Top 106 Quotes & Sayings by Pete Holmes - Page 2

If I go out and do a set, there's a good chance that I'll watch another comedian. I'll think - not necessarily their words, but oftentimes the message that's behind the words - the sort of belief that their unspokenly advocating, well, sometimes that's offensive.

What I don't think I knew when I was young was that 'losing your faith' is actually part of the plan for a lot of people - that it's actually maybe the most beautiful and graceful thing that can happen. The mystery of God can handle all of it. It can handle all of your thoughts, all of your doubts, all of your folly. It's all in the game.

I call myself 'Christ-leaning,' but that's primarily psychological.

I'm a comedian. Comedians are supposed to be jaded, cynical, angry people. But I'm not: I'm a silly, silly fun boy.

I went and saw Letterman when I was 15, and that had a profound impact on me.

Audiences sometimes emit these weird frequencies that make you think you've weirded them out.

I'm super happy to say that it's not that hard to write bad stand-up. I guess the trick is to write bad stand-up that sounds like you're trying to be good.

Dorks are not exempt from bad behaviour.

Every performer I talk to will, with different words, talk about the sanctity of a good standup show, how it can really feel spiritual. When everybody is laughing, fixed on the same thing, you feel like you transcend yourself.

Science would like to tell us that people laugh because of the benign violation theory, but comedy doesn't have hard rules.

I'm not the hugest comic book person, but I do love superheroes.

When I grew up, my model of God was like a lifeguard: I knew He loved me, but He blew his whistle a lot.

I love alpha males.

There's nothing you can do to increase or decrease the love that God has for you, but there are things you can do that increase or decrease your awareness of that love. That's certainly been my experience.

Comedians really are like a species. That's not to be exclusive. Anyone can kind of become one. You have to pay your dues, though.

'Time to Move On' is my favorite song.

Losing your faith is an essential part of having a three-dimensional, vivid, vibrant faith.

I'm down with Jesus, sweet Jeez, sweet baby Jeez.

When you think about a festival from a comedian's perspective, it has to do with who else does it - that's number one. The second consideration - and this is kind of crazy - is: 'What's the food like? What is the town like? Is it walkable? Is it easy to get around?'

I didn't like talking about my divorce. I think I viewed that as something that was embarrassing or a failure.

I think what people respond to is someone being who they actually are.

I was raised evangelical, so if you want to get offended, let's get offended. I have a master's degree in being offended.

I disagree with the idea that everything happens for a reason.

When I used to work the road, I remember I used to ask myself in the mirror, literally, like in a movie, back when I was not very good at all, I'd say, 'What's it like being the greatest comedian in the world?'

I think a lot of pain in people's lives comes from not being open and honest about what they really think, what they really feel, what they like, what they don't like.

The underlying goal of comedy is feeling not-alone.

Ideally, a good pastor wants to empower a congregation to the point where they don't need him. You want everyone to leave feeling better.

I think my mom recognized that I liked people to be happy. I like people to get along. And I like to be a peacemaker. And I liked the church. So she was like, 'You should be a youth pastor.'

When my wife left me, in real life, T. J. Miller was like, 'I'm shooting a movie in Pittsburgh. I'll fly you out and get you a hotel room,' and I spent a week with him.

When I started, I was very deliberate about making friends with people like John Mulaney who were really funny and wanted to go up and do as many open mics as I did.

I am a comedian. My brain is critical - it's overthinking - but you can find ways to turn it down and realize that's not who you really are.

People like Bill Burr and Jim Gaffigan and Zach Galifianakis and Sarah Silverman - they were all amazing and helpful to me.

I like squirm-laughing.

When you do stand-up, it's so autonomous: I can say anything.

Life is temporary. We die one day. Live it up!

In real life, T. J. Miller is one of my best friends, and I'll maybe see him for two or three days in a row, and then I won't see him for four months. That's just how our lives are.

Starting the podcast was an experiment. I wouldn't say I was very private, but I was probably as private as the average person.

There's something about a podcast that feels like two people in a closet with the lights off.

The beautiful thing about stand-up advice is that it applies to anybody, any gender, any race, any age. The best thing you can do - everybody will tell you - is get on stage as much as you can. I would add to that: get on stage as much as you can - with the people you admire.

Joy is in learning to say yes to what is and to surrender into flow with what is, even when it's what you don't want.

I have never been political, which for a straight white man that's kind of a byproduct of privilege growing up that I was kind of like, "Who cares who the president is, everything is coming up privilege." But now things are so scary and crazy and I have to say I'm not a fan of Trump at all. I don't agree with him in any way.

Be persistent and just keep going to open mics no matter what, even if just to watch and not perform. You'll find that even at your worst keep your head up because you'll still be better than other people's best.

One of my obsessions in life is that we have the tools to manufacture moments and real things, but it's overwhelming and there's a lot of fear and you think maybe you'll be rejected or embarrassed or somehow hurt emotionally. So we don't do the things we know we can do, but we can make people feel better and make people happier with compliments or just being positive and that sort of thing and sending it their way.

If you have a friend with a blond mustache, he wants to touch you.

I'm trying to, with my stand-up and with the podcast, give people these little stupid things to give them happiness. I know that sounds lofty or like I'm starting a cult, but I kind of feel that way.

I'm trying to manufacture a sleepover feel; like a tree house or a clubhouse. I want people to be silly and play and feel safe and some people, you have to coax them into that space and some people bring me further into that space, even past the point that I wanted to go.