Top 9 Quotes & Sayings by Randy Glasbergen

Explore popular quotes and sayings by an American cartoonist Randy Glasbergen.

Last updated on November 8, 2024.

Randy Glasbergen was an American cartoonist and humorous illustrator best known for three decades of newspaper syndication as well as a freelance career. He produced the syndicated strip The Better Half from 1982 to 2014.

American - Cartoonist | 1957 - August 11, 2015

Source: Wikipedia

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times.

Randy Glasbergen

It's called 'reading'. It's how people install new software into their brains.

Randy Glasbergen

He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom.

Randy Glasbergen

These motivational tapes have really inspired me! I'm going to make a million dollars, buy my own company and retire early. Then, I'm going to write a novel and a symphony and give all the profits to charity. Then next month, I'll figure out how to do it.

Randy Glasbergen

Thank you for calling customer service. If you're calm and rational, press 1. If you're a whiner, press 2. If you're a hot head, press 3

Randy Glasbergen

Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held.

Randy Glasbergen

I learned about stress management from my kids. Every night after work, I drink some chocolate milk, eat sugary cereal straight from the box, then run around the house in my underwear screaming like a monkey.

Randy Glasbergen

What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?

Randy Glasbergen

I think men were destined to become homemakers. After all, who ever heard of "Ms. Clean" or the "Woman from Glad"?

Randy Glasbergen