Top 96 Quotes & Sayings by Red Buttons - Page 2
Explore popular quotes and sayings by an American comedian Red Buttons.
Last updated on December 24, 2024.
Where else but in America can a poor black man like Michael Jackson grow up to be a rich white woman?
Orson Welles, who said to Anita Bryant, Stop picketing me. What I said was I was a thespian. Never got a dinner!
Bluebeard, who said to Scottland Yard, How do I know how many wives I've killed? I'm not an accountant! Never got a dinner!
Dean Martin's great-great-uncle, Ebenezer Martin, who said to Eli Whitney, I see the cotton, but where's the gin? Never got a dinner!
Helen of Troy, a hooker from Upstate New York. Never got a dinner!
Rip Van Winkle, who said, Don't make the bed; I'm just going to the bathroom. Never got a dinner!
Vincent Van Gogh, who said to the hat salesman, I like it, but it keeps sliding over my ear. Never got a dinner!
Captain Hook's mother, who said to Little Hook, For God sakes, don't scratch it! Never got a dinner!
Jacques Cousteau, the last man to see Jimmy Hoffa. Never got a dinner!
Sydney Poitier, who said to Lester Maddox, Guess who's not coming to dinner? Never got a dinner!
Long John Silver's wife, Short, who said to John, If the shoe fits... Never got a dinner!
Julius Caesar's wife, who said to Julius, We are not naming our son Sid! Never got a dinner!
Zsa Zsa Gabor, the only woman ever to apply for group alimony. Never got a dinner!
Pope John Paul II's press secretary, who said, See, if only the Pope were Italian, he woulda shot back! Never got a dinner!
Stan Musial, who said, Why didn't they make me the first Polish pope? I was such a good Cardinal. Never got a dinner!
Dean Martin's pancreas, who overheard his liver singing I got a right to sing the blues. Never got a dinner!
E.T., who said to Phyllis Diller, You look weird. Never got a dinner!
Lee Iacocca, who said to Dolly Parton, Why do you need an airbag? Never got a dinner!
Joseph Cotten, who said, You know how I got my name? Sammy Davis picked it for me. Never got a dinner!
Peter Minuet, who said to the Indians in modern-day Manhattan, Will you accept a check from a Puerto Rican bank? Never got a dinner!
Moshe Dayan, who said to Sammy Davis, Jr., That's funny, to me you only look half Jewish. Never got a dinner!
Nostradamus, who predicted that Billy Bailey would not come home. Never got a dinner!
The Mayor of Hong Kong, who said Can't work today. Have American flu. Never got a dinner!
Dinah Shore? Wonderful woman. Dinah formed a foundation to locate missing senior citizens by putting their pictures on prune juice bottles.
J. Paul Getty, who still hasn't been buried - they keep finding oil! Never got a dinner!
Sleeping Beauty, who said to Prince Charming, Are you sure all we did was kiss? Never got a dinner!
Billy Carter, who asked his brother Jimmy, Do you think you could get me on the Gong Show? Never got a dinner!
Pliny the Elder, who when Rome was burning requested Nero to play You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille. Never got a dinner!
Clint Eastwood's sex therapist, who said to Clint, Do it any which way you can, but no sudden impact. Never got a dinner!
Dracula, who said while they drove a wooden stake into his heart, Boy, I sure hope this is heartburn. Never got a dinner!
Lot, who said to his wife as she was being turned into a pillar of salt, Stop shaking! Never got a dinner!
The Puerto Rican doctor, who wrote all his prescriptions with spray paint. Never got a dinner!
Dr. Spock, who said, Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. Never got a dinner!
John Wilkes Booth, who said, Sorry, I thought he was a critic. Never got a dinner!
Moshe Dayan, who donated his eye to CBS. Never got a dinner!
Making you a pioneer only means one thing. You were around at the time.
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