Top 105 Quotes & Sayings by Ralphie May

Explore popular quotes and sayings by an American comedian Ralphie May.

Last updated on December 23, 2024.

Ralph Duren May was an American stand-up comedian and actor, known for his extensive touring and comedy specials on multiple media platforms.

American - Comedian | February 17, 1972 - October 6, 2017

Source: Wikipedia

I've got a lot of charisma, plus women are forgiving and they can be charmed.

Ralphie May

Most comics can't produce the amount of material I produce.

Ralphie May

I've been called a race traitor, prejudiced about white people. It's ridiculous... I have a really, really diverse crowd. Most comedy clubs appeal to white audiences. I have a very mixed crowd. I have a lot of visibility in the black audience.

Ralphie May

I'm too Southern.

Ralphie May

I'm dirty, I'm irreverent - but I'm still a very topical comedian.

Ralphie May

I'm an entertainer first. But I do as a stand up comedian, the way for me to evolve is to make a difference, to make people laugh and learn and do something different. Because there's too many comedians out there just making people laugh. And anybody can do that.

Ralphie May

I'm honest, at the end of the day - I'm obese, but I'm not obtuse.

Ralphie May

I see the absurdity in things, and I think it's my job to point it out.

Ralphie May

There's certain stock lines that, you know, like heckler lines, you know, like, where did you learn to whisper, a helicopter, you know? Nobody owns those. I mean, someone first wrote it but it's been so universally used that it's common and it's called stock.

Ralphie May

I don't just live in a bubble in Los Angeles. I'm on the road all the time. I say hello to people everywhere. That way, you get to see what despair is around the holidays. People are making terrible choices: Do I have heat in the winter or food on the table? Decisions between filling the gas tank or buying a gift for a kid.

Ralphie May

I live in a dangerous part of Los Angeles. It's called... Los Angeles.

Ralphie May

If I can make you laugh and learn, I want to be like George Carlin and Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy and Sam Kinison and Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle. I want to be of that ilk, I don't want to just make you laugh, I want to make you think.

Ralphie May

I'm even handed. I just point out the stupidity we all do.

Ralphie May

Atlanta is interesting. You have high education rates but there are plenty of regular folks. People have degrees but chop wood on weekends.

Ralphie May

I mean, comics fear sue - you know, lawsuits and stuff like that, just because they don't like to do paperwork.

Ralphie May

I think there's too much emphasis on making sure our corporations are OK versus making sure our people are OK.

Ralphie May

The people I make fun of most are white people. They're the dumbest ones. They really are.

Ralphie May

I think we can do better with our politicians. I think I'd make a good one, because I like people.

Ralphie May

I know a way for no Americans to die in Iraq: Leave.

Ralphie May

Consumers of comedy, they like me and that's great.

Ralphie May

I think it's funny when stereotypes happen.

Ralphie May

I loved 'Celebrity Fit Club,' working out six days a week, running a mile and a half three times a week, and doing 1,000 crunches and sit-ups a day with a trainer. I did too much, but I lost 78 pounds of fat and 18 inches around my waist in four months.

Ralphie May

There's a big difference between being racist and racially insensitive.

Ralphie May

I'm not your usual cup of tea.

Ralphie May

I'm so Southern that I'm related to myself. I'm actually my own cousin.

Ralphie May

We are all fingers on the same hand. We may not look alike, but we are all needed.

Ralphie May

I'm blue collar, which means white trash with a job. But it also means people who take pride in what they do.

Ralphie May

America thinks if you're fat, you're stupid. That's great. I want them to keep thinking that. Let them keep on thinking that because the truth is, the expectations are blown away even more when you realize what I'm saying and doing.

Ralphie May

If we were all sitting around as different races and as different religions, if you were a real friend of these people, you would bust on them all.

Ralphie May

The comedians I always loved and respected the most were always filthy degenerates.

Ralphie May

I got kids now... It gives you an empathetic feeling into other cultures and stuff.

Ralphie May

I do like two hours of new material every year.

Ralphie May

I want more stand-up comics in prime time. It's great for every comedian.

Ralphie May

I'd like to be a U.S. senator from Tennessee.

Ralphie May

My wife is my teammate. She's my best friend. I love her.

Ralphie May

I don't get much respect from the industry in general, but that's OK. I didn't get into it for respect. I got into it to make people laugh, and that's what I'm doing. That's all I give a damn about.

Ralphie May

Vegas needs a really funny, dirty, late-night show, and I'll tell it like it is, I promise you that. And you gotta love the audience I bring in.

Ralphie May

The day you don't mess with somebody, that would be exclusive rather than inclusive. I strive to be inclusive.

Ralphie May

When somebody's different, it's so easy to dismiss what people say because of what they look like. They really want to judge the book by its cover.

Ralphie May

My children are terrific babies.

Ralphie May

I'm too far to the left for some, too far to the right for others. I'm my own brand of comedy.

Ralphie May

When I was up for the film 'Dreamcatcher,' to play the role of an overweight kid, I was told I'm too fat to play the fat guy. That's like telling a Mexican to get a tan.

Ralphie May

Some nights you walk off stage and go 'That was a good crowd.'

Ralphie May

Michigan... it's a great state... somewhere.

Ralphie May

If people get their feelings hurt from jokes, then they are too delicate to be in society.

Ralphie May

I'm too blunt, too matter-of-fact and not PC enough.

Ralphie May

I'm not crooked, and I want to help people.

Ralphie May

I work hard, and I make people laugh. What's wrong with that?