Top 219 Quotes & Sayings by Ogden Nash - Page 3
Explore popular quotes and sayings by an American poet Ogden Nash.
Last updated on September 17, 2024.
The only way I can distinguish proper from improper fractions is by their actions
People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.
Whether elected or appointed he considers himself the Lord's anointed, and indeed the ointment lingers on him so thick you can't get your fingers on him.
When you're wrong admit it, when you're right, shut up.
But all ladies think they weigh too much.
Only the gamefish swims upstream, But the sensible fish swims down.
I'm like a backward berry, Unripened on the vine, For all my friends are fifty, And I'm only forty-nine.
The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift.
Stuyvesant chats with Kelly and Katz, The professor warms to the broker, And life is good in the brotherhood Of an air-conditioned smoker.
All that glitters is sold as gold.
Snow is all right while it is snowing; it is like inebriation because it is very pleasing when it is coming, but very unpleasing when it is going.
A dressing is not a compote A dressing is not a custard It consists of pepper and salt, Vinegar, oil and mustard.
O thrice unhappy home Whose master doesn't know the difference between a watt and an ohm!
And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more.
Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny- Have you ever tried to buy them without money?
Neath tile or thatch That man is rich Who has a scratch For every itch.
One rule which woe betides the banker who fails to heed it/Never lend any money to anybody unless they don't need it.
They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.
Authors of all races, be they Greeks, Romans, Teutons, or Celts, Can't seem just to say anything is the thing it is but have to go out of their way to say that it is like something else.
My garden will never make me famous, I'm a horticultural ignoramus.
The doctor gets you when you're born, The preacher, when you marry, And the lawyer lurks with costly clerks If too much on you carry. Professional men, they have no cares; Whatever happens, they get theirs.
Miranda in Miranda's sight is old, gray and dirty; Twenty-nine she was last night; This morning she is thirty.
People expect old men to die, They do not really mourn old men. Old men are different. People look At them with eyes that wonder when ... People watch with unshocked eyes; But the old men know when an old man dies.
In the world of mules there are no rules.
Smallpox is natural; vaccine ain't.
Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy.
You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday.
No wonder you feel that lost sensation.
You're sunk from a riot of relaxation.
When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.
Ten years ago she split the air To seize what she could spy Tonight she bumps against a chair, Betrayed by milky eye. She seems to pant, Time up, time up! My little dog must die, And lie in dust with Hector's pup; I So, presently, must I.
The codfish is a staple food For which I'm seldom in the mood. This fish is such an utter loss That people eat it with egg sauce.
Maybe I couldn't be dafter, But I keep wondering if this time we settle our differences before a war instead of after.
I think progress began to retrogress when Wilbur and Orville started tinkering around in Dayton and at Kitty Hawk, because I believe that two Wrights made a wrong.
Here lies my past, Goodbye I have kissed it; Thank you kids, I wouldn't have missed it.
A bird in the open never looks Like its picture in the birdie books - Or if it once did, it has changed its plumage, And plunges you back into ignorant gloomage.
Some people's money is merited and other people's is inherited.
He is not drunk, who from the floor, can rise and stand and shout for more
Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as legislature.... So people who go to bed to sleep Must count French premiers or sheep, And people who ought to arise from bed Yawn and go back to sleep instead.
At another year I would not boggle Except that when I jog I joggle.
And you stagger down to break your fast. Greasy bacon and lacquered eggs And coffee composed of frigid dregs.
The song of canaries
Never varies,
And when they're moulting
They're pretty revolting.
I don't care how unkind the things people say about me so long as they don't say them to my face.
A bit of talcum Is always walcum.
Poets arent very usefulBecause they aren't consumeful or produceful.
Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures -- take them, George, they're yours!
Any kiddie in school can love like a fool, But Hating, my boy, is an Art.
Don't Cry Darling, It's Blood All Right
When a lady's erotic life is vexed God knows what God is coming next.
It is my duty, gentlemen, to inform you that women are dictators
all, and I recommend to you this moral:
In real life it takes only one to make a quarrel.
Dogs display reluctance and wrath If you try to give them a bath. They bury bones in hideaways And half the time they trot sideaways.
We love the kindly wind and hail, The jolly thunderbolt, We watch in glee the fairy trail Of ampere, watt, and volt.
Bankers are just like anybody else, only richer
Then here's to the heartening wassail, Wherever good fellows are found; Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.
The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile.
Linguistics becomes an ever eerier area, like I feel like I'm in Oz, Just trying to tell it like it was.
How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!
A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus.
I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.
The noblest lord is ushered in By the practicing physician, And the humblest lout is ushered out By a certified mortician. And in between, they find their foyers Alive with summonses from lawyers.
In real life, it takes only one to make a quarrel.
Why did the Lord give use so much quickness unless it was to avoid responsibility?
A lady is known by the product she endorses.
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