Top 330 Quotes & Sayings by Ricky Gervais - Page 3

Telling someone with depression to pull themselves together is about as useful as telling someone with cancer to just stop having cancer

I've never been insulted by hateful satanists for not believing in their devil. Only by loving Christians for not believing in their God.

Life is just a series of peaks and troughs. And you don't know whether you're in a trough until you're climbing out, or on a peak until you're coming down. And that's it you know, you never know what's round the corner. But it's all good. "If you want the rainbow, you've gotta put up with the rain." Do you know which "philosopher" said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she's just a big pair of tits.

Real racist jokes or sexist jokes aren't funny - not because they're offensive, but because they're not true. As soon as a joke is based on an untruth, it's not funny.

I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg.

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

It annoys me that the burden of proof is on us. It should be "You came up with the idea. Why do you believe it?" I could tell you I've got superpowers. But I can't go up to people saying "Prove I can't fly." They'd go: "What do you mean 'Prove you can't fly'? Prove you can!"

If all the Atheists & Agnostics left America, they'd lose 93% of The National Academy of Sciences & less than 1% of the prison population.

I don't think it matters if there is a god or not. I've met people who believe in God that are good and that are bad. And I've met people who don't believe in God that are good and that are bad. So, just be good. I'm good. Not cos I think I'll go to heaven but because when I do something bad, I feel bad. And when I do something good, I feel good.

You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.

I love how people walk around with crucifixes, skullcaps, pointy hats, funny beards and then say 'you should keep your atheism to yourself.'

The next time someone is critical of you, just take a moment to consider their life. Then smile to yourself.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if you believe in god, you're wrong.

Comedy is a medicine - a healing process that can help people get through difficult times and understand things better

You now have the least amount of time you've ever had, to do everything you've ever wanted to do. Enjoy your life. You only get one

Try something. And never be afraid to fail. That failure is useful too. It's just another building block.

Remember, no one can hurt your feelings without your permission

What will it feel like after you die? Exactly the same as it felt for those billions of years before you were born.

I always chose all my friends on whether they were funny. What's a better way to pass the time than laughing or smiling?

Unlike religious people, I look at all religions equally.

Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks

Blasphemy: a law to protect an all-powerful, supernatural deity from getting its feelings hurt.

You do your own thing and you see if you survive.

Being on the edge isn't as safe, but the view is better

If you can't joke about the most horrendous things in the world, what's the point of jokes? What's the point in having humor? Humor is to get us over terrible things.

Famous people are above the law.

I don't believe in about 2700 Gods. Christians don't believe in 2699 Gods. They're nearly as atheistic as me.

If there is a God, why did he make me an atheist?

My philosophy? Have a laugh for as long as you can and don't get run over. Or stabbed.

Some [people] are really smart. You know who you are. Some [people] are really thick. Unfortunately, you don't know who you are.

The existence of God is not subjective. He either exists or he doesn’t. It’s not a matter of opinion. You can have your own opinions. But you can’t have your own facts.

Spirituality really lost its way when it became a stick to beat people with: ‘Do this or you’ll burn in hell.

Suggesting I hate people with religion because I hate religion is like suggesting I hate people with cancer because I hate cancer.

You won't burn in hell. But be nice anyway.

Body language is more powerful than words.

Animals are not here for us to do as we please with. We are not their superiors, we are their equals. We are their family. Be kind to them.

Being an atheist makes someone a clearer thinking, fairer person. They [atheists] are not doing things to be rewarded in heaven; they're doing things because they're right, because they live by a moral code.

It’s a strange myth that atheists have nothing to live for. It’s the opposite. We have nothing to die for. We have everything to live for.

If you're surrounded by idiots, you're the unpopular one and the odd one out because idiots don't like smart asses.

You are the result of billions of years of evolution. You will only live for a few years and will never exist again. Absolutely beautiful

Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.

You should bring something into the world that wasn't in the world before. It doesn't matter what that is. It doesn't matter if it's a table or a film or gardening-everyone should create. You should do something, then sit back and say 'I did that.'

The only reason I work out is so I can eat more cheese.

I used to believe in God. The Christian one, that is (There are a few thousand to choose from. But I was born in a country where the dominant religion was Christianity so I believed in that one. Isn't it weird how that always happens?). Luckily I was also interested in science and nature. And reason and logic. And honesty and truth. And equality and fairness. By the age of eight I was an atheist.

Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right. Some people are offended by mixed marriage, gay people, atheism. So what? F*** 'em.

If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

The simple fact is, offense is taken, not given.

Opinions don't affect facts. But facts should affect opinions, and do, if you're rational

I see Atheists are fighting and killing each other again, over who doesn't believe in any God the most. Oh, no..wait.. that never happens.

We want to see a struggle. We want to see people falling over but getting themselves back up on their feet, and that's what's extraordinary- ordinary people and their struggle. There's nothing as interesting as real life out your window. You walk down the street for half an hour, I'll give you half an hour of drama.

It's going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking. Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: Breakfast.

The best way to avoid criticism is never do anything ever. Or, do what you love, have a great life & let others spend their time criticising.

I'm a militant fundamentalist atheist. I'm going to get on a crowded train, unbutton my coat and say rational things. People will be hurt.

It's a privilege to be in such a great category of people and... I don't believe in God, so I'd like to thank dogs. Dogs have given me everything.

Saying atheism is a belief system is like saying not going skiing is a hobby.

For any of you who don't know, the Golden Globes are just like the Oscars, but without all that esteem. The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton. A bit louder, a bit trashier, a bit drunker, and more easily bought.

Never fear the truth. No bad can come of discussing a true subject. No bad at all.

Got a proper job at 28. Gave it up to try comedy at 38. Decided to get fit and healthy at 48. It's never too late. But do it now

My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela. What a man. Incarcerated for 25 years, he was released in 1990 and he hasn't reoffended. I think he's going straight, which shows you prison does work.

I'd like to thank God for making me an atheist.