Top 288 Quotes & Sayings by Penn Jillette - Page 2

Direct confrontation, direct conversation is real respect. And it's amazing how many people get that.

Charities are really good. To a certain extent, the ones you pick are arbitrary.

I came to magic absolutely hating magic on a very, very deep level.

To drive a car in rural America is freedom. Before I had a car, I'd never seen a rock and roll show, I'd never seen a comic or a show.

The secret truth of 'Celebrity Apprentice' is that it isn't very hard... 'Celebrity Apprentice' is easy like junior high is easy. All the arithmetic, the creative writing and the history are super simple, but like junior high, you do that easy work surrounded by people who are full-tilt, hormone-raging bug nutty.

If I go out to dinner with you and you order wine, I leave. I won't be around drugs and alcohol at all.

We celebrities are desperate pigs.

I think the media spends a lot of time fooling itself.

For the most part, any serious magic show is not using very much technology newer than theatrical lights.

Even if I disagree with Obama on many, many things, he is certainly qualified to be president. He is certainly competent to be president.

I'm not misunderstood. I am brash. I make my living being brash.

I started out as a juggler, so I know what it means to spend eight hours a day, seven days a week practicing something that people just dismiss with a wave of hand.

The pure unadulterated disgust of Washington seems to me to be a really good thing.

I don't want people who are in poverty, in pain, or suffering, to suffer because it's for their own good and they can pull themselves up by their bootstraps. I want to help them. I want us all to help them.

I like movies that are scary, but I don't want them to be dirt dumb. I want a movie that gets my blood racing, makes me laugh, but also gives me something to think about, with maybe a little sexy thrown in. Hollywood doesn't make movies like that.

'Moxie' is a name that was created by an American for the first national soft drink and then went on to mean chutzpah, and that's nice.

When you look at the actual numbers, the number of people who died after 9/11 was greater than the number of people who died in 9/11, even if you are talking Americans. But you know, I don't like to talk Americans. I want to talk everybody. More innocent people died after 9/11 because of 9/11 than died in 9/11.

I'm totally clean and sober my whole life.

For better or worse, in the 21st century, reality shows are the variety show.

When I buy Windows 98, I'm not only buying something useful, I'm giving money to Bill Gates, which is a really good thing.

'Celebrity Apprentice' has more integrity and is the most straightforward show I've ever seen.

Everybody is designing magic iPhone apps that do things that are really, really beautiful, but a really important thing about magic is that the gimmick has to be ugly.

I was always a little embarrassed when there was an act on television that requires a great deal of skill but is a little goofy, and the host comes over and acts like the person doing this skill is some sort of fool for having learned to do something that's very, very difficult.

I am a huge fan of proselytizing. I am a huge fan of speaking your mind. The only way we can share the universe... is by talking very strongly about what we believe.

A joke is a way to say, 'I'm going to do something funny now. If I don't get a laugh at the end, I'm a failure.'

In my private life, I'm not around any drugs or alcohol.

Tolerance is you saying something crazy and me smiling and saying, 'That's nice.'

Poker would have never gotten on TV when we only had three networks.

Performers have the right to say what they want to, and anyone paying money has the right to accept or reject the art and entertainment that's available.

'Zolten' is a common Hungarian name, it's my wife's maiden name and most importantly, it's the name of Dracula's dog.

It's only the losers named 'Dave' that think having an unusual name is bad, and who cares what they think? They're named 'Dave.'

If I had to imagine omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent power in the universe that chose to make my mother suffer, I don't know how I would make that make sense in the universe.

I don't believe in vengeance. Really, when all is said and done, I probably don't believe in punishment.

It is really funny to see people that you know acting unpleasantly just because there are TV cameras on.

If you spend a lot of time lying to people, you think a lot about what the truth means.

The Tea Party claims to want small government.

Penn & Teller stopped doing practical jokes, and the reason is we got much too good at it.

Technology adds nothing to art.

I have no evidence that libertarianism leads to a better life. I just think it is morally right.

As much as I disagreed with every second of 'Fahrenheit 9/11,' the fact that it is out made me jump for joy.

I don't think I'm made of the right stuff to be a politician. I think I'm made to be a loose cannon.

Believing there's no God means I can't really be forgiven except by kindness and faulty memories. That's good; it makes me want to be more thoughtful. I have to try to treat people right the first time around.

People still seem to think that they should vote themselves money. They seem to think there is stuff which they think is the government's job, when it's really the individual's job.

But it's much more exciting to make Die Hard. One of the reasons that I think that movie is so successful is it deals with those very important blue-collar relationship themes. But it's more visually beautiful to show things blowing up. It just gives you more on the screen.

Before you can read, you know the difference between a story and reality. And, of course, by the time you're old enough to do any real damage with an Uzi, you've learned that difference.

If you want to talk about magic, the stuff that blows me away is the stuff that's done close up.

I like things matching. I have an upright bass, a drum kit and a grand piano that's the same color. I tend to overthink things.

This is going to sound horrible, but I don't even know how much I make in a year. It must be, you know, a couple of million dollars, a few million. I know it's more money than my dad, a jail guard, made in his lifetime; more money than I'll ever need.

My parents were teetotalers and my grandparents were - it's all the way back. It's New English puritanical tradition.

Comedy is taken care of by a free market.

Trey Parker did 'Book of Mormon.' It's the best Broadway show I've ever seen. He does 'South Park.' It's wonderful.

I love when violent, dangerous art is done by people who are not violent and dangerous. I love that when George Romero was making 'Dawn of the Dead,' he was coaching his son's little league team.

I never wanted to be a magician. I never wanted to be a comedian. I never wanted to be onstage.

In reality, many people let go of religion later in life.

I'm always fascinated by the use of the first-person plural talking about sports.

It wasn't success, because Teller and I, by the time Asparagus Valley got together - within a year, we had achieved all our goals. I mean, our goal was to earn our living doing exactly what we wanted. Which is many people's goal.

Modern American magic, late 20th century magic, is tremendously disrespectful of the audience.

You have to be careful as a libertarian because you can sound very Republican.

No one can tell you the rules of 'Celebrity Apprentice.' No one. Donald Trump just does what he wants, which is mostly pontificating to people who are sucking up to him, while the network people try to manipulate him into making the highest-rated show they can.

When I was 15, 16, 17 years old, I spent five hours a day juggling, and I probably spent six hours a day seriously listening to music. And if I were 16 now, I would put that time into playing video games.