Top 124 Quotes & Sayings by Russell Howard
Explore popular quotes and sayings by an English comedian Russell Howard.
Last updated on December 21, 2024.
I find it really weird, when I'm shopping in Tesco, the amount of times I have people like: 'What you doing in here? You're famous!'
I buck the trend: I eat avocados on a Sunday morning and I'm a homeowner.
I'm a bit of a Luddite.
Mumbai was magical, which I was really surprised by, and I got an insight into the world of Bollywood while hanging out with some Bollywood film stars while there.
I'll sit down for 'Stranger Things' or 'The Handmaid's Tale' - or a really good documentary.
Real life is hard. I'm sorry, but shopping at Tesco is not as much fun as writing jokes for TV shows, and I struggle with it.
If you want any attention in the Howard household, you have to shout quite loudly and try to develop a personality.
Like most comedians, I have crippling low self-esteem, so I always think that what I've just done is rubbish.
Tommy Tiernan is an Irish comic who I believe is one of the finest in the world.
I'm one of the people who actually laughs at everyone else's jokes!
I bought my mum a car, and I bought my brother one of those hoverboards for Christmas, and I bought my family a holiday to Australia.
I would just like to be remembered.
Sometimes improv doesn't work on TV because the audience had heard the thing that was shouted and they're very much alive, the audience in the room - they're alive in that moment. Whereas the audience sat at home on the sofa, it feels like it's part of a party that they haven't been invited to.
If I was to get into Twitter I'd expose myself to people who adore me or people who absolutely hated me. Neither of those are useful to my soul.
Audiences around the world are all pretty similar. People just rock up and want to have a laugh, although Americans whoop more than English crowds.
I'd like to have kids.
It's just a joy travelling with your job. You get to wander around these interesting cities and then things happen or you observe things and you go on stage at the end of the night and chat about it.
There's a lot of brilliant comics who are amazing, but you can see them doing the same 20 minutes that they were doing five years ago, verbatim. I think that doesn't lend itself to progressing.
I do cryotherapy, which is where you're in minus 70 and you have three minutes of deep freeze and your body thinks it's dying so it produces loads of blood cells and then you're fine - apparently.
I just couldn't do a comedy show about 'The History Of Dinosaurs;' I'd get bored too easily.
Doing the O2 Arena in London in 2011 was pretty awesome.
My Mum is not used to being in-front of camera.
I've reached the age of 32 with little wisdom, I'm afraid. It's tragic. I still have to turn to my mum and dad for every decision I make in life.
I don't want to be one of those comics who says, 'Hey, what's wrong with air travel?' and stuff like that.
At a gig in Liverpool I had this lady give me 21 cup cakes she had made herself. It's not really rock'n'roll is it? Tom Jones gets pants thrown at him and I get given fairy cakes.
I don't want to do a rabidly left-wing show. I think it's much more interesting to turn the knife on yourself.
I think all our leaders are utterly beneath us. You just watch 'Prime Minister's Questions' and go: 'How is this the best that we've got?'
I lived at home until I was 23.
Yeah, I'd love to write a film, that'd be great.
I get panic attacks about dying, it's terrible. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and my brain goes 'you're going to die, you're going to die, you're going to die.'
Death by rats would be the worst.
Sometimes I skip breakfast, pop to the butcher and get sunburned while cooking meat.
I wanna be incidental characters in 'Only Fools and Horses,' that would have been good. I wouldn't mind playing Trigger, Trigger would have been good.
I love Dublin and the locals are extraordinary.
I'm not the kind of comic who would try stuff on Twitter, because I have to work up ideas and I can only do that in front of people.
Whenever I come to Ireland, I end up just bantering with the crowd so the show will just be what it is.
I buy a lot of Liverpool trinkets. I've got Philippe Coutinho's boot - I spent three grand on that. Which, you know, is insane. But it's Philippe Coutinho's boot, what you gonna do?
I'd been writing jokes since I was 16, not very good ones though, but I was always trying to make my mates laugh.
Britain is perceived as a laughing stock and a mess. It's a very scary and divided place.
Most comics' first gig is either brilliant or horrific.
I'm quite good at talking about things I care about.
I spent a lot of my childhood sat on a wall thinking, waiting for my mum to pick me up.
You can make bleak things funny but if you're glib about it, it doesn't work.
I think you just have to be comfortable in your own skin, and when I do stand-up or the show I'm in a really good mood.
The strange thing about people considering me upbeat is that I'm really not.
I'm a very early riser on holiday. I am invariably down at the pool on a sun lounger even before anyone can put a towel on one.
Los Angeles feels empty and overrated. I struggle with it as a holiday destination. It's the sort of place where you need to know some locals, otherwise it just feels so empty.
What do you know when you're 19? I was just stomping around doing gigs.
The last thing you want to do is preach to the converted. What you want to do is talk about issues from a non-political point of view, from a human point of view.
I'm not a particularly ambitious person.
If you're doing 70 gigs in a tour, there's a lot of responsibility. People need a big night out, and you're providing it.
The Edinburgh Fringe is a tough beast and you do whatever you can to get through it. But it's really the worst place to see comedians; everyone is so tense and nervous because it feels like Ofsted inspectors are out there.
I just don't care what people like Lily Allen think about stuff.
I've been doing stand-up for 15 years and I've never even been invited to the Comedy Awards! How mental is that?
Question Time' is a nice forum for reasoned political debate. There's no point having me on there trying to crack jokes.
The British Museum is great for seeing how excellent we were at stealing things.
The hit rap duo Kris Kross wore their trousers backwards, in the Nineties, and I wore my trousers backwards to a school disco. It led to some bullying.
I'm really not into technology at all. My brother has to plug the Xbox in for me.
It takes a lot to stop myself scrambling around and reading the news.
Because I don't wear a suit, and have such a horrible boy band face, people assume that I'm not doing satirical material.
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