Top 219 Quotes & Sayings by Ogden Nash - Page 2

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

I have an idea that the phrase weaker sex was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm.

Indeed, everybody wants to be a wow, But not everybody knows exactly how.

So I hope husbands and wives will continue to debate and combat Over everything debatable and combatable Because I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life Particularly if he has income and she is pattable.

There was a young man of Herne Bay who was making some fireworks one day: but he dropped his cigar in the gunpowder jar. There was a young man of Herne Bay.

One thing that literature would be greatly the better for Would be a more restricted employment by authors of simile and>metaphor.

Abracadabra, thus we learn The more you create, the less you earn. The less you earn, the more you're given, The less you lead, the more you're driven, The more destroyed, the more they feed, The more you pay, the more they need, The more you earn, the less you keep, And now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to take If the tax-collector hasn't got it before I wake.

If some confectioners were willing To let the shape announce the filling, We'd encounter fewer assorted chocs, Bitten into and returned to the box.

Some debts are fun while you are acquiring them, But none are fun when you set about retiring them.

The oboe's a horn made of wood. I'd play you a tune if I could, But the reeds are a pain, And the fingering's insane. It's the ill wind that no one blows good.

I drink because she nags, she said I nag because he drinks. But if the truth be known to you, He's a lush and she's a shrew.

I'd rather be a great bad poet than a good bad poet.

Winter is the king of showmen, Turning tree stumps into snowmen And houses into birthday cakes And spreading sugar over lakes. Smooth and clean and frosty white, The world looks good enough to bite. That’s the season to be young, Catching snowflakes on your tongue. Snow is snowy when it’s snowing, I’m sorry it’s slushy when it’s going.

There is something about a martini, Ere the dining and dancing begin, And to tell you the truth, It is not the vermouth- I think that perhaps it's the gin.

One thing about the past. It's likely to last.

There once was an umpire whose vision Was cause for abuse and derision He remarked in surprise, 'Why pick on my eyes? It's my heart that dictates my decision.'

The camel has a single hump, The dromedary, two; Or else the other way around; I'm never sure. Are you?

You are much happier when you are happy than when you ain't.

The truth I do not stretch or shove When I state the dog is full of love. I've also proved, by actual test, A wet dog is the lovingest.

Senescence begins And middle-age ends The day your descendants Outnumber your friends

When there are monsters there are miracles.

Celery, raw, Develops the jaw

Time is so old and love so brief, love is pure gold and time a thief. We're late, darling, we're late, The curtain descends, everything ends, too soon, too soon.

I test my bath before I sit, And I'm always moved to wonderment That what chills the finger not a bit Is so frigid upon the fundament.

The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.

To love is an active verb.

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave, when they think that their children are naive.

Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

Humor is hope's companion in arms. It is not brash, it is not cheap, it is not heartless. Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit.

An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.

Remorse is violent dyspepsia of the mind.

There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but I'm afraid it's heading in the wrong direction.

Tonight's December thirty-first, something is about to burst. The clock is crouching, dark and small, like a time bomb in the hall. Hark, it's midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!

The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Supplies us sausage, ham, and Bacon. Let others say his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig.

Beneath this slab John Brown is stowed. He watched the ads, And not the road.

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing.

All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.

No, you never get any fun Out of the things you haven't done.

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

Life has a tendency to obfuscate and bewilder, Such as fating us to spend the first part of our lives being embarrassed by our parents and the last part being embarrassed by our children.

When I ponder my mind I consistently find It is glued On food.

Indoors or out, no one relaxes In March, that month of wind and taxes, The wind will presently disappear, The taxes last us all the year.

Home is heaven and orgies are vile, But I like an orgy, once in a while.

The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher, Were each of them once a kiddie. A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature. Do I want one? God Forbiddie!

Where there is a monster, there is a miracle.

Love is a word that is constantly heard, Hate is a word that is not. Love, I am told, is more precious than gold. Love, I have read, is hot. But hate is the verb that to me is superb, And Love but a drug on the mart. Any kiddie in school can love like a fool, But Hating, my boy, is an Art.

Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor.

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force.

Some hate broccoli, some hate bacon I hate having my picture taken. How can your family claim to love you And then demand a picture of you?

Here's a toast to the roast that good fellowship lends, with the sparkle of beer and wine; May its sentiment always be deeper, my friends, than the foam at the top of the stein. Then here's to the heartening wassail, wherever good fellows are found; Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.

O money, money, money. I'm not necessarily one of those who think thee holy, but I often stop to wonder how thou canst go out so fast when thou comest in so slowly.

Man is a victim of dope in the incurable form of hope.

Bankers are just like everybody else, except richer.

It is the sin of omission, the second kind of sin, That lays eggs under your skin.

There is one fault that I must find With the twentieth century. And I'll put it in a couple of words; Too adventury. What I'd like would be some nice dull monotony If anyone's gotony.

The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can't cure, Which is a kind of trouble that is even more troublesome if you are poor.

No man is greater than his respect for sleep.