Top 408 Quotes & Sayings by Robin Williams - Page 3

Please, don't worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting.

Most of all, I want to thank my father, up there, the man who when I said I wanted to be an actor, he said, 'Wonderful. Just have a back-up profession like welding.'

And some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents, come on! He works in his father's business, his mom thought he was God's gift, he's Jewish! Give it up!

You know what music is - a harmonic connection between all living beings.

If I asked you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell.

I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, 'Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?' And I said, 'Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?'

You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

If women ran the world, we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.

It's a wonderful feeling when your father becomes not a god but a man to you - when he comes down from the mountain and you see he's this man with weaknesses. And you love him as this whole being, not as a figurehead.

What some folks call impossible is just stuff they haven't seen before.

Nobody takes a picture of something they want to forget.

Politically, I don't care what party you're from, offer a point of view and let's see what happens and really debate the issues rather than use personal attacks. Really talk about it, talk about immigration, talk about education, talk about pollution.

When you create you get a little endorphin rush. Why do you think Einstein looked like that?

When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer.

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?

Ballet: men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.

Good people end up in Hell because they can't forgive themselves.

Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.

People say that I'm a tree hugger, but I do a lot more than hug trees. I like having my drinking water without faecal matter, that's really nice. Or acceptable levels of strychnine. I'm an air breather, I've gotten used to that over the years.

Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's 5:00 in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."

Our job is improving the quality of life, not just delaying death.

There's a time for daring and there's a time for caution, and a wise man understands which is called for.

If you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? Carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.

What's wrong with death sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can't we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity, and decency, and God forbid, maybe even humor. Death is not the enemy gentlemen. If we're going to fight a disease, let's fight one of the most terrible diseases of all, indifference.

The Chinese had accused the Tibetans of being terrorists, which is weird. A Tibetan terrorist is like an Amish hacker. It just doesn't fit.

Sometimes you can have a whole lifetime in a day and never notice that this is a beautiful as it gets.

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so ... look at the platypus.

They say our mothers really know how to push our buttons - because they installed them

In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say 'Stop, or I'll say stop again.'

As an alcoholic, you will violate your standards quicker than you can lower them.

If you can remember the sixties, you weren't there.

You're best when you're not in charge. The ego locks the muse.

If heaven exists, to know that there's laughs, that would be a great thing.

Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt!

The idea of being a character who is kind of isolated, I can relate to that.

Come on now! You kick out the gooks, the next thing you know, you have to kick out the chinks, the spicks, the spooks, the kikes and all that's going to be left is a couple of brain-dead rednecks.

Ever since my children were born, the moment I looked at them I was crazy about them. Once I held them I was hooked. I am addicted to my children sir. I love them with all my heart and the idea of someone telling me I can't be with them, I can't see them everyday. Well, it's like someone saying I can't have air.

Oh, no. To live... to live would be an awfully big adventure.

One day [when I relapsed] I walked into a store and saw a little bottle of Jack Daniel's. And then that voice - I call it the 'lower power' - goes, 'Hey. Just a taste. Just one.' I drank it, and there was that brief moment of 'Oh, I'm okay!' But it escalated so quickly. Within a week I was buying so many bottles I sounded like a wind chime walking down the street.

Kid, if You Need Booze or Drugs to Enjoy Your Life to the Fullest, You're Doing It Wrong.

You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you'll win, no matter what the outcome.

To be acknowledged for who and what I am, no more, no less. Not for acclaim, not for approval, but, the simple truth of that recognition. This has been the elemental drive of my existence, and it must be achieved, if I am to live or die with dignity.

We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race.

A human life is just a heartbeat in heaven.

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus.

We used to be hunter-gatherers, now we're shopper-borrowers.

My children give me a great sense of wonder. Just to see them develop into these extraordinary human beings. And a favorite book as a child? Growing up, it was 'The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe' - I would read the whole C.S. Lewis series out loud to my kids. I was once reading to Zelda, and she said 'don't do any voices. Just read it as yourself.' So I did, I just read it straight, and she said 'that's better.'

My childhood was lonely. Both my parents were away a lot, working, and the maid basically raised me. And I think that's where a lot of my comedy comes from. Not only was the maid very funny and witty, but when my mother came home I'd use humour to try and get her attention. If I made mommy laugh, then maybe everything would be all right. I think that's where it [my comedy] all started.

Sometimes it’s more noble to tell a small lie than to deliver a painful truth.

Clouds are like boogers hanging on the nostrils of the moon.

My battles with addiction definitely shaped how I am now. They really made me deeply appreciate human contact. And the value of friends and family, how precious that is.

Gentlemen, haven't we learned anything from the music of John Lennon? All we need is love.

Cocaine is God's way of telling you you are making too much money.

To make fun of an administration, to make fun of anything, Mark Twain said, is the last defense of democracy.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.

Even mistakes can be wonderful.

Seize the day. Because, believe it or not, each and every one of us in this room is one day going to stop breathing, turn cold, and die.