

Black people have, like, this thing, and I have it, we all have it, we have this kind of embarrassment. Where we don't like white people to find out our little insecurities and out little quirks. We don't really like that that much. It's kind of, we're like, 'Don't let them know - that ours; that's for us.'

Improv classes were too expensive, so I just started going to open mics. And the day I did it, I did, like, three because I just loved it so much. It was so much fun. And it wasn't good, it was just fun to do. It felt like a release.

Comedy's my outlet for my ridiculous emotions.

If you're honest about things, people will trust you, even if you're a bad guy. That says something about where we are and who we are as people.

Cartoon violence is something very vivid and dark but made palatable for children in a fun way. That's the kind of comedy I do - I try to take subjects that might seem deep and make them as silly as possible.

My uncle is a martial artist, and in the early '80s, he made a kung fu flick with director Charlie Ahearn.

I remember liking the MTV awards when I was a kid.

If you really think everything in your life, everything that you benefit from comes from socially aware, like-minded, good-hearted people, then you're out of your mind. If you want only those people to have good jobs, we would have to learn how to adjust very quickly without those people. Maybe I'm cynical, but I truly believe that.

Donald Trump is making decisions that affect people's day-to-day life, and he's constantly, constantly making some crazy announcement. It's like, "Well, what are we supposed to talk about? The D train? Traffic?" Trump is the one guy that's like, "Yeah, I'll do 90 minutes of live comedy. Seems easy enough."

One of the hardest things in the world to say is "President Trump," and not out of disrespect - just because people have known him just as Donald Trump for so long. It would be like if people said, "He's a doctor now, call him Doctor Trump."

I would love to be able to play anywhere, but to me the sweet spot is clubs and theaters, just because I feel like you lean in to tell a joke. You don't back up. Comedy lives in that area. I've played amphitheaters, big clubs, and pool halls, and the most fun rooms hold anywhere from 500 to 2,000 people. That intimacy is where comedy really lives.

I guess Trump is joke-worthy more than ever because he's the president. I think Donald Trump being president is more about where the country is at as opposed to it actually being about Donald Trump. It feels like going to couples therapy and really finding out how your other half feels.

That's one of the things about comedy that annoys me the most from a comedian perspective. Comedy has gotten so segregated. Now it's like if you don't agree with somebody, you probably aren't going to like their jokes. I think comedians are starting to write for their audience and not towards the country.

That's my only goal: Stay off crack.

You can go anywhere in New York. There's always something to do in New York. There's always a place to eat no matter what time it is. There's always a place to work, a place to drink. It's conducive to my lifestyle. I don't know how to drive a car, so I like to be able to walk places.

It's weird doing a show on a Saturday, because we get the news after everybody had their way with it. We still have to find a way to get something fresh out of the story, but also keep the integrity of it. A lot of times the obvious take is so obvious it's already been on Twitter, so we gotta find a new thing.

It's a hard, lonely feeling, to be completely yourself in front of strangers.

Maybe I'm naive, but I still have a little bit of faith in the structure of the United States government and thinking that one man can't ruin everything. I don't know if it's just because I'm hopeful or cynical, but I just don't think one man can change everything. It's just like I didn't think Obama could save the country by himself. I don't think Trump can ruin the country all by himself. I don't know. I hope I'm right.

I grew up in the projects with four older brothers. And there were tough, macho gangsters, drug dealers, killers, and thugs all in my neighborhood. And they were afraid of my mother. So, yeah, I know some strong women.

There's tons of stuff where you're like, "God, I wish I could take that back."

I believe in equality. But I don't like the word feminist, because it's such a rational belief to think that women are equal to men, and I'm a rational person. You shouldn't be labeled for being reasonable. You should be labeled if you're f-cking crazy.