Top 82 Quotes & Sayings by Nikki Glaser - Page 2

I never feel guilty or anything after a podcast; I feel better.

Sarah Silverman. She's the reason I do comedy. Her DNC speech was my favorite thing I ever heard. Sitting down with her and laughing would be incredible.

That's the compliment I get most often - 'You guys are so honest.'

My logic used to be if I get angry at my boyfriend, he could say, 'Well, if that thing I do that I don't want to stop doing makes you mad, I don't need to be with you. Bye!' And then he'd leave me. Forever.

Someone told me I looked like a young Tonya Harding recently, as if 'young' would soften the blow.

I nannied for a couple of months. The kids were super-funny; it made me wish I grew up in a comedy household. But nannying is demoralizing. I'm just not cut out for it.

My boyfriend and I have finally learned how to embrace confrontation as something that will only help us as a couple.

Some of my favorites include 'Walking the Room' and 'Never Not Funny' and 'FitzDog Radio', Greg Fitzsimmons' podcast.

I've been doing stand-up for a few years, and I have a handful of fans just from stuff I've done, like 'Last Comic Standing.' And as a fan of stand-ups myself ... like, when I first discovered Sarah Silverman, I wanted to know everything about her life.

I always told my parents, 'Just give me till I'm 27 to do comedy, to make it'.

I have always been scared of confrontation. My therapist says it stems from my fear of abandonment.

My boyfriend and I are not good at fighting. We're better than we were when we started dating - two breakups and three years ago - but it's never come naturally to either of us. I have often wished we fought like I imagine Pink and Carey Hart fight.

I was going to go to a Gathering of the Juggalos but decided that wouldn't work. They would know I was there to make fun of them. It would be like me going to a Trump rally.

Temping is the worst. I would rather starve and be homeless than nanny or temp again.

No guy is ever gonna be like, 'Well, I'm not into her because she just doesn't seem into me!' That's never been a complaint for why a guy doesn't like a girl. Ever! That's an attractive thing, so always err on the side of aloofness.

I think girls in general need to be more complimentary... It just makes people feel better.

You're not too good for the sleep mask-neck pillow combo! You're not too cool for it!

I was always thinking the funny things but was always quiet and scared to be made fun of.

When you use sleep mask, no one's gonna recognize you. You're gonna look like an idiot, but it's so worth it.

No one's too big for a compliment. A lot of times, people think with celebrities, 'Oh, she knows she's great in that!' Meryl Streep still likes a compliment. I guarantee you, it touches her heart.

I throw out compliments to strangers all the time, because I would like it back at me, and do unto others.

I've been living out of a suitcase for over a decade.