Top 219 Quotes & Sayings by Ogden Nash - Page 4

I was born a jackdaw; why should I try to be an owl?

Some one invented the telephone, And interrupted a nation's slumbers, Ringing wrong but similar numbers.

The sky is now indelible ink, The branches reft asunder; But you and I we do not shrink; We love the lovely thunder.

The moral is that it is probably better not to sin at all, but if some kind of sin you must be pursuing, Well, remember to do it by doing rather than by not doing.

How Sunday into Monday melts!

The old men know when an old man dies.

It is common knowledge to every schoolboy and even every Bachelor of Arts, That all sin is divided into two parts. One kind of sin is called a sin of commission, and that is very important

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

So Columbus said, somebody show me the sunset and somebody did and he set sail for it, And he discovered America and they put him in jail for it, And the fetters gave him welts, And they named America after somebody else.

The more you earn, the less you keep, And now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to take, If the tax-collector hasn't got it before I wake.

The reason for much matrimony is patrimony.

One bliss for which There is no match Is when you itch To up and scratch.

There are two kinds of people who blow through life like a breeze, And one kind is gossipers, and the other kind is gossipees.

If you are really Master of your Fate, it shouldn't make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or the Bearded Lady is your mate.

The highest form of wisdom is to get drunk and go to pieces. The highest form of wisdom is to get drunk and go to pieces. Candy is dandy But liquor is quicker.

But children, hark! Your mother would rather, When you arrived, have been your father.

A cough is something that you yourself cant help, but everybody else does on purpose just to torment you.

Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as forward as hives or goiters, And where it is least desired, it loiters.

Another good thing about gossip is that it is within everybody's reach, And it is much more interesting than any other form of speech.

You can take it as understood, That your luck changes only if it's good.

Then blessings on thee, my afternoon torpor Thou makest a prince of a mental porpor.

So I think there is one rule every host and hostess ought to keep with the comb and nail file and bicarbonate and aromatic spirits on a handy shelf, Which is don't spoil the denouement by telling the guests everything is terrible, but let them have the thrill of finding it out for themselves.

Middle-aged life is merry, and I love to lead it.

To Tom Carlson or his dog-depending on whose taste it best suits.

Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.

Husbands are things that wives have to get used to putting up with. And with whom they breakfast with and sup with. They interfere with the discipline of nurseries, And forget anniversaries, And when they have been particularly remiss, They think they can cure everything with a great big kiss.

The burnt child, urged by rankling ire, Can hardly wait to get back at the fire.

The dog is man's best friend. He has a tail on one end. Up in front he has teeth. And four legs underneath.

No matter how deep and dark your pit, how dank your shroud, their heads are heroically unbloody and unbowed.

Good wine needs no bush, And perhaps products that people really want Need no hard-sell or soft-sell TV push. Why not? Look at pot.

But that wasn't fancy enough for Lord Byron, oh dear me no, he had to invent a lot of figures of speech and then interpolate them, With the result that whenever you mention Old Testament soldiers to people they say Oh yes, they're the ones that a lot of wolves dressed up in gold and purple ate them.

A lady wants to be dressed exactly like everybody else but she gets pretty up- set if she sees anybody else dressed exactly like her.

This is my dream, It is my own dream, I dreamt it. I dreamt that my hair was kempt. Then I dreamt that my true love unkempt it.

I myself am more and more inclined to agree with Omar and Satchel Paige as I grow older: Don't try to rewrite what the moving finger has writ, and don't ever look over your shoulder.

To maintain your marriage brimming, with really like in the wedding cup, anytime you are incorrect, admit it each time you're proper, shut up.

Nobody agrees with anybody else anyhow, but adults conceal it and infants show it.

Passivity can be a provoking modus operandi; Consider the Empire and Gandhi.

He without benefit of scruples - His fun and money soon quadruples.

One would be in less danger From the wiles of the stranger If one's own kin and kith Were more fun to be with.