Top 132 Quotes & Sayings by Nick Kroll

I started doing improv in college, and I met Mike Birbiglia and John Mulaney and a bunch of other very funny, talented people who I'm still friends with and work with.

I came to New York and started doing stand-up and improv, and started auditioning for commercials and voiceovers and stuff. My first job was on a pilot of that prank show called 'Boiling Points' on MTV.

My friends, we all improvise together usually. So we write what I think is a good script but always leave a lot of room to find stuff on the day; and we always do find something. That's the advantage to having actors who are, in their own right, writers.

I won't share everything, both in my act or in interviews. Some of the people who become the most famous are the most self-revelatory, and I'm like, 'No, it's just not worth it to me.'

I feel incredibly lucky at this moment in my career to get paid to do basically exactly what I always wanted to do. I appreciate that in general. But you know, like any job, a job is a job, and there are days that are going to be boring, or you have a boss you don't like, or people you work with.

I wish I was a cool guy and could drink coffee black, but I put almond milk and raw cane sugar in it.

When I was a kid, I would do Andrew Dice Clay jokes for my siblings. Like, we'd be on vacation, and I'd just recite Andrew Dice Clay jokes. They seemed to think that was pretty funny. Then it evolved into 'Wayne's World.'

Whether it's corporate investigations or comedy, there are certain inherent truths to trying to get what you want while trying to be a decent person doing it.

Comedy can't be done in a vacuum, and you can't do it on your own. So if you have a community of people, it's a great symbiotic relationship.

I had a world theme at my Bar Mitzvah: each table was a different country. I had a miserable time. There was one picture of me, and I'm wearing a double-breasted suit. There were all these people having fun, and I'm just standing there. I look like a corporate lawyer who just found out he's not making partner.

Between podcasts and places like Funny or Die or CollegeHumor, there are so many venues to get the word out. It makes it difficult in that there's a never-ending desire for content, so you have to constantly be turning stuff out, but that makes you better and more prolific in general.

Anyone you give a ton of money to is going to go slightly crazy. I don't think comedians are particularly special in that regard; they just are better or more vocal in their expressions of their craziness.

I didn't have any terrible survival jobs. The main job I had before I was able to transition over to acting full-time was working at an after-school program at a middle school teaching improv and standup. So even when I had a regular job, I was still lucky enough to be doing the stuff I loved in some way.

Part of making art is learning how you make it best. I'm not great at sitting down at a desk and writing for three hours. I write best verbally, talking through an idea with people, so I do my best work when I collaborate.

Comedy is so collaborative. You're going to come up with better jokes with people you like joking around with. It just makes sense.

Contrary to widespread belief, I do know something about science.

I can't play video games or games on my phone because I'll go into a deep vortex, and no one will hear from me for weeks.

I guess there should be somewhere on the Internet that feels like a source of sacred truth. But Wikipedia sure isn't it.

Fantasy football has changed how I watch football because now every game is interesting start to finish. Even when its the Browns and Lions.

Really, I just love doing comedy. Any form it takes is great, as long as I can keep doing it, you know? If I can do my show and 'The League' while also getting to do other bits, that's awesome.

I guess my first big break was getting the hit show 'Cavemen' on ABC. People made fun of it, but it was a huge opportunity for me and moved me out to L.A., where I learned a ton about acting and how much I didn't want to be in makeup for four hours a day.

In, like, seventh or eighth grade every day after school, my friend Andrew and I would watch 'Wayne's World.' And I think it's a great example of a sketch effectively turned into a movie and a story that really works with a good journey. Not easily accomplished, but such a good journey.

In general in comedy, there are fewer people making a ton of money and a lot more people making a living. For me, the goal is just being able to make exactly the show I wanted to make.

The first movie that I ever said was my favorite movie - and I've said for the longest - is 'The Producers,' Mel Brooks' original 'Producers.' The two lead performances from Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder are both unstoppable performances and then supported by amazing supporting characters throughout.

In high school, I went to a place called the Mountain School. It's on a farm in Vermont, and I read Emerson and Thoreau and ran around the woods. Now I go hiking with a bunch of my comedy buddies. We talk about our emotions. I also do a lot of writing on hikes, just to get the blood flowing and the ideas moving.

If you talk to most ambitious people, people who are high achievers, they're rarely at peace with what they're doing because they need an engine to keep moving.

'Cavemen' was obviously a big opportunity. I learned a lot about how to act and about the politics of being on a set every day. Like, who do you have to listen to and who you don't have to listen to.

I would be psyched to get a phone call from Al Sharpton. I need to find out who does his hair. It's beautiful. It's a gorgeous mane.

My thinking is, if we're setting out to make comedy in which nothing is off limits, then everybody is fair game.

I find Spike Jones' movies to be really very inventive and funny, but they're really sad and touching and really key into the different facets of the human experience.

One of the worst things about being an actor, besides people being nice to you and getting free stuff all the time - but really, one of the worst things is not knowing what's coming next. You could shoot a pilot, and they could have you on hold for six months waiting to find out what is going to happen with the show, and you're locked into it.

For me, I was literally trying to stay afloat. I never actually thought I would get my own sketch show. So the idea that one day I would have my own show is pretty wild. But once I got it, I thought, 'Yeah, this is exactly what I always wanted to do.'

An autograph is actually refreshing because everyone has cameras now and wants a selfie. That's why I carry signed headshots with me, to give out.

Wikipedia is a strange thing. Whoever gets there first, you know, they decide. Like the picture: You can't choose it! You can't be like, 'You know, I hate that picture of me doing stand-up from 2005 - that doesn't exemplify who I am.' You take it down, and someone puts it back up.

My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don't know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.

The height of my athletic achievement was in 8th grade when I was the point guard for my Jewish day school basketball team. We played in a public school league and, amazingly, went undefeated. I say 'amazingly' because our power forward was 5 ft. 6 in.

Meeting someone you admire, and then that person's like, 'I'm a fan of your work' - it's a really neat feeling.

When you start as an actor, you can only hope you'll be able to act at all - let alone on a show that lasts seven seasons.

Usually, one of the first things I think about when I'm developing a character is what they're wearing. I mean, it sounds very cheesy and very actor-y, but it really does help me figure it out.

I got my SAG card doing commercials.

I have so many funny friends that I hang out and do bits with, and the fact that we can hire each other is amazing. I asked all of them to help make 'Kroll Show' the best that it can be. I'm selfishly trying to use their funny genius for my own benefit.

I was never a western guy, but I happened upon 'Tombstone' one day on TV and was really sort of taken with it. It's one of those movies that, if it's on TV, I can't turn it off. I just have to watch the whole thing.

You have to have a first job to learn how to act, do interviews, pose for photo shoots, and negotiate how you'll say lines with writers. My first network show, 'Cavemen,' just happened to be one that was culturally reviled.

I speak some Spanish. I would love to go make a movie in Spanish. I'd love to be in an Almodovar movie or an Inarritu.

The one place I've seen something really come together is in editing. Sometimes you can save pieces in a way that you're really shocked.

I found, especially with stand-up, that if a premise works, you can make the joke work. If a premise doesn't work, you can't force it to.

We all suffer in our own way; like, life is miserable. And I'm not, 'Oh, I'm a stand-up who's sad,' but the reality is that just about everyone is quietly unhappy. I don't think that pertains to comedians specifically. I think most people look at themselves in the mirror and are not happy with what they see.

When you start out, it sometimes feels like you're fighting audiences every night just to prove that you're funny.

I do a lot of eavesdropping. That's one of the things I miss about New York: just checking people out.

A comedian is sort of like a wild animal. It really just depends on where you catch them. Sometimes they want to cuddle up, and sometimes they'll snap at you. But for me, more often than not, if I'm talking to somebody who makes their living in comedy, it'll be a very thoughtful conversation driven from an emotionally honest place.

I think a lot of podcasts have a lot of amazing character work. Seth Morris does this amazing character, Boch Duco, which I think is one of the funniest, most well-realized characters that I've ever seen or heard.

Doing radio commercials was how I was really able to leave my day job.

I did, like, one or two plays in high school, but I don't think I realized I wanted to do comedy until I got to college, and I started doing improv and saw the Upright Citizens Brigade perform and did workshops with them.

Oftentimes the shows that don't work help you get it right.

When I first got to New York, Comedy Central was the only place to go if you weren't on HBO or network. And then FX, Adult Swim, and other sort of ventures came up, and all of a sudden there were other places to go, and I think Comedy Central is making a concerted effort to become a place where smart, funny weirdoes can come and do their stuff.

The more variance I have in my days, the more exciting each thing is and the more I enjoy doing it.

I think my goal was just to do comedy, honestly. It still is. Whatever form that took or takes, it doesn't matter.

Without realizing it, I think I've wanted to do a sketch show since I was, like, 11 years old. Like everybody else in comedy, I grew up watching 'Saturday Night Live,' and I was doing characters with my friends.

There's just a feeling, when you're just an actor - I have great admiration for people who are just actors. I don't understand it, the idea of waiting to get cast, being at the whim of others. I find it incredibly powerless and frightening, so that's why I've been constantly trying to create my own content.

I'm proud of the work that we did, and my hope is that everyone who worked on 'Kroll Show,' it will be a credit that people will be like, 'Oh, you worked on that show? The word on that show was that it was good.'