Top 408 Quotes & Sayings by Robin Williams - Page 4

After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.

Compassionate conservative, that's like having a gun rack on a Volvo.

Sucking the marrow out of life doesn't mean choking on the bone.

I've actually gone to the zoo and had monkeys shout to me from their cages, "I'm in here when you're walking around like that?"

I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.

You have to break in half to love somebody.

Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers.

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.

There was an old, crazy dude who used to live a long time ago. His name was Lord Buckley. And he said, a long time ago, he said, 'People--they'r e kinda like flowers, and it's been a privilege walking in your garden.' My love goes with you.

When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.

I used food to make myself feel better, but I felt worse when I ate.

All you have to do is think one happy thought, and you'll fly like me.

My favorite is when you go to Afghanistan and you meet the special forces guys, and they look like these heavily armed surfers. These guys are the best. You see guys dressed as full Afghans, but then wearing a Yankees hat.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.'

Honey, you [Michael Jackson] gotta pick a race first. All of a sudden you're a black man, then you're Diana Ross, now you're Audrey Hepburn. Then he's got the little beard going on. He's like Lord of the Rings, the entire cast. Michael's about to jump species.

In the dictionary under redundant it says see redundant.

Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer: You can do it, just not as well as the others, really.

Montovani? They play Montovani to insomniacs that don't respond to strong drugs

Anything that is not funny at a certain point will be funny.

Keith Richards is the only man who can make the Osbournes look Amish.

I was once walking in an airport and a woman came up to me and said, 'Be zany!'. That'd be like walking up to Baryshikov and going, 'Plie! Just do a plie! Do it! Do a releve right now! Lift my wife!'

Here's the best birth control in the whole world, if you really, if you have no pills, if you have no diaphragm, if you have no other form of contraception. Use it for ladies, if he comes at you with that little thing in his hand, just laugh at it. They can't deal with it, OK, it'll be gone.

Everyone has these two visions when they hold their child for the first time. The first is your child as an adult saying "I want to thank the Nobel Committee for this award." The other is "You want fries with that?".

But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

My favorite thing to do is ride a bicycle. I ride road bikes. And for me, it's mobile meditation.

There's three things in this world that you need: Respect for all kinds of life, a nice bowel movement on a regular basis, and a navy blazer.

Bicycles are pieces of art. You get that combination of kinetic engineering, but then, besides the welds, the paint jobs, the kind of the sculpture of it all is quite beautiful. Bikes have such great lines, and all different styles.

Freud: If it's not one thing, it's your mother

Texting and driving at the same time is like jerking off and juggling at the same time. Too many balls in the air, if you catch my drift.

The entire world will be in nuclear war, and only the Swiss will be going, 'what's that noise?'

You don't need cocaine! There's another way to get real high, and really mess your mind up, it's called marathon running!

The first time I ate organic whole-grain bread I swear it tasted like roofing material.

Make your life spectacular, I know I did.

I was in Iraq, Afghanistan, Djibouti, Bahrain. The first year I went pretty much by myself. Then I went with General [Richard] Myers, head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. The shows and audiences were amazing. You'll never get a better group of people.

It's that idea that you can have one drink - and no you can't. Within a week I was drinking heavily. It was so quick that even I was like, 'Wow.' Because you have that initial warm feeling going, 'Oh, I remember this'. And your body does, too. And your body goes, 'Yeah, so do I'. Then the demon voice comes, 'Yeah, so do I. You know what would be great? You know we bought a little bottle before? A full bottle would be wonderful'.

I want to do a movie, but it has to be the right movie, whether it's independent or a studio movie. I'm much more open to being a supporting actor. At the age of 60, I'll be second fiddle. Fine. I'm happy to do it.

Gradual school is where you go to school and you gradually find out you don't want to go to school anymore.

You look at the world and see how scary it can be sometimes and still try to deal with the fear. Comedy can deal with the fear and still not paralyze you or tell you that it's going away. You say, OK, you got certain choices here, you can laugh at them and then once you've laughed at them and you have expunged the demon, now you can deal with them. That's what I do when I do my act.

We're dealing with fundamentalists... the Amish are fundamentalists, but they don't try and hijack a carriage at needlepoint. And, if you're ever in Amish country and you see a man with his hand buried in a horse's ass, that's a mechanic. Remember that.

The idea of the industrial fishing affects everyone. Those factory ships play this game of hit and run with the international fishing limits, and somebody said it's like hunting squirrels with a bulldozer. They pull everything in and they are only looking for certain types of fish and everything else dies and they just throw it back. It's like chumming.

The great thing about marriage is the idea of really getting to know someone. And really getting to know a woman is a life long task.

I love doing live action movies, but there's a great job in doing animation, especially one with music.

Death - to blink for an exceptionally long period of time.

My children give me a great sense of wonder. Just to see them develop into these extraordinary human beings.

The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!

Look at airport security now. What started out as definite racial profiling is now where the computer picks a name. That's why you get a seven-month-old getting a pat down. [Imitates a security officer.] "Check the diapers. They're full."

To be free. Such a thing would be greater than all the magic and all the treasures in all the world.

It's five o'clock in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time.

The sort of liveliness which increases with age is not far distant from madness.

Explore an idea until you've exhausted it, really go to all the different parameters of it.

I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.

Be prepared for luck.

If you don't keep pushing the limits, you wake up one day and you're the "center square to block."

After my training wheels, my first real bike was a Schwinn, and my first time out, I rode down a hill, didn’t know how to stop, and ran right into a tree. So, that was a nice experience ... like realizing, oh, there are brakes!

I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way.

I'm looking for Miss Right, or at least Miss Right Now

The French don't have a baseball team. And if they did, there'd only be a left field, and no one would be safe.

You might say he was one taco short of a combination platter.

I've always improvised, and stand-up was this great release. All of a sudden, it was just me and the audience.

All the new people you meet, it's pretty amazing. The vampire needs new blood. And there is still a lot to learn and there is always great stuff out there. Even mistakes can be wonderful.