Top 144 Quotes & Sayings by Noel Fielding - Page 2

Gay people are all like Superman. You have to be quite strong to be gay - or to be different in any way. You build special muscles.

I just like magical, fantastical stuff. I don't really see it as surreal when I'm writing. It's just, I write, and then I have an idea, and usually, they're quite odd.

I hated school, so when I got to this place with other people who could draw and were interested in wearing makeup, it was amazing.

I always had a sort of niggling regret that we didn't come do stuff in America.

I'd rather do smaller theaters, because it's more fun for the audience and more fun for me. I like to build up demand.

Fame is a bit Nietzschean. For everything good, something bad happens to you, so you have to sort of be careful.

If my dinner was really hot, I'd put my fork up to my eye and look at my little brother through the steam coming off the food. He'd say: 'Mum, he's looking at me through his fork again.' It sent him insane.

You can't please all of the people all of the time; you can only please some of the people some of the time.

I like how food can look incredible more than I like eating it. I started moving food around the plate to make it appear I'd eaten more but then enjoyed making faces on the plate - peas for eyebrows, Yorkshire puddings for eyes.

I've got a beautiful kitchen, which looks like a '60s version of space, with silver chrome, orange glass work surfaces, and brown leather, and it's entirely visual and has little function. I've hardly got any knives, and there's only one wooden spoon and one saucepan. But I think I've got a cheese grater, so that's good.

Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them.

My mum and dad are quite hippyish, so I'm pretty naive. I take everyone at face value.

The Boosh was cult, but then it crossed over a bit, which we needed it to, because we were working on it full time, and it needed to go mainstream so we could keep making material.

Fantasy Man's my favourite, I think, because he's sort of like Don Quixote. He lives in a fantasy world, but he gets jolted back into reality, and I guess that's me, really!

My parents had lots of parties. They were hopelessly bohemian. They were just 18 when they had me.

My mum and dad are massive Bowie fans, so I grew up listening to his music.

When you're famous, you can't go to Topshop. Even when I disguise myself in a moustache, baseball cap, sunglasses - the full Madonna kit - it doesn't work: my stupid face is too big.

The best stuff comes out when you're not making it for anything and you don't really know what you're making.

I love the Boosh, but there were so many people around us that it became a cash cow. Everyone's going, 'Do this. Do that. This is the answer'.

I started writing sketches when I was 13. I liked Vic Reeves, Fry and Laurie, and Paul Merton, and I thought you could just send sketches to the BBC, and they'd go, 'Great. We'll put these on telly.' But I gradually realised that you either had to go to university and join a club, or do standup.

They were too young to be proper parents. They never said, 'You've got to go to bed or you'll be tired for school'. They didn't mind - they let me stay up.

I can't write unless I've got the voice for a character.

When I was at art college, a can of Spray Mount adhesive cost £12: £2 more than my weekly food bill.

The film-maker Alejandro Jodorowsky - his films are hard to watch - they're so dense and rich - but they're probably the best things ever made. And Spike Milligan, who was light years ahead of the rest - I played some of his stuff to Jack Black once. He'd never heard of him, so watching him listen to Spike for the first time was just hilarious.

When we got quite big and were generating a lot of money through the arenas, we became quite a big thing, and a lot of managers appeared, and it became a big machine, like we were in Pink Floyd or something, and I don't think we were into that. We didn't really compromise.

When people come to see you, they know what you do. That's what they want. They want it to be quite English; they don't want to watch an English bloke trying to fit in. They want it to be quintessentially English in the way that Ricky Gervais is rude to people at the Golden Globes.

When I'm 70 I might be a man in a park just wandering around, speaking in tongues with kids throwing bread at me.

There's something amazing about tea. It's good before a meal, after a meal, when drunk, when taking drugs, while playing football and after being called a poof in the street.

My mum and dad are both really funny. My granddad's really funny, my uncle's really funny, everyone's really funny. You have to be quick, otherwise you get roasted. Everyone takes the piss quite a lot. You have to be really sharp.

My nan used to look after me in the summer holidays and she had a cat with one eye. It used to walk into walls and tables. I used to think it was hilarious. It was a slapstick cat.

I don't pick stuff up, I knock stuff down!

I visited a friend in Leicester recently. It was 4am and we all ran around in a circle, six of us. It’s the most fun I’ve had since i was seven. And I thought: it’s not about drink, or drugs, or fancy clubs. It’s about running around in your socks, changing direction in a front room in Leicester.

I don't think I'd have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago I'd have been a lord. Shooting people that were on my land With a wig, yeah. And some crisps.

Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting me in the eyes and the temples... it was a trick pie!

Some people have a fear of being on stage. I have a fear of coming off it.

I had always drawn, every day as long as I had held a pencil, and just assumed everyone else had too…Art had saved me and helped me fit in…Art was always my saving grace…Comedy didn’t come until much later for me. I’ve always tried to combine the two things, art and comedy, and couldn’t make a choice between the two. It was always my ambition to make comedy with an art-school slant, and art that could be funny instead of po-faced.

You must have stuck a finger up your arse at least once.

Never try and go on a solo mission on your own.

It's impossible to be unhappy while wearing a poncho!

I'm a mischievous drunk.

You know the black bits in bananas? Are they tarantulas' eggs?

I've had a really weird day, some joker threw bamboo in the penguin enclosure. They all vaulted out. It was a nightmare, it took me all morning to get them back in.

Yeah? Rock 'n' Roll is fast, you know. If all goes according to plan I could be in rehab next thursday. Tuesday week I'll be living on an island with a small Indian boy.

Imagine that, a poncho sombrero combo, I'll be off my tits on happiness.

When I was 13 I told my dad I'd rather kill myself than do an ordinary job. He vaguely muttered something about how I'd need to earn a living somehow, but he's been totally behind me, forking out money he didn't really have to send me to university. Every other comedian I've met had to fight their parents to be allowed to do this but mine have been brilliant.

I've got it all in here ultra violets, flying saucers, strawberry bootlace come on get involved.

When you start, it's not to do with the material so much. It's more to do with how you can control a crowd and make friends with an audience and sell your brand of humor.

The tie's a multi purpose accessory, y'know, belt, school boy, Rambo.

I'm going to name drop like an idiot now, but Bono rang me up once, right? I don't know how he got my number, but I, ever so stupidly, and obviously thought it was one of my mates mocking about. So I was like, "Yeah, whatever." And it was him, but I even went to him, "That's not even a good Irish accent!"

People said, ‘You must be mad, or on drugs,’ which I found a bit disappointing. What about imagination? It reflects our time that people sooner assume you’re on drugs or mad, rather than free.

I don't hate Coldplay to be cool I genuinely hate Coldplay.

When I was 14, I saw someone getting their face and wrists slashed with a knife in a pub in Catford. Nobody lifted a finger. That's when I realised that violence wasn't funny. At all.

Trousers can never be too tight. You have to go through a couple of days of pain, then everything stretches out.

All my friends got dogs and cats for Christmas, and I got a starfish called Roy. I used to take him down to the park on a lead.

I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments.

We got everythin' we need here. We got Baileys, creamy, and, um... everythin' good. I'll get ya another Baileys

I think I should be in a film called 'Space Shrews'. Where I go to space. With a load of shrews. And nothing really happens. We just get out and have a lolly and then come back. But it'll be a musical the ship will be built out of my own hair.

I never did that badly with women when I wasn't on telly, but it's a bit out of control now. Women try it on with me more than I'm comfortable with. It's strange, because I think I look like a troll wearing a woman's wig backwards.

Things are different in the fantasy world Towels are different in the fantasy world Shows are different in the fantasy world Dancing's different in the fantasy world Unicorns No, they're the same Everything's different in the fantasy world

There's not enough psychedelic stuff on TV. I want the world to be a bit weirder than it is. I hate reality, so I hate reality TV. But I love Columbo.